Mom's 18-point rules for son and iphone

[Hmmmmm]

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence.

That's the one that bothered me most. It's what we call an interesting assumption. It's also highly insulting.

The whole thing just sounded to me like she doesn't think much at all of her son.

I don't think it's being insulting, just a mom who's trying to raise a teen in today's environment.  My DD is 17 now, but when she was in 7th grade I was astounded at the number of young girls and boys in her class who were sending and receiving inappropriate photos.  I even had a very good friend's DD who at 14 (who up until that point had always shown a good judgement) thought it was a good idea and send a photo of one of her sisters as a joke to one of her female friends.  The photo ended up going almost viral and several kid's, originator included, were almost arrested for distribution of child pornography.

[Hawkwatcher]

I think the problem with long lists is that they have less impact that shorter lists.  No sane person would condemn any parent for having rules against using a phone as a weapon to hurt others or taking inappropriate pictures.

But I think that this mom is risking diminishing the importance of her rules by including rules that would work better as advice.  For example, I think that telling one's child that he should broaden his musical horizons can be good advice.  I don't think it needs to be a rule.

[thedudeabides]

She owed her son the respect of having this conversation face-to-face without going out of her way to pat herself on the back by posting it online. Parenting rules are great. Kids need them. The rest of the world doesn't need to know how awesome (if logically challenged) parents think they are.

[Shoo]

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence.

That's the one that bothered me most. It's what we call an interesting assumption. It's also highly insulting.

The whole thing just sounded to me like she doesn't think much at all of her son.

It's not insulting.  It's reality.  I've had the same conversation with my almost 13 year old daughter.  To NOT have this conversation is nuts.  And just because she's using a little bit of humor to get her point across does not invalidate the point.

[blarg314]

I hadn't realized that the mom had gone public with this list, including the full name and general location of her son.

That poor kid!  I wouldn't consider the part-time use of an iPhone to be sufficient compensation for that kind of public humiliation.

I think what the mother is, is completely and utterly lacking is diplomacy and tact.

The rules themselves aren't that outrageous. But they're phrased like she thinks her son is an ill-mannered barbarian who can't be trusted with an iPhone without an 18-point rule list and public humiliation, and if she doesn't oversee his every move, he's going to end up texting pictures of his junk to everyone he knows. And then she puts on a road show to display how absolutely wonderful a parent she is to have done this.

The same rules, presented in a sit-down conversation with the kid, with more of a "I know you're a sensible kid, but I want to make sure we're clear on this, because it's easy to get sucked in to using it that much" sense would have been much more reasonable. Or, for that matter, if she doesn't think her kid is capable of using an iPhone responsibly, how about not giving him an iPhone and waiting a few years until he's mature enough to handle it.

[MariaE]

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence.

That's the one that bothered me most. It's what we call an interesting assumption. It's also highly insulting.

The whole thing just sounded to me like she doesn't think much at all of her son.

That's the one that bothered me the least. The "Don't laugh." indicates to me that she thinks well enough of her son to know that he would find the idea ridiculous now, but that she also knows what hormones, peer pressure and "it seemed like a good idea at the time" can result in.

Some of the rules I find sensible, some are way off, but as a whole it's still a gift I would have appreciated at age 13. However, I would also have broken some of the rules I found ridiculous (not googling or downloading the music I wanted to for instance).

I would have been pi**** off if my mum had gone public with the list though!

[elephantschild]

I'm starting to feel like I must be really, really behind the times.

I'm stunned. I just saw this today and went looking for it on eHell, expecting that people would, you know, be pleased at the fact that someone is actually parenting. 

All I'll say is that I think they're great. Common sense. And importantly, done with a sense of humor.

One thing: What's so wrong about the mom writing about it on her blog? That's not pretentious or insulting. That's sort of what blogs are for. And it's not her fault it went viral. That's out of anyone's control.

And the allegations of "this is not a gift?" You're giving a 13-year-old access to an iPhone and it's not a gift?  I don't know. I guess it seems to me that it's a really cool thing they're doing.

I feel old. Ancient, even.

[Sharnita]

As far as the blog, I'm not sure. A lot of writers and comedians past and present have written and talked about their kids and husbands without hiding identities. I don't find Erma Bombeck or Bill Cosby rude.

[MissRose]

I disagree with those who do not think the gift of the phone to a teenager should come with conditions.  I believe the mother is correct in insisting on certain rules and stuff as so many teens think owning techy stuff like phones, video game systems, tablets, & computers are rights when they are not.  My cousin disabled her teen daughter's facebook and a few other things when she was being disobedient (at home and school) then once her daughter proved she could behave over a period of time, then she was given back her facebook page & stuff.

[Diane AKA Traska]

As far as the blog, I'm not sure. A lot of writers and comedians past and present have written and talked about their kids and husbands without hiding identities. I don't find Erma Bombeck or Bill Cosby rude.

See, I find Cosby horribly unfunny mostly because of his parenting "humor".

[Winterlight]

She owed her son the respect of having this conversation face-to-face without going out of her way to pat herself on the back by posting it online. Parenting rules are great. Kids need them. The rest of the world doesn't need to know how awesome (if logically challenged) parents think they are.

Agreed. The rules aren't so bad- posting them online? Ugh.

[LadyL]

Regardless of the rules themselves, I think that when you write anything akin to a parenting manifesto (or a teen phone use manifesto in this case) you open you and your family up to a lot of criticism. I personally think parenting decisions should be kept private because they can be about as controversial as medical decisions, with everyone wanting to have their say. Letting the public into your family's life is a choice that shouldn't be taken lightly.

I have an acquaintance with a parenting blog who has been the target of a lot of trolls harassing her because they think, based on her posts, that she is a hypocrite. She has a public funding drive going to help pay for the birth of her 5th child. She has posted enough about her finances that there are some people who think she is living irresponsibly beyond her means, and others who think she is thrifty and resourceful - the point is that she is exposed to criticism. It seems to really bother her, too - of course there will always be someone out there who is going to be critical, people are so different and on the internet people can be so mean, but I would think you'd expect it if blogging publicly.

If you are a parenting expert, like a family therapist or something, then by all means write about what people should do. But I think "lay people" should consider the implications of sharing information about their family before doing so, and consider making their blog private/subscription only at a minimum.

[BabylonSister]

I'm starting to feel like I must be really, really behind the times.

I'm stunned. I just saw this today and went looking for it on eHell, expecting that people would, you know, be pleased at the fact that someone is actually parenting. 

All I'll say is that I think they're great. Common sense. And importantly, done with a sense of humor.

One thing: What's so wrong about the mom writing about it on her blog? That's not pretentious or insulting. That's sort of what blogs are for. And it's not her fault it went viral. That's out of anyone's control.

And the allegations of "this is not a gift?" You're giving a 13-year-old access to an iPhone and it's not a gift?  I don't know. I guess it seems to me that it's a really cool thing they're doing.

I feel old. Ancient, even.

- Rules are a good thing when dealing with a teenager and an expensive piece of electronics that broadcasts to the world.  I don't think too many people here have issues with rules being in place.  But the mother does that which she does not want her son to do: publicly broadcasting a private matter (to glorify herself.)  What you post on the Internet is there forever. It's not just true of naughty pictures.  It's also true of blog posts that concern your teen. 


- I don't have an issue with giving the kid access to the iPhone rather than making him the owner of it.  I just don't think loaning an iPhone is that great of a Christmas gift. 

[GreenEyedHawk]

I don't have any real issue with the rules either, beyond what I've already mentioned (the Google one) but I think (and I think a few other posters have mentioned) her posting the whole thing online smacks of her braying "LOOK WHAT A GOOD PARENT I AM!  YOU SHOULD ALL DO WHAT I DO!!

Of course, that's just how it comes across to me.

[Zilla]

Parenting fail.  If that had been reworded differently, I would applaud it.  But the condescending tone and the whole look at me how great of a parent am I writing like this just threw it all off.


I had rules for my kid and it was simple and matter of factly.  I didn't talk to her like she was 2 years old.