Damage done during a sleepover.

[JenJay]

I think the only thing you CAN do is just quietly drop it.  The next time a sleepover opportunity comes, either have it at THEIR house, or sit the kids down - ALL of them! - and say, "Look, what happened last time - you remember, the pistachios, the magic marker, etc - WILL NOT repeat itself this time, or there will be no more sleepovers at all."  If someone goes "But it was a ghost," you can just say, "Well then you guys had better keep a close eye out for this ghost, and if you see it, tell them to knock it off." 

For your six year old, gently point out that he's been living here however long, and there was no sign of this ghost until that sleepover, which means that the 'ghost' is one of the three cousins, most likely the boy for the reasons you've described already.  If he asks why the cousin would lie and say it's a ghost, explain that the cousin was afraid of getting in trouble so he wouldn't admit that he did it, just like he (The six year old) might lie if he accidentally broke something.  You could turn it into a life lesson about lying and such.

I agree completely. You will never get one of the cousins to admit it was them now that their mom is backing the ghost story. If you want to suspend sleepovers for awhile this incident is the perfect reason. If you don't, sit them all down and give them the "This is behind us now, however, if it happens again there will be NO more sleepovers. Zero. Period. Got it?!" talk.

[Giggity]

Ghosts? Oh please. Yeah, no more sleepovers.

[Jones]

**blink, blink**

I believe in ghosts too, but I did not see that coming. Wow.

ETA: If she asks in the future why you are no longer inviting her children over, would you be comfortable suggesting that since there have been no other signs of a poltergeist, you have to assume it's haunting one of her children and therefore inviting said children over would be asking for trouble?

[snowdragon]

Not only would I not allow sleep overs with these kids at my home again, I would not allow these kids to come over again.  If I can't trust you, I can't trust you and you are no longer welcome. IF you want to visit at all - go there or to a neutral location.

[oopsie]

The sleepover thing is very one sided. Actually, the relationship as a whole is very one sided. She or their father has not had my kids over for a sleepover, or much else other than general birthday parties (and sometimes not even then).

Their mother is also one of those people who believes her kids are a "package deal" lest anyone's feelings get hurt so I can never just invite the girls over for my DD's sake. That's a whole different issue though.

[snowdragon]

The sleepover thing is very one sided. Actually, the relationship as a whole is very one sided. She or their father has not had my kids over for a sleepover, or much else other than general birthday parties (and sometimes not even then).

Their mother is also one of those people who believes her kids are a "package deal" lest anyone's feelings get hurt so I can never just invite the girls over for my DD's sake. That's a whole different issue though.

Then I would not have the girls over and explain to DD that since this happened you need to make sure that it never happens again and that auntie feels that the girls can't come alone, with out the boy = none of them can come.  But if you have them over again - you need to be prepared for worse to happen since they have been backed by their mother in their "innocence"
 

[Harriet Jones]

I guess the kids are a package deal since it gives the mom a break from the "ghost" in their house. 

[elephantschild]

I had a friend when I was 9 years old who was a pathological liar. Her mother completely ignored her fantastic stories about keeping her pregnant hamster in the minivan and had no response when I asked if she was really going to charge me to use the bathroom as her daughter had informed me. These were just the tip of the iceberg and I honestly don't think the mom cared all that much or believed her princess was doing/saying all these crazy things.

Personally, I would just suspend sleepovers for now as I doubt mom will ever admit that her kids are anything but angels. You probably will never get a confession out of any of them. Heck, my brother took 20 years to finally own up to cutting off the cat's whiskers when we were kids!

This describes nephew to a T. He once told me all about their trip to play mini golf and he rode a Bowser ride from Super Mario Bros and was describing it in complete detail with sound effects to boot. I turned to one of his sisters and asked "when did you guys go to play mini golf?" and she replied "we didn't. None of that actually happened."

Just as a note. This doesn't mean they're necessarily bad kids. (It depends how the stories are used, of course.) My brother did this sort of thing when he was little. He'd earnestly tell people intricate, elaborate stories about how we went here and did this ... when we really didn't do any or it. He was a good enough storyteller even at an early age that he was usually believed! Just had a really good imagination ... I think he believed some of them himself!

He's 30, a respected high school teacher and about to get married now. Kid turned out OK.

[LeveeWoman]

I can  just see her in a future juvenile court hearing explaining to the judge that it's not her son's fault but a ghost's fault.

[gramma dishes]

...   My mom wasn't sure if I did it, or if my brother did it.  She promised that whoever did it would not be in trouble if they confessed, and with that promise (and feeling guilty) I confessed.  I ended up being grounded with no TV for a week because she thought my tone wasn't 'remorseful enough'.  ...

Way to ensure that no one ever EVER confesses to anything again!!   

[MariaE]

Ghosts? Oh please. Yeah, no more sleepovers.

I agree. I had no idea people over the age of 12 still believed in ghosts. I figured it was something like Santa or the Boogeyman that you eventually grew out of seriously believing in.

The more you know...

[violinp]

Ghosts? Oh please. Yeah, no more sleepovers.

I agree. I had no idea people over the age of 12 still believed in ghosts. I figured it was something like Santa or the Boogeyman that you eventually grew out of seriously believing in.

The more you know...

Hey, now. Believing in the supernatural doesn't mean you blame misbehavior thereon. I believe quite firmly in ghosts, and I think the mother of these children is being utterly ridiculous.

[BarensMom]

I agree with the PP's who said no more sleepovers.  According to most ghost lore, Poltergeists often attach themselves to prepubescent children, so you can tell your EXSIL that you don't want it to  transfer to one of your children, hence no more sleepovers until everyone is past puberty (in other words, NEVER).

[MariaE]

Ghosts? Oh please. Yeah, no more sleepovers.

I agree. I had no idea people over the age of 12 still believed in ghosts. I figured it was something like Santa or the Boogeyman that you eventually grew out of seriously believing in.

The more you know...

There are many cultures in the world that believe in spirits and ghosts and I think it's a little rude to dismiss those beliefs as childish.

I never dismissed them as being childish. I honestly did not know until this thread that some adults believed in them. As in, my jaw dropped twice when I read the mom's response. First because I thought it was an incredibly rude way of having the OP on, then because I figured out she wasn't having the OP on, but was actually being serious.

I didn't mean to imply that I thought everybody who believed in ghosts would act the way the mom did, and I apologize if it came across that way.

[AustenFan]

The fact of the matter is that any of the kids could have done this and there is no real proof that it was nephew instead of one of the others.  Cousin's mom is declaring the innocence of her children just as vehemently as oopsie is declaring the innocence of her own.  So why is everyone so quick to jump on Cousin's mom when, to me, the two are arguing the same point: that their kid didn't do it.  Without proof it doesn't seem fair to me that nephew is painted as the bad guy.

POD. Suspicion is not proof, and since Balletmoms thread was a perfect example of how trigger happy parents can be when they feel their kids have been unfairly accused I really wonder why posters have been so quick to jump on SIL.