Mom's 18-point rules for son and iphone

[Sharnita]

Yeah. I think that bigger gifts especially come with those limits.  I cna't imagine giving a 16 year old a car and telling them they can drive it anywhere, anytime, with anyone, to do anything.

[WolfWay]

I disagree with the "don't take hundreds of photos" point. Taking photos/videos is a great way to remember awesome events in your life, or fun times with friends, or cool things you've done or seen.

[Sharnita]

I think that is actually good for a standard camera, too, in that sometimes people can get caught up in taking pictures of an event to such a degree that they really don't experience the event fully.  I think getting a good balance can be tough.

[WolfWay]

I think that is actually good for a standard camera, too, in that sometimes people can get caught up in taking pictures of an event to such a degree that they really don't experience the event fully.  I think getting a good balance can be tough.

Oh I agree, I think a couple of photos of you and your friends next to a famous landmark or before a big concert is a great thing to have. Then put the darn phone away and enjoy yourself.    I guess I was percevieving of the "lots of photos" being applied to life in general, rather than lots of photos at a single event (that's due to my own personal habit of only taking one or two posed shots at an event and then forgetting about my phone's camera for the next week or so).

[Ceallach]

I love the concept (giving a clear set of guidelines for the child) but I loathe the execution.   Her style is just so off-putting. 

In terms of the rules themselves, the one I hate most is this one:  "If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever."    So basically if the son is having dinner at somebody's house, or having a conversation with somebody, he's supposed to rudely interrupt it to answer his phone?    (I presume, of course, that the parents have a general idea of his whereabouts and aren't calling to find out where he is).   It's a terrible blanket rule to imply that answering your phone anywhere and everywhere is required - I'd be telling my kid the exact opposite!   (e.g. don't be tied to your phone and think you have to answer it every second of the day). 

[WolfWay]

I love the concept (giving a clear set of guidelines for the child) but I loathe the execution.   Her style is just so off-putting. 

In terms of the rules themselves, the one I hate most is this one:  "If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever."    So basically if the son is having dinner at somebody's house, or having a conversation with somebody, he's supposed to rudely interrupt it to answer his phone?    (I presume, of course, that the parents have a general idea of his whereabouts and aren't calling to find out where he is).   It's a terrible blanket rule to imply that answering your phone anywhere and everywhere is required - I'd be telling my kid the exact opposite!   (e.g. don't be tied to your phone and think you have to answer it every second of the day).

I wonder if his parents would jump on him for answering his phone during family lunch or conversations with his parents.

"But you said 'If it rings, answer it'".
"Yes, but NOT NOW!"

[Diane AKA Traska]

Doing a little math here:

7:30 AM to 7:30 PM (schoolnights) or 9 PM (weekends) comes out to 86 hours a week, as a starting figure.  (out of 168 hours a week).
"It does not go to school with you".  Let's assume that to be seven hours a day, transit time included.  That brings us down to 41 hours per week.
Turn it off in public:  Well, now we're really getting somewhere.  Let's assume this kid hangs with friends for an hour each day on schooldays, and spends five hours away from home each day on weekends (mall, friends, whathaveyou.)  That brings us down to 26 hours a week.
"Leave your phone home sometimes."  Well, that's unsettlingly vague, so we'll just stick with 26 hours.  He's graciously allowed to use his Christmas present for a whopping 16% of the time.  Isn't she the greatest?

Yes, she can set whatever rules she wants (and obviously does so), but this is not a gift.  This is her toy that she lends him.  Which she passed off as a major holiday present.

[Sharnita]

Doing a little math here:

7:30 AM to 7:30 PM (schoolnights) or 9 PM (weekends) comes out to 86 hours a week, as a starting figure.  (out of 168 hours a week).
"It does not go to school with you".  Let's assume that to be seven hours a day, transit time included.  That brings us down to 41 hours per week.
Turn it off in public:  Well, now we're really getting somewhere.  Let's assume this kid hangs with friends for an hour each day on schooldays, and spends five hours away from home each day on weekends (mall, friends, whathaveyou.)  That brings us down to 26 hours a week.
"Leave your phone home sometimes."  Well, that's unsettlingly vague, so we'll just stick with 26 hours.  He's graciously allowed to use his Christmas present for a whopping 16% of the time.  Isn't she the greatest?

Yes, she can set whatever rules she wants (and obviously does so), but this is not a gift.  This is her toy that she lends him.  Which she passed off as a major holiday present.

The assumption of a 15 yo who is away form home 5 hours a day every weekend day is pretty interesting, alhtough I don't know that it is particularly accurate for the majority of kids. But then again, neither is the idea of a kid who is at achool for 7 hours a day but only manages one hour with friends.

[AngelBarchild]

Doing a little math here:

7:30 AM to 7:30 PM (schoolnights) or 9 PM (weekends) comes out to 86 hours a week, as a starting figure.  (out of 168 hours a week).
"It does not go to school with you".  Let's assume that to be seven hours a day, transit time included.  That brings us down to 41 hours per week.
Turn it off in public:  Well, now we're really getting somewhere.  Let's assume this kid hangs with friends for an hour each day on schooldays, and spends five hours away from home each day on weekends (mall, friends, whathaveyou.)  That brings us down to 26 hours a week.
"Leave your phone home sometimes."  Well, that's unsettlingly vague, so we'll just stick with 26 hours.  He's graciously allowed to use his Christmas present for a whopping 16% of the time.  Isn't she the greatest?

Yes, she can set whatever rules she wants (and obviously does so), but this is not a gift.  This is her toy that she lends him.  Which she passed off as a major holiday present.

What is the problem with only allowing 26 hours a week of screen time on the phone for her 13 year old child? Almost everyone restricts screen time for their kids, it's not any different than a computer and most don't give unrestricted access to that.

[Sharnita]

If he were eith his friends 5 hours  a day.on weekends would you want him ignoring their physical presence in favor of his phone?

[Diane AKA Traska]

I don't turn my phone off when I'm in public, but that doesn't mean I'm ignoring anyone.

It sounds like what she really wanted for him to have is a landline (doesn't go with him to school, won't take tons of photos, can't google), but that wouldn't have made her seem so awesome as being the mom who "gives" her kid an iPhone.

[Sharnita]

She doesn't say he can't google ever. She would like him to use other options on occassion. As far as school, it it possible the school has a no phone policy.

[Hmmmmm]

Doing a little math here:

7:30 AM to 7:30 PM (schoolnights) or 9 PM (weekends) comes out to 86 hours a week, as a starting figure.  (out of 168 hours a week).
"It does not go to school with you".  Let's assume that to be seven hours a day, transit time included.  That brings us down to 41 hours per week.
Turn it off in public:  Well, now we're really getting somewhere.  Let's assume this kid hangs with friends for an hour each day on schooldays, and spends five hours away from home each day on weekends (mall, friends, whathaveyou.)  That brings us down to 26 hours a week.
"Leave your phone home sometimes."  Well, that's unsettlingly vague, so we'll just stick with 26 hours.  He's graciously allowed to use his Christmas present for a whopping 16% of the time.  Isn't she the greatest?

Yes, she can set whatever rules she wants (and obviously does so), but this is not a gift.  This is her toy that she lends him.  Which she passed off as a major holiday present.

I think a 13 yr old is going to be thrilled to have access to a phone from 3:30 to 7:30 week days and more time on the weekends.  If my child decided to concentrate on the time they couldn't use it instead of the time they could, I would be disappointed.  If a child sleeps 8 hours a night and in school 7 hours 5 days a week, then there is 77 other hours per week. 
3:30 to 4:30 5 days per week = 20 hours
9 to 9pm weekends = 24
Less 12 hours a week "public" time
Total 32 hrs useable phone time. 
That is a 41% of non school/sleep time they have access to their phone.

0% to 41% seems like a pretty nice Christmas present to me.  Of course it is looking at it with a glass half full view.

[Morticia]

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence.

That's the one that bothered me most. It's what we call an interesting assumption. It's also highly insulting.

The whole thing just sounded to me like she doesn't think much at all of her son.

[Sharnita]

I would say she has heard some stories about sexting, posts on youtube, etc. I have been confoundedby how many kids (boys and girls) seem to make really alarming decisions, some even facing criminal charges and the potential of a lifetime on the sex offender registry.