Mom's 18-point rules for son and iphone

[AngelBarchild]

Other than sounding a bit pretentious I really don't see a problem with anything she said. It's more strict than I am with my daughter's phone, but not ridiculous. I'm just a little different on how I think of things my kid "owns".  My daughter knows she is allowed to use stuff I give her, but she doesn't own anything until she buys it with her own money as an adult. Lucky for me she is a wonderful easy kid to deal with, and after toddlerhood I have only had to invoke this once, to take away her phone for being a smart mouth. Then again she's a 14 year old girl so I suppose it's pretty normal.

[Sharnita]

Sound like he could use it before or after school on weekdays and on weekends but not during meals and not so late that it could keep him up. I am not really sure  that there are a vast number of hours beyond that he could/should be using it. Most schools don't want kids on phones. Too late at night and it will affect his ability to function the next day.

[Giggity]

I think its obnoxious.  I think its rude and straight up lying to say first he is the owner and then go on to say actually he isn't.  I think its preachy to say these are rules for everyone. And I think its pathetic this mom is so either insecure or overly full of herself that this list went public.

If he's not paying the monthly bill, he doesn't OWN the phone. Mom and Dad do, and they graciously let him use it.

[Sharnita]

As a teacher I think some of the rules seem obvious but aren't. There are kids who risk child porn charges because of the photos and videos the take and post.

[laceandbits]

Yes yes and yes.  It wasn't a gift, it was a liability.  If you give someone a "gift", it is without terms and conditions.  The shame and public humiliation of this is apalling. There is an enormous difference between this and teaching them how to use a phone responsibly.

Not allowed at 13 to phone his friends after 7.30!  Not allowed to take as many silly pictures as he wants!  Selecting what sort of games he has, and he can't play on it after 7.30 anyway.  Telling him what sort of music to download!  If she wants him to listen to classical, have it playing in the house for everyone, an iPhone or iPod is for your own private choices.

If she was letting him have an iPhone with that many strings attached it should be hers (as she said) which she lends him sometimes, and he should have got a proper Christmas present of his own.

I tried to find on her blog what the son's reaction was (did he have the nounce to politely tell her what she could do with 'her' phone, but I doubt she'd admit it anyway) but it's not laid out so you can read the posts in date order - really weird.  But she has been taking some very recent flak on Twitter (probably as a result of E-hell or the ) and is thick skinnedly ignoring any less than compliment.

[BabylonSister]

I think its obnoxious.  I think its rude and straight up lying to say first he is the owner and then go on to say actually he isn't.  I think its preachy to say these are rules for everyone. And I think its pathetic this mom is so either insecure or overly full of herself that this list went public.

If he's not paying the monthly bill, he doesn't OWN the phone. Mom and Dad do, and they graciously let him use it.

But then it's not much of a Christmas present.  He wanted an iPhone for Christmas.  If he wasn't going to own it, she could have let him use it at any other time. 


Anything my kids have had for Christmas or their birthdays became entirely theirs.

[Yvaine]

Not allowed at 13 to phone his friends after 7.30! 

Cynical me wonders if this iPhone is really a gift for herself, with "buying it for Kid" as an excuse, and Mom will be playing on it after 7:30 every night! 

[Sharnita]

What is so horrifying about having a 13 yo power down as far as media sti

[lady_disdain]

I think its obnoxious.  I think its rude and straight up lying to say first he is the owner and then go on to say actually he isn't.  I think its preachy to say these are rules for everyone. And I think its pathetic this mom is so either insecure or overly full of herself that this list went public.

If he's not paying the monthly bill, he doesn't OWN the phone. Mom and Dad do, and they graciously let him use it.

The monthly phone bill and the ownership of the phone are two different things.

He was given the phone as a Christmas gift. Like any other gift, it is now his. This doesn't oblige the parents to pay the phone bill monthly (they could have told him that it was his responsibility to pay the bills out of allowance, chores, babysitting money) but the fact that they are doesn't mean the phone isn't his.

I used my parents' car for a few weeks and paid for the gas, maintenance and insurance - does that make it my car since I paid the bills?

[Yvaine]

What is so horrifying about having a 13 yo power down as far as media sti

What's really bothering us is the public self-congratulation his mom is doing, which is not only smug and annoying, but contains his real name and other identifying information. She's blasting their business to the world. They say the internet is forever and I really think parents should think about that before putting their kid's full name out there on potentially embarrassing posts.

And I do think 7:30 is overly draconian for that age. My parents were draconian as heck and I could call friends till 9 on our landline if no one else needed it.

The monthly phone bill and the ownership of the phone are two different things.

He was given the phone as a Christmas gift. Like any other gift, it is now his. This doesn't oblige the parents to pay the phone bill monthly (they could have told him that it was his responsibility to pay the bills out of allowance, chores, babysitting money) but the fact that they are doesn't mean the phone isn't his.

I'm going to agree with this. They gave him a gift of "iPhone and parents paying the monthly bill." It's not how some families would do it, but it's what they did. She calls it a gift and then in the next bullet point says it's hers and a loan. That's just not really in the spirit of "giving a gift." They could just as easily have, like you said, told him he had to pay the monthly bill, or they could have chosen to give him a gift without monthly upkeep on their end.

[Sharnita]

He isn't attached to the rack.

[Yvaine]

He isn't attached to the rack.

What?

(Sorry, maybe I need more coffee, but this is not making sense to me. Do you mean a rack like medieval torture? Because nothing else is coming to mind.)

[Sharnita]

When words like "draconian"  are used that is exactly what comes to mind.

[Yvaine]

When words like "draconian"  are used that is exactly what comes to mind.

If I say "strict" instead, will it be clearer to you what I mean? "Draconian" does have its roots in a rather nasty person from history but I've read way too many novels and have come to associate it with, oh, strict headmasters and such.

No, he is not being tortured. By the same token, a cash bar is not burning your guests at the stake, and using the wrong fork is not equivalent to the iron maiden. It's not Torture Hell. We think she's being rude, not that she's the Spanish Inquisition. 

But sometimes it feels on here like some posters want adults to receive politeness but teens should take whatever rudeness adults dish out, just because they're kids and it'll build character or something.

Anyway, though, no one thinks this is torture, just rude in terms of gift-giving etiquette, and probably thoughtless in terms of how it will follow him around on the internet for who knows how long.

[Giggity]

I think its obnoxious.  I think its rude and straight up lying to say first he is the owner and then go on to say actually he isn't.  I think its preachy to say these are rules for everyone. And I think its pathetic this mom is so either insecure or overly full of herself that this list went public.

If he's not paying the monthly bill, he doesn't OWN the phone. Mom and Dad do, and they graciously let him use it.

But then it's not much of a Christmas present.  He wanted an iPhone for Christmas.  If he wasn't going to own it, she could have let him use it at any other time. 

Anything my kids have had for Christmas or their birthdays became entirely theirs.

iPhones have a monthly data plan that someone has to pay for. Whoever is paying is the owner. Sort of like a house or a car. If you pay for it, you're the owner. You may be letting someone else use it on whatever terms, but the financially responsible party is the owner.