Damage done during a sleepover.

[Lynn2000]

bah12, I kind of agree with you. The reason I didn't like the mom's response was because it seemed so dismissive of the entire incident--"Oh, it wasn't you playing a prank on the kids? Must have been a ghost! Ha ha!" She didn't seem to take it seriously.

Now, of course I don't know the mom and the whole backstory like the OP does; but if the mom heard the story "in triplicate," maybe she drew the conclusion from the stories that it was the OP's son who did it, or the OP herself, or just the dog, or whatever. It's not like the 11-year-old is going to say something to implicate himself to his mom. Though the OP feels almost certain it was nephew who did it, and the evidence she presents makes it seem likely to me, too, she doesn't feel it's solid enough to actually accuse the boy--there's a reasonable doubt, in other words, and for exSIL, who wasn't there and probably hasn't heard the timeline the OP gave us, it probably seems even more up in the air. So, just based on this--and again, I understand that knowing them personally could change things--it doesn't seem weird to me that the mom doesn't automatically think it's one of her own kids.

That's why I think the OP should make it clear to all that there will be consequences for this act; or at the very least, that there will be consequences if it happens again. Maybe that would make exSIL take it more seriously. I guess exSIL doesn't really need to take it seriously, though, as long as the OP holds her ground about the consequences, so maybe that's a moot point.

[DottyG]

rubbing alcohol in the eyedrops trick

Please tell me people don't really do something like this to another person?  This isn't a prank; this is seriously dangerous.

[violinp]

rubbing alcohol in the eyedrops trick

Please tell me people don't really do something like this to another person?  This isn't a prank; this is seriously dangerous.

Yeah, that goes beyond a joke to sheer malice.

[Virg]

Angelic Gamer wrote:

"Also, you have a family member in your house that cannot communicate in human language.  You do have a obligation to make sure your dog is kept safe from whatever happened to make him yelp."

BarensMom wrote:

"Personally, I just wouldn't have the sleepover, if only because anyone who hurts my dog would be unwelcome in my home."

I just wanted to point out these two comments and contrast them to oopsie's description.  She said, "Not long after that, at around 11:30pm, as I was downstairs with DD and her teenage cousins, still watching movies, we all heard the dog howling upstairs. We all looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with him. DD went upstairs, saw him waiting at the patio doors and just figuring he really needed out badly, let him out. She did not see anyone or notice anything else unusual."  Based on this, there's no indication that anyone hurt the dog at all, much less with malice.  The dog got sick but there's no indication that anyone caused this (and our dog has occasionally had nervous issues when we have lots of visitors) and the dog howled at the door to be let out but there was nobody bothering the dog when DD got there (and dogs don't normally howl when they're being hurt), so assuming that nephew did anything bad to the dog is overreaching.

Virg

[AngelicGamer]

Angelic Gamer wrote:

"Also, you have a family member in your house that cannot communicate in human language.  You do have a obligation to make sure your dog is kept safe from whatever happened to make him yelp."

BarensMom wrote:

"Personally, I just wouldn't have the sleepover, if only because anyone who hurts my dog would be unwelcome in my home."

I just wanted to point out these two comments and contrast them to oopsie's description.  She said, "Not long after that, at around 11:30pm, as I was downstairs with DD and her teenage cousins, still watching movies, we all heard the dog howling upstairs. We all looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with him. DD went upstairs, saw him waiting at the patio doors and just figuring he really needed out badly, let him out. She did not see anyone or notice anything else unusual."  Based on this, there's no indication that anyone hurt the dog at all, much less with malice.  The dog got sick but there's no indication that anyone caused this (and our dog has occasionally had nervous issues when we have lots of visitors) and the dog howled at the door to be let out but there was nobody bothering the dog when DD got there (and dogs don't normally howl when they're being hurt), so assuming that nephew did anything bad to the dog is overreaching.

Virg

Oh dear - Virg, thank you for pointing out the dog howled and didn't yelp.  I don't know how I got it into my head at the dog yelped.

I still wouldn't have the nephew or the nieces over again but that's me.  I do hope nothing happens during the planned sleepover, OP.

[NyaChan]

The fact of the matter is that any of the kids could have done this and there is no real proof that it was nephew instead of one of the others.  Cousin's mom is declaring the innocence of her children just as vehemently as oopsie is declaring the innocence of her own.  So why is everyone so quick to jump on Cousin's mom when, to me, the two are arguing the same point: that their kid didn't do it.  Without proof it doesn't seem fair to me that nephew is painted as the bad guy.

POD. Suspicion is not proof, and since Balletmoms thread was a perfect example of how trigger happy parents can be when they feel their kids have been unfairly accused I really wonder why posters have been so quick to jump on SIL.

Sorry to deviate from the topic, I remember reading the thread, but can't remember what happened at the end - anyone know?

[jibby]

POD. Suspicion is not proof, and since Balletmoms thread was a perfect example of how trigger happy parents can be when they feel their kids have been unfairly accused I really wonder why posters have been so quick to jump on SIL.

Sorry to deviate from the topic, I remember reading the thread, but can't remember what happened at the end - anyone know?

Balletmom's daughter admitted that she had shared the key to Uncle's (Balletmom's Brother) house.  BM's daughter offered a very halfhearted sort-of apology to Uncle and was not made to replace any damaged items.  BM was ofended that Uncle didn't immediately and completely forgive her daughter and forget the incident, despite the fact that BM badmouthed Uncle over the incident to the point that it caused a terrible rift within their extended family.  I was not being dramatic when I referred to it as disturbing.  I can't fathom any other reaction than mortification and restitution.

[NyaChan]

Wow, I don't know how I forgot that.     All I remembered was that the Uncle was going to go to the police.  Thanks for clueing me in!

[DottyG]

Can you give a link to that one?  I'm not remembering it at all.

[Snooks]

The link's earlier in this thread but someone mentioned the later thread where the truth of the situation came out was locked and deleted.

[jibby]

The link's earlier in this thread but someone mentioned the later thread where the truth of the situation came out was locked and deleted.

Correct.  BM started the second thread to complain about her brother, after her daughter admitted to sharing his house key.  No clue why that thread was completely deleted.


Oopsie, I have to say that you're nicer than I am.  I would go ahead and call off the sleepover in the hopes that the culprit would be outed.  I'm wishing you the best, that following your warning there won't be any more trouble.

[VorFemme]

rubbing alcohol in the eyedrops trick

Please tell me people don't really do something like this to another person?  This isn't a prank; this is seriously dangerous.

Yeah, that goes beyond a joke to sheer malice.

Kids think of things as pranks or minor issues - then find out that taking a bottle of 100 full strength aspirin will make their stomache acid enough to start sloughing the lining (a friend of DD's called her with what was probably supposed to be a suicidal gesture - only to end up with me at her house after calling an ambulance and she got her stomache pumped).

They don't know enough chemistry or read enough murder mysteries to KNOW that what they just did as an annoyance can be blinding a person or kill them (enough denatured alcohol may taste nasty to a healthy person - but if someone has lost their sense or smell or they've spiked a really strong tasting medicine.....well, the results may land them in juvenile court or even being tried as an adult).

[Slartibartfast]

I agree with VorFemme - sometimes kids do something just to be puckish, not realizing it's a bigger deal to adults.  Sometimes kids also do something wrong, realize they crossed the line, and don't do it again.  I know I can remember several times throughout my childhood where I was doing something just to be silly/bratty/difficult, it caused a royal ruckus and got my parents really angry, and even though I never confessed I knew not to ever repeat my performance.  (So mom, really sorry I picked half the wallpaper off the bathroom walls while bored one day!  I never admitted it was me, but it was probably kinda obvious!)

[VorFemme]

About fifteen or twenty(?) years ago, the junior high school where I was bullied from 12 to 14 burned to the ground.  Seems that, as a prank to get out of school early for the year, some little twerp started a "small fire" - that quickly got out of hand in a fifty or sixty year old building...ashes & rock from the outer walls were about all that was left (based on the news article and photos).

I did not go look at it because I figured dancing for joy would not go over well.  Besides - the police might start asking where I was at the time the fire started....

I understand that everyone else finished up the year in a makeshift school in a couple of warehouses.

The little twerp ended up in juvenile hall for at least a couple of years - possibly longer (I know that they had hauled her off, but I didn't see the story with her final sentencing).  Going to school in orange denim overalls has to be an "educational" experience.  She had no idea that an old building with a very dried out wooden frame would burn up that fast, I'm sure.

[oopsie]

A most sincere thank you to everyone who has taken the time to way in on this issue. I love this forum!!

I just thought it may be worth mentioning that I saw nephew's father this evening and told him what had happened last week. IMO, he took the news very seriously. He looked very solemn as I told him what had happened.

A few minutes later he followed me in to the next room and quietly thanked me for telling him as he wouldn't have known or been told otherwise. He went on to explain that nephew has some issues and is also having problems at school. He didn't come right out and say it but I think that he believed that there was a good possibility that nephew was involved and he said that he would talk to him.