I have not the words...UPDATE: Post #132

[Snooks]

Sounds like your interaction with the teacher was a positive one and I think it's clear that you did nothing wrong, and neither did the school.  The best thing to do is to move forward from this and have a chat with your daughter before Valentine's day about when she can give out the gifts so she isn't obviously excluding her classmate.  For that situation I'm thinking more about other children noticing that she's not given a gift to this particular classmate and a gossip mill starting up when a child tells his parent that everyone got one except AngryParents' Child.

[mrkitty]

I think you're right VTGrantham. Based on your update, I think it is wise not to send any note (as tempting as it is) so as to avoid inflaming the situation any further. I credit you with taking the high road, and continuing your generosity to the the other students.

I hope these other parents find a way to feel better and deal with whatever their issue is in a healthier way.

But kudos to you for handling the situation with so much grace.

P.S. I feel sorry for their kid. Sounds like he or she is being raised in a blizzard of specialness. Poor thing. 

[EmmaJ.]

I'm wondering how will you handle the Valentine's Day gift distribution?  I'm feeling so sorry for the little girl.  I hope she doesn't see everyone receiving a gift - except her.

OP, would you consider sending a note home to the child's parents in a few weeks when everyone has had a chance to cool down?  Don't addresss the snowflake issue at all, just write a few words saying you were thinking about giving all the children a Valentine's Day gift of crayons and you wanted to be sure it was acceptable to them. 

This would give them a heads up, it would avoid drama, and maybe they would say yes so their child would not be excluded.

[VltGrantham]

I feel sorry for their kid. Sounds like he or she is being raised in a blizzard of specialness. Poor thing.

The sad thing is that I have felt very sorry for this child for a long time.  I will go ahead and say that the child in question is a boy.  He is always dirty and his clothes look (and smell) like they haven't been washed in a long time.  He is extremely, extremely, bright and energetic.  I have, for a long time, wanted to take the poor kid home, give him a good bath, and wash his clothes.  (But that would be creepy and I don't know of any polite way you could either suggest or do this.)  To my knowledge, he doesn't have a good winter coat (or at least he doesn't bring one to school) and yet repeated attempts to give him one from the school's store of such things have never worked.  He borrows a coat from the school nurse to play outside with on a daily basis.

I suppose that makes me a bad person for judging them and I have no real proof--maybe he gets dirty on his way to school.  Maybe his parents are generally unaware of it, and maybe their home is a very loving one.  I am also sure that my opinion is based in large part on the negative interaction we have had with them both recently and in the past.   It's kinda ironic because during winter vacation, DD made comments about how she hoped he was having a good time over winter break and was doing o.k.  DH and I suggested to her that maybe she should be extra sweet and kind to him in future over the break as he just seems like he needs some extra "love" but after this note, I'm very sorry if we caused him any additional upset.  If I had known his parents were the ones in question, I might have had some forethought of issues ahead, but I didn't put two and two together until later.

I'm wondering how will you handle the Valentine's Day gift distribution?

My understanding is that during their celebration, this child will go to the library and spend the celebration time (30 minutes) working with either the reading or math resource teachers.  While he's gone, they will have their party, exchange Valentine's and then put them away before he returns to the classroom.

[DoubleTrouble]

I'm wondering how will you handle the Valentine's Day gift distribution?  I'm feeling so sorry for the little girl.  I hope she doesn't see everyone receiving a gift - except her.

OP, would you consider sending a note home to the child's parents in a few weeks when everyone has had a chance to cool down?  Don't addresss the snowflake issue at all, just write a few words saying you were thinking about giving all the children a Valentine's Day gift of crayons and you wanted to be sure it was acceptable to them. 

This would give them a heads up, it would avoid drama, and maybe they would say yes so their child would not be excluded.

I think that's a bad idea, anything the OP does now to contact the family will just be fanning the flames. OP, I'm glad that you know the whole story & that the school is on your side, this family sounds a few cards short of a deck.

Kudos to the son for thanking your daughter, that shows some real maturity.

[Cat-Fu]

I'm confused—why would they send their children to preschool at your church if they weren't members? That seems like an odd choice if they're going to get all sanctimonious about Christmas.

Anyway, it sounds like it's in the kid's best interest to let this be.

[Piratelvr1121]

If I read the OP right, they are a denomination of Christianity and were offended by the commercialization of Christmas. "War on Christmas" kind of stuff.  I think it was said earlier, though maybe not the OP, something about someone claiming there were no gifts involved in the true meaning of Christmas or something.

(Guess they're not counting the gifts of gold, frankincense and Myrrh given by the wise men?)

[m2kbug]

I'm wondering how will you handle the Valentine's Day gift distribution?  I'm feeling so sorry for the little girl.  I hope she doesn't see everyone receiving a gift - except her.

OP, would you consider sending a note home to the child's parents in a few weeks when everyone has had a chance to cool down?  Don't addresss the snowflake issue at all, just write a few words saying you were thinking about giving all the children a Valentine's Day gift of crayons and you wanted to be sure it was acceptable to them. 

This would give them a heads up, it would avoid drama, and maybe they would say yes so their child would not be excluded.

I think that would be adding to the fire.  At this point it's best to stay out of it and let the school deal with it.  Have as little contact with those parents as possible.  They are trouble. 

It sounds like they will be removing the child from the room when the cards and gifts are handed out for Valentine's Day.

[Wordgeek]

The matter has been sufficiently addressed.