I read this today and nearly had a stroke.
In an advice column, a woman was perplexed because she had just received two non-invites to weddings where she hadn't really expected to be invited in the first place. She was asking if this was something new in etiquette, that you not only don't send an invitation, but go to the trouble to confirm the non-invitation. The advice columnist wrote that this was definitely a breach of etiquette, but linked to a website where they actually gave advice to brides to the contrary:
Explain to them your budget for the wedding and let them know how important they are to you. Example: I would really love for you to be in attendance on such a special day in my life, but because of out tight budget for the wedding, I was not able to invite as many people as I would have liked. But if possible, I would love for you to help me find a dress, look for a shoes, pick a cake, etc..
Oh, and a little tip added to the end: Never flat out say, "You are not invited," but make it clear that there is a reason. If possible, invite them to be a part of the wedding by being a host or hosts. Also, invite them to your wedding shower, if possible.
The ONLY thing that mitigated this horrible advice was the drubbing it was receiving in the comments - the commenters could not believe just how many well-established rules this violated, plus just how hurtful this would be when practiced: "Yeah, you don't get to come, but let's schlep around looking for my dress and buy me a present, too!" But how many potential brides are going to read the comments? Headed your way: lots of non-invites for wedding tucked into wedding shower invitations.
Has this happened to anyone here?