Damage done during a sleepover.

[Slartibartfast]

Here's my guess:

1) She does genuinely believe in ghosts

2) Her kids know this, and possibly have pulled little pranks like this before at her house (which their mom swallows hook, line, and sinker)

3) Ghosts have been on their brains lately, so the topic naturally came up when the kids were at your house for the sleepover

4) Your DS cobbled together bits and pieces of what he heard, added it to what he already knew about ghosts, and that plus the knowledge that his aunt really thinks they're real (because at that age, if a grownup says something is true it must be true!) got him worried about ghosts

5) One or more of the kids (but probably the nephew) decided to play some ghost-related "pranks" around the house.  The dog food in the cheesecake sounds particularly like something a kid might do and think would be hilarious.

I'd suggest you ask your own kids (particularly your son) if they had been talking about ghosts at all, and if so, what?  That might help your DS get over his fear if you can set him straight, and might give you some more answers.

[dawbs]

**blink, blink**

I believe in ghosts too, but I did not see that coming. Wow.

ETA: If she asks in the future why you are no longer inviting her children over, would you be comfortable suggesting that since there have been no other signs of a poltergeist, you have to assume it's haunting one of her children and therefore inviting said children over would be asking for trouble?

I was thinking this same thing.

"What Jane?  you want to send Buffy and Bilky over for a sleepover?
Honestly, since you mentioned the likelihood of ghosts after our last sleepover, I did some research.  When only my family is there without Buffy and Bilky, we've never had anything 'weird' like this happen so when i read that sometimes PEOPLE are haunted, not places, it all made since.  Until we're sure which of your children is the haunted one and that the ghost has been sent on, I'm really not sure I want to expose my kids to what the poltergist could do..."

[cheyne]

The first question I would ask myself, "Which children don't like cheesecake?"  If there are 3 out of the 5, that would narrow it down a bit.  Your DD ate the dog food in the cheesecake, so I believe that exonerates her.  Your 6 year old was asleep before the "fun" started, so he's out too.  That leaves the cousins.  If you were in the basement with the girls while this "prank" was going on, I believe the Nephew is the culprit.

With the background of the divorce, the "package deal" of the kids and SIL thinking it's ghosts, it wouldn't surprise me if nephew is having some troubles and acting out.  What bothers me is your dog yelping (was he being smacked or his tail pulled?) and putting dog food in the cheesecake.  That was deliberately done to be gross and humiliating to someone.  These are pretty nasty acts and go beyond pranks IMO.  I would suspend sleepovers until you find out who did it and not reply to SIL's email.  I would also let SIL know ASAP that the vacation is off.

[SiotehCat]

It doesn't have to be one of the kids by themselves. Kids can do silly/stupid things at sleepovers.

Also, we don't know that OP's son was asleep when it all happened. We know that he said he was. But we also know that nephew said he didn't do it. Their word doesn't mean much, I think.

[oopsie]

Yes, the girls definitely didn't do at least the handsoap in the vomit or the marker on the counter as I discovered those items before I went to bed and I was with them watching movies before then.

That would make DS and nephew the primary suspects. It's possible that DS acted alone but I think it's more likely that if he was involved, he had an accomplice (i.e. nephew).

Again, I don't want to be one of those parents who thinks their child is completely above doing something only to be proven wrong. I'm not going to say without a shadow of doubt that DS wasn't involved because I simply can't (I wasn't with him every moment and he did admit to their putting snow in his older cousin's socks and that it was his idea so clearly he/they aren't above pulling pranks). I will say though that if, at 6 years old, he is able to dupe us so very convincingly and con us with crying over a fear of a haunted house, we clearly have bigger problems on our hands than some marker on a counter.

At the very least, I think DS and nephew probably shouldn't play together for a while.

Oh yeah, DS's birthday party is next weekend and guess what? It's a sleepover party with ALL his cousins invited (obviously invitations were sent out before this incident). Great...just great.

[Virg]

oopsie wrote:

"Oh yeah, DS's birthday party is next weekend and guess what? It's a sleepover party with ALL his cousins invited (obviously invitations were sent out before this incident). Great...just great."

Sounds like investing in a small "nanny-cam" device wouldn't be a bad idea.  Set up so that it views the kitchen, it would provide proof positive if any of the kids got up to any hijinks after lights-out.  Heck, maybe you can make some cash selling the footage to one of those ghost hunting shows! 

Virg

[snowdragon]

Oh yeah, DS's birthday party is next weekend and guess what? It's a sleepover party with ALL his cousins invited (obviously invitations were sent out before this incident). Great...just great.

Talk to DS about having another type of party.

[sammycat]

The first question I would ask myself, "Which children don't like cheesecake?"  If there are 3 out of the 5, that would narrow it down a bit.  Your DD ate the dog food in the cheesecake, so I believe that exonerates her.  Your 6 year old was asleep before the "fun" started, so he's out too.  That leaves the cousins.  If you were in the basement with the girls while this "prank" was going on, I believe the Nephew is the culprit.

With the background of the divorce, the "package deal" of the kids and SIL thinking it's ghosts, it wouldn't surprise me if nephew is having some troubles and acting out.  What bothers me is your dog yelping (was he being smacked or his tail pulled?) and putting dog food in the cheesecake.  That was deliberately done to be gross and humiliating to someone.  These are pretty nasty acts and go beyond pranks IMO.  I would suspend sleepovers until you find out who did it and not reply to SIL's email.  I would also let SIL know ASAP that the vacation is off.

Not only would I not allow sleep overs with these kids at my home again, I would not allow these kids to come over again.  If I can't trust you, I can't trust you and you are no longer welcome. IF you want to visit at all - go there or to a neutral location.

I agree with these comments.

Re the bolded: I wonder if Nephew was doing something to get the dog poop at that point, and it hurt the dog which is why s/he yelped.

[Redsoil]

I'd be changing the BD party from a sleepover to something else, and letting people know that the last sleepover caused problems which you prefer not to repeat. 

[Redsoil]

Oh, and definietly do NOT take the cousins on vacation!

[sammycat]

I actually found SIL's response quite offensive.  Not because of the ghost comments, but it reeks to me of "my little darling/s could never do anything like this, despite the fact that he has a history that could quite clearly point this in his direction, so I'm just going to bury my head in the sand and am just going to put the blame (back) on you and make you seem like an idiot".

[m2kbug]

Are these kids regularly destructive?  I didn't catch that "vibe" with this post and the OP regularly takes in these kids, it sounds.  I wouldn't bar sleepovers over this one incident, but certainly cover the rules the next time they were over, both with her children and my own.  If this is a constant issue, then, yes, I would stop sleepovers.  Who knows if the next incident would be irreparable or costly to fix.  I guess with the upcoming sleepover, just cancel it if destruction is a regular theme.  I know my kids would be very disappointed if their cousins didn't get to come over, but sorry kids/sister/cousins, if they can't behave themselves when they're together then no more sleepovers. 

[CrochetFanatic]

I don't think anyone's suggested this (unless I missed it), but would it be a bad idea to go through with the next sleepover, and address everyone as a group?  Something like, "I don't know who it was the last time, and I'm not accusing anyone.  But if there are any pranks tonight, this is the last sleepover for awhile."

I'd probably back out of the vacation, but that's just me.

[Steve]

In addition to CrochetFanatic I would also get a small webcam, they are not that expensive and can probably be borrowed. In combination with a laptop it makes a great security cam, and my kitchen would only be vandalized once more....

[m2kbug]

I don't think anyone's suggested this (unless I missed it), but would it be a bad idea to go through with the next sleepover, and address everyone as a group?  Something like, "I don't know who it was the last time, and I'm not accusing anyone.  But if there are any pranks tonight, this is the last sleepover for awhile."

That's pretty much what I was saying, you just said it so much better.