Damage done during a sleepover.

[oopsie]

Two nights ago, my children had their three cousins over for a sleepover (two sisters aged 15 & 16 and their 11 year old brother). We've had them over many times before without incident. However this time, when I woke in the morning, I found a bunch of mysterious things had happened in my kitchen and living room which included items being switched and moved around, a pile of pistachio shells left on my brand new couch, dog food inside the cheesecake that was on the table (which my unknowing daughter had eaten some of that morning), writings and scribblings on my kitchen counter in permanent marker, etc.

Long story short, for various reasons (I won't get in to them), my husband and I both believe it was our 11 year old nephew who did it. He would have had the opportunity as the girls were sleeping downstairs and my son often falls asleep before he does. However, when questioned, he (as well as all the other kids, including my own) swore up and down that they had nothing to do with it. Even after my son (who is 6) started crying, worried that our house is haunted and stating that he wants to move, he did not come forward. I know my children very well and would bet my life that they had nothing to do with it or know nothing about it. I also do not believe that the older girls would have done it either.

In the end, there was no permanent damage done (thankfully, I was able to remove the permanent marker from my counter using magic eraser), however, I'm quite alarmed by it as it's pretty sneaky and the bold faced lying without any kind of remorse bothers me (there was plenty of opportunity to come forward with a promise of no repercussions).   

Is it worth mentioning to their parents? My gut says to just let it go as I don't have any concrete proof. Should I just chalk it up to a practical joke gone wrong and take care next time I invite them over? How would you handle this?



 

[Outdoor Girl]

I would let the parents know what happened and that no one owned up to it, without telling them that you think it was your nephew.

And I wouldn't be inviting them again any time soon.

'I just wanted you to know that (these things happened) and that no one would admit to doing them.  I think it's best if the kids don't have sleepovers for a while.'

[NyaChan]

I think you should mention it to the parents, but do not mention that you think it is their child who did it.  Emphasize that no one came forward either to admit that they did it or that they had seen who did it.  You don't really have any proof that it was the nephew, just your belief that it wasn't one of the others.  All of them had the opportunity - even if they went to sleep earlier, they could have woken up early or in the middle of the night.  I would just relate what happened, say that you are disappointed that none of them would admit to it even though there is no punishment forthcoming.  And then I'd say that you aren't comfortable letting the cousins do sleepovers at your house until you know what happened that night.  I wouldn't say that in terms of not trusting the cousins, but as a consequence for ALL the kids.  I am also a little surprised that you think the 6 year old could have been left without supervision during the night & aren't upset about that.  Were the older girls supposed to be watching him?

[MrTango]

I'd let the parents know that the incident happened with details of what specifically was done.  Let them know that none of the children would fess up to it and as a result, there will be no further sleepovers.

[Sharnita]

ANy chance any of the kids sleepwalk? Can you ask if anybody sleepwalks?

[Isisnin]

You should tell the parents anyways as the girls probably will.  Probably best not to indicate what your suspicions are, just state the facts. 

Hopefully the parents will have a firm conversation with their kids to let them all know such behavior is not to be repeated.

If you have them over, any idea what precautions you could take?  Ideally, you would catch the culprit in the act "accidentally".  To do so, you'd have to stay up and go downstairs when you heard something.

It would be a shame to end the sleepovers as it sounds like the cousins enjoy being together. 

[athersgeo]

ANy chance any of the kids sleepwalk? Can you ask if anybody sleepwalks?

Pod to this question. I have friends who sleepwalk and some of the things they've either found themselves doing by waking up in the act to by the evidence the next morning is downright scary; eating pistachios, scribbling on the counter and the rest of it does line up with that. AND it would explain why no one confessed.

[Kaypeep]

I think you should mention it to the parents, but do not mention that you think it is their child who did it.  Emphasize that no one came forward either to admit that they did it or that they had seen who did it.  You don't really have any proof that it was the nephew, just your belief that it wasn't one of the others.  All of them had the opportunity - even if they went to sleep earlier, they could have woken up early or in the middle of the night.  I would just relate what happened, say that you are disappointed that none of them would admit to it even though there is no punishment forthcoming.  And then I'd say that you aren't comfortable letting the cousins do sleepovers at your house until you know what happened that night.  I wouldn't say that in terms of not trusting the cousins, but as a consequence for ALL the kids.  I am also a little surprised that you think the 6 year old could have been left without supervision during the night & aren't upset about that.  Were the older girls supposed to be watching him?

NyaChan, the way I read this is that the parents WERE there, this happened while people were sleeping.  The girls were downstairs (basement) together, parents and boys upstairs in bed.  Since their son falls asleep first, it sounds like the 11 year old nephew snuck downstairs and did some mayhem.

I wouldn't rule out the girls,  honestly.  Teen girls can be bad, too.  There was a post on here last year where the OP's daughters swore up and down they had nothing to do with their uncle's house being broken into, but later it turned out they DID give friend's access to the house while their uncle was away.  As a former teenage girl, I can admit we often do stupid things and deny them, and I think we get away with it more because we lie well and I think people are predisposed to think boys do more damage than girls, and I doubt that is the case.  I like the PP's suggestions of not laying blame anywhere, just telling the facts and stating no sleepovers as a punishment for everyone.

Did anyone try to blame Elf on the Shelf? 

[MorgnsGrl]

If you think the kids' parents would be helpful, you could tell them that the kids "got up to some late night shenanigans" without providing details and ask them to talk to the kids and see if the kids would provide details. You might learn something that way! Otherwise I'd just ask them to have a conversation with the kids about what happened and to tell them that there won't be any sleepovers for a while because obviously when all the kids get together they have a tendency to make poor choices. I'm glad none of it was permanent damage, at least!

[JenJay]

I would let the parents know what happened and that no one owned up to it, without telling them that you think it was your nephew.

And I wouldn't be inviting them again any time soon.

'I just wanted you to know that (these things happened) and that no one would admit to doing them.  I think it's best if the kids don't have sleepovers for a while.'

This is exactly what I'd do.

[NyaChan]

Oh thanks Kaypeep, I get it now (correct age of the nephew included  ).  Haven't finished my first cup of tea yet...

[wolfie]

I am also a little surprised that you think the 6 year old could have been left without supervision during the night & aren't upset about that.  Were the older girls supposed to be watching him?

Why would the 6 year old need to be supervised overnight in his own home? His parents were there.

[Calypso]

Dog food in the cheesecake and scribbling on the counter? Everyone (except the 6-year old, who I gather is not a suspect) is way old enough to know better. Do tell the parents, emphasizing that you don't know who did it, you just want them to know someone thought this was acceptable behavior and you're giving them a heads up in case it's their kids.

[oopsie]

I think you should mention it to the parents, but do not mention that you think it is their child who did it.  Emphasize that no one came forward either to admit that they did it or that they had seen who did it.  You don't really have any proof that it was the nephew, just your belief that it wasn't one of the others.  All of them had the opportunity - even if they went to sleep earlier, they could have woken up early or in the middle of the night.  I would just relate what happened, say that you are disappointed that none of them would admit to it even though there is no punishment forthcoming.  And then I'd say that you aren't comfortable letting the cousins do sleepovers at your house until you know what happened that night.  I wouldn't say that in terms of not trusting the cousins, but as a consequence for ALL the kids.  I am also a little surprised that you think the 6 year old could have been left without supervision during the night & aren't upset about that.  Were the older girls supposed to be watching him?

We live in a bungalow and DS's room is on the main level and DD's is in the basement. The boys would have been upstairs in DS's room. DS usually falls asleep before my nephew. In the past when this has happened, nephew has just gone downstairs to join DD and his sister's (they stay up pretty late). I suspect this time he decided to get in to some mischief...

ANy chance any of the kids sleepwalk? Can you ask if anybody sleepwalks?

I suppose anything is possible but given that I've had these cousins over for sleepovers many, many times before without any sleepwalking, I would be inclined to say no.

It would be a shame to end the sleepovers as it sounds like the cousins enjoy being together. 

Yes, definitely. I would prefer to not do this.

[JenJay]

I expect that, under threat of no more sleepovers, the siblings of the guilty party will "encourage" a confession soon.