Damage done during a sleepover.

[Snooks]

I wouldn't send the email, I also wouldn't cancel your son's birthday party.  I'd be more tempted it ignore what exSIL has said about ghosts and sit the kids down (if possible without the kids who weren't there) before the sleepover and tell them that no-one has owned up to causing the damage done at this sleepover and if anything happens at this sleepover then there will be no more sleepovers.  If your nephew says anything about ghosts causing it you can just reply that you don't believe that ghosts caused the damage.

[Sharnita]

I kind of agree about not hiding a videotape. Any way an adult could sleep in the "hotspot" to montor activity and protect them from ghosts?

[oopsie]

With the feedback from the forum, I've decided, as much as I want to (and oh how I want to), not to send the email.

DH definitely wants to go ahead with the sleepover so we will be doing that too. I will keep the dog and cat in our room and have the conversation with all the cousins to let them know that any damage or mischief making will not be tolerated.

I will also have all cousins sleeping together in our family room in the basement so hopefully that will help alleviate any risk of individual wrong doing.

I realize that we are taking on a risk in having this sleepover and that we will have to be prepared for any consequences. If something does happen again, then all sleepovers will cease for the foreseeable future.

OP, has the vacation issue from the other thread been broached with exSIL?  Is it possible that your nephew is reacting negatively to the plans being altered?  If not, this incident would definitely change my willingness to take the nephew on a long, expensive trip.

No, I have not mentioned anything to ex-SIL (aka cousins' mom) yet about backing out of the vacation. However, I have now (especially after this incident) 110% decided that we will not be going and will have to start seriously thinking of a way to break the news to her. 

[NyaChan]

I think you are right to have the party and the sleepover still.  I would just have the quick talk with all the kids assembled letting them know that if pranks happen again, there won't be any more sleepovers.

[VorFemme]

With the feedback from the forum, I've decided, as much as I want to (and oh how I want to), not to send the email.

DH definitely wants to go ahead with the sleepover so we will be doing that too. I will keep the dog and cat in our room and have the conversation with all the cousins to let them know that any damage or mischief making will not be tolerated.

I will also have all cousins sleeping together in our family room in the basement so hopefully that will help alleviate any risk of individual wrong doing.

I realize that we are taking on a risk in having this sleepover and that we will have to be prepared for any consequences. If something does happen again, then all sleepovers will cease for the foreseeable future.

OP, has the vacation issue from the other thread been broached with exSIL?  Is it possible that your nephew is reacting negatively to the plans being altered?  If not, this incident would definitely change my willingness to take the nephew on a long, expensive trip.

No, I have not mentioned anything to ex-SIL (aka cousins' mom) yet about backing out of the vacation. However, I have now (especially after this incident) 110% decided that we will not be going and will have to start seriously thinking of a way to break the news to her. 

Do it AFTER the sleepover - as you don't want her ranting to the kids about how you're being mean and giving anyone any reason to get upset.  Poltergeists and other mischief makers seem to get worse when upset pre-teens are around - whether that is cause or effect does not matter.  No need to increase the likelihood of SOMETHING happening.

Not a whisper of it before the birthday party.

If anything DOES happen - then the vacation has to be cancelled - whether it is related to the costs of repairs or just not wanting to take any poltergeist magnets along, I don't think explaining it beyond "we won't be able to do this after the incident at the last sleepover".

[BarensMom]

OP, if you have the sleepover, make sure you check ALL your foodstuffs before anyone eats or drinks anything.  Nephew or whoever did this will probably strike again because he got away with it last time.  Perhaps if you stay awake, you can catch him/her red-handed.

Hide the Sharpies, secure your animals, and have plenty of 5-Hour Energy shots on hand.

Personally, I just wouldn't have the sleepover, if only because anyone who hurts my dog would be unwelcome in my home.

[Jones]

If you offer me cake, I will be willing to donate my time ghosthunting your kitchen 

I have a voice recorder and a camera...

[DottyG]

I am not, at all, excusing Nephew if he is guilty. However, the below makes me sad for him. OP, can you maybe let him know that you're a safe person in his life if he needs to talk to someone or just listen if he needs a compassionate listener. I know you are one, but make sure he knows that. He's already at a weird age that's hard enough to deal with under good circumstances. But he's got some stresses on him that are compounding the usual emotions. Poor guy.

Nephew has been pretty heavily affected (more so than his sisters) by the split of his parents. Like I mentioned in the other vacation post, ex-SIL was successful in turning her son against his father where for a period of time, nephew was refusing to go to his house for visitation and blaming his dad for everything. Also, two weeks ago, his dad's girlfriend had a baby. A boy. Nephew had made it quite known that he didn't want this baby to be a boy as he wanted to remain his father's only son.

[oopsie]

I am not, at all, excusing Nephew if he is guilty. However, the below makes me sad for him. OP, can you maybe let him know that you're a safe person in his life if he needs to talk to someone or just listen if he needs a compassionate listener. I know you are one, but make sure he knows that. He's already at a weird age that's hard enough to deal with under good circumstances. But he's got some stresses on him that are compounding the usual emotions. Poor guy.

Nephew has been pretty heavily affected (more so than his sisters) by the split of his parents. Like I mentioned in the other vacation post, ex-SIL was successful in turning her son against his father where for a period of time, nephew was refusing to go to his house for visitation and blaming his dad for everything. Also, two weeks ago, his dad's girlfriend had a baby. A boy. Nephew had made it quite known that he didn't want this baby to be a boy as he wanted to remain his father's only son.

You and me both. Believe me, these kids got the short end of the stick when it comes to both their parents and their grandparents. I really do love those kids and I've made it my mission for many, many years now to be their soft place to fall. That doesn't mean I'll tolerate bad behaviour but I won't stop being there for them regardless.

[oopsie]

With the feedback from the forum, I've decided, as much as I want to (and oh how I want to), not to send the email.

DH definitely wants to go ahead with the sleepover so we will be doing that too. I will keep the dog and cat in our room and have the conversation with all the cousins to let them know that any damage or mischief making will not be tolerated.

I will also have all cousins sleeping together in our family room in the basement so hopefully that will help alleviate any risk of individual wrong doing.

I realize that we are taking on a risk in having this sleepover and that we will have to be prepared for any consequences. If something does happen again, then all sleepovers will cease for the foreseeable future.

OP, has the vacation issue from the other thread been broached with exSIL?  Is it possible that your nephew is reacting negatively to the plans being altered?  If not, this incident would definitely change my willingness to take the nephew on a long, expensive trip.

No, I have not mentioned anything to ex-SIL (aka cousins' mom) yet about backing out of the vacation. However, I have now (especially after this incident) 110% decided that we will not be going and will have to start seriously thinking of a way to break the news to her. 

Do it AFTER the sleepover - as you don't want her ranting to the kids about how you're being mean and giving anyone any reason to get upset.  Poltergeists and other mischief makers seem to get worse when upset pre-teens are around - whether that is cause or effect does not matter.  No need to increase the likelihood of SOMETHING happening.

Not a whisper of it before the birthday party.

If anything DOES happen - then the vacation has to be cancelled - whether it is related to the costs of repairs or just not wanting to take any poltergeist magnets along, I don't think explaining it beyond "we won't be able to do this after the incident at the last sleepover".

I definitely agree.

OP, if you have the sleepover, make sure you check ALL your foodstuffs before anyone eats or drinks anything.  Nephew or whoever did this will probably strike again because he got away with it last time.  Perhaps if you stay awake, you can catch him/her red-handed.

Hide the Sharpies, secure your animals, and have plenty of 5-Hour Energy shots on hand.

Personally, I just wouldn't have the sleepover, if only because anyone who hurts my dog would be unwelcome in my home.

I will absolutely be on my guard. I will be very upset with myself if there is damage to my home or harm to one of my guests or pets. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me...

If you offer me cake, I will be willing to donate my time ghosthunting your kitchen 

I have a voice recorder and a camera...

I could offer you cake but I can offer no guarantees that you will not find dog food in it when you take your first bite... 

[Sophia]

...No, I have not mentioned anything to ex-SIL (aka cousins' mom) yet about backing out of the vacation. However, I have now (especially after this incident) 110% decided that we will not be going and will have to start seriously thinking of a way to break the news to her.

I think now is a very good time.  You were probably going to do it anyway, but this incident that more likely.  She knows deep down who did it, and that she was just giving you a bunch of drivel.  If she didn't believe in ghosts, it would have been your dog doing the pranks.  Backing out on the vacation will be a nice natural consequence.  I would also say now that this would be the last sleepover and changes are being made to where everyone sleeps because of the pranks. 

I would encourage you to also disinvite nephew to the sleepover part. But, I understand why that would be hard.

Remember, her getting her hackles up will not harm you.  In fact, I think it will do her good. 

[BarensMom]

Oh yeah, and don't forget the old Nair in the hair conditioner or rubbing alcohol in the eyedrops trick.

[Giggity]

What if you got all the kids together (or just talked to them separately if that would be too hard to arrange) and told them that unless you were able to get to the bottom of the pranks, the birthday sleepover would not be happening because you couldn't trust them to all behave when they were together? (Or that the cousins wouldn't be able to attend the birthday sleepover because no pranks had ever happened except for that time they were there, so either they were responsible or something about the dynamic created when all the cousins were together was responsible for an atmosphere in which people were tempted to play pranks?) I suspect that if you told them if they were honest about what happened, you would consider letting the sleepover happen/let them attend the sleepover, they might confess.

Unfortunately, I don't think this would work. I think if I did this, once she found out, cousins' mom would get her hackles up and go on the defensive. It wasn't her kids. It was either me or a ghost that did it.

Then she's too thick to deal with. Seriously, if this does not happen when your kids are home, and only happens when her kids are over ... easy answer, easy solution. No more sleepovers.

[Giggity]

I'd do a sleepover again alright, and I'd be ready to ambush that "ghost".

On the off-chance that there really is a ghost or sleepwalker involved, then at least you'd know that, too.

It won't be either of those things, so the OP could indeed learn something interesting.

[bah12]

I don't know why, but her response kind of bugs me.  Maybe because it seems so flippant, like it is a joke?

Uh, yeah. "Surely it wasn't one of my little angels - must have been a poltergeist!"

I know a lot has been said and I'm commentig on something pretty far back...and I also am not picking on this particular post.  It's one of a few I could have quoted.

But, I do think it's kind of unfair to get on the SIL for assuming it wasn't one of her kids.  Sure, her response was kind of odd, but it seems to me she was trying to make light of "mystery."  Just like the OP, she probably thinks it was a kid that doesn't belong to her and doesn't want to come out and accuse them directly. 

It would have been better had she responded with something like "Yes, I heard the story in triplicate and if I get any useful information from the kids I'll pass it on", but outside of that, I don't think it's all that unusual for her to jump to the assumption that one of her kids wouldn't have done something like that.  It's the assumption the OP made about her own children and without any concrete evidence of who did it, maybe it is easier to try to laugh it off and forget about it.

OP, I think you're fine for going through with the sleepover and the measures that you are taking seem fair to all the kids across the board.  Hopefully, this is an isolated incident.