Mom's 18-point rules for son and iphone

[siamesecat2965]

I heard this on the radio on my way into work, and found the article online.  I have to say, I applaud the mom.  While she does use a bit of profanity, I think she's right on the money, especially with #1.  And sadly, I know many adults who could also benefit from following these rules!

http://news.yahoo.com/moms-18-point-iphone-rules-son-143831843--abc-news-parenting.html

[auntmeegs]

I personally can't stand things like this.  It's so preachy and self-congratulatory.  You don't need to make a production out of having phone rules for your child, just have the rules without acting like you invented some new concept.

[lady_disdain]

I hated #1. If the phone was a gift, it is the boy's, not the mom's. If it isn't a gift, then don't start off by saying "You are now the proud owner of an iPhone." Also, if it is a gift, he should be able to choose if he wants to replace it or not if it gets broken. Of course, mom should tell him "this is the only phone I will give you as a gift. If anything happens to it, you are the one who will have to repair it, replace it or make do without it" but it should be his choice.

I disagree with "Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads 'Mom' or 'Dad.' Not ever." If, for example, he forgot to turn off the phone before going to the movies, he should not answer Mom or Dad. Or in class, during a doctor's appointment, while having dinner at a nice restaurant (if, for example, his friend's parents take them). Of course, the phone should have been off but the correct action in these case would be turn it off instead of answering.

Why wonder without googling? Appreciate the moment, see the beauty and research why it works that way. I would always incentive a child to google and learn.

I love 18!

[Yvaine]

I personally can't stand things like this.  It's so preachy and self-congratulatory.  You don't need to make a production out of having phone rules for your child, just have the rules without acting like you invented some new concept.

Yeah, this. It kind of reminds me of the "I didn't just grow up, I was RAISED" meme that went around a while back. I hate it when people trumpet themselves as the last bastion of civility in the world. If you're that polite (or are instilling that much politeness in the next generation), you're probably not bragging about it so much.

[hobish]

Ugh. 13 year old me would have said thanks, but no thanks. 39 year old me would do the same. That isn't a gift 
"Hoffman said that the lessons she outlined were for her son's iPhone usage, for his life and for anyone too attached to their mobile device." My. How kind of her Just what i needed, i'm sure.
"Wonder without Googling?" Do what now? I have the collective knowledge of mankind right in my pocket. That in itself fills me with wonder and excitement.

[WillyNilly]

I think its obnoxious.  I think its rude and straight up lying to say first he is the owner and then go on to say actually he isn't.  I think its preachy to say these are rules for everyone. And I think its pathetic this mom is so either insecure or overly full of herself that this list went public.

[bah12]

I think it's perfectly reasonable for a parent to give a gift to a child with stipulations and rules attached to it.  I do this all the time with my 3 year old and I'm sure the first time I buy her a phone, I will have a long list of rules associated with its use. But, putting out there for all to see...is, well...unnecessary.  This is common sense parenting (as far as having rules), not something profound.  The fact that a 13 year old has his joy of getting an i-phone overshadowed by his mom's rules that went viral...it seems cruel. I wouldn't want to do that to my child.

[Yvaine]

I think it's perfectly reasonable for a parent to give a gift to a child with stipulations and rules attached to it.  I do this all the time with my 3 year old and I'm sure the first time I buy her a phone, I will have a long list of rules associated with its use. But, putting out there for all to see...is, well...unnecessary.  This is common sense parenting (as far as having rules), not something profound.  The fact that a 13 year old has his joy of getting an i-phone overshadowed by his mom's rules that went viral...it seems cruel. I wouldn't want to do that to my child.

Yeah, I can imagine that the other kids at school are probably mockingly reading them to him on the bus. Teenagers can be awful.

[WillyNilly]

I think it's perfectly reasonable for a parent to give a gift to a child with stipulations and rules attached to it.  I do this all the time with my 3 year old and I'm sure the first time I buy her a phone, I will have a long list of rules associated with its use. But, putting out there for all to see...is, well...unnecessary.  This is common sense parenting (as far as having rules), not something profound.  The fact that a 13 year old has his joy of getting an i-phone overshadowed by his mom's rules that went viral...it seems cruel. I wouldn't want to do that to my child.

Oh yeah for sure rules are fine, in fact normal and to be expected.  Even some of hers (and quite frankly since they are non-dangerous and personal to her kid, I guess yeah all of hers).  But the list going viral?  And with its preachy message about how these rules are for anyone, not cool.

And I agree with you and Yvaine, I bet this kid is getting teased something terrible about this.

[Amava]

I think its obnoxious.  I think its rude and straight up lying to say first he is the owner and then go on to say actually he isn't.  I think its preachy to say these are rules for everyone. And I think its pathetic this mom is so either insecure or overly full of herself that this list went public.

Agreed.
If I were that boy? I'd have given her that phone right back.

Ah. I see Hobish already had the same thought. "Thanks mom, but no thanks" sounds about right.

[Iris]

I don't have a problem with a parent applying rules for the ownership of an iPhone. I DO have a problem with some of these rules like "Wonder without Googling" and "Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff." It's his phone, darn it, let him download whatever music he wants and look up and learn whatever he wants. There were a few points like that where I thought "Hey. Back off sister."

Most of all though, I had a problem with the hypocrisy of a woman telling her son not to let technology take over his life and then writing about that private conversation in her *blog*. As has been pointed out, I bet he's getting teased now. So much for not hurting people with technology 

[blarg314]

I also finding something inherently repellent when people post lists of rules like this. It's the air of "I'm so civilized and knowledgeable, and I know you're incapable of behaving like anything but a barbarian, so I'm going to lay down the law. In itemized format, because I don't think you can understand paragraphs"

Interesting, if it's posted by a neutral party, like an advice columnist, or a newspaper article, or somebody writing about a group that doesn't include them,  it doesn't bother me that way, even if I think the advice is bad.

The worst are extensive numbered lists telling people how to treat the writer (or a class of people which includes the writer). That just screams self-absorption, even when the rules are reasonable.

In this particular case, it makes the mother sound like she thinks her son is a total idiot. Given that she's the one who raised him, it makes me wonder a bit. Most of the rules aren't that unreasonable (with a few exceptions) - don't take it to school, you're responsible for repair/replacement costs, don't surf porn. The always answer if it's Mom and Dad is actually logically incompatible with instructions like "turn it off and leave it home".

I wonder what Mom would do if son gave back the iPhone, and said "I think I'll save up for one that's really my own, and I can use as I'd like."
 

[hobish]

Ugh. 13 year old me would have said thanks, but no thanks. 39 year old me would do the same. That isn't a gift 
"Hoffman said that the lessons she outlined were for her son's iPhone usage, for his life and for anyone too attached to their mobile device." My. How kind of her Just what i needed, i'm sure.
"Wonder without Googling?" Do what now? I have the collective knowledge of mankind right in my pocket. That in itself fills me with wonder and excitement.

I know i'm comitting some kind of techno-qutte violation here quoting myself, but it struck me a few minutes ago and made me laugh that having Google in my pocket is probably such a wonder to me because i am 39, not 13. I am sure it is different.

[Tia2]

I've always had my suspicions about parents who feel the need to pat themselves on the back in public about their excellent parenting skills (with the unspoken subtext that everyone should follow their example).

I know a number of people who I would call good parents and at most, they may give advice if consulted on a specific point.

[Reika]

My 13 year old self would have politely said Thanks, but no thanks to a "gift" with that list of, um, stuff. When I read the list, I wondered when would the kid be able to use the phone? Why taunt him with something like that?

My 36 year old self would tell them what they could do with the "gift".

I shared the link with my mom. Her reaction can't be posted here.

I suspect in 5 years or so, that mother is going to wonder why her son doesn't want much to do with her.