Mom's 18-point rules for son and iphone

[Amava]

Well, in that case, we should also expect that people who write about how they teach their children about AIDS or avoiding pregnancy should be censured, because that is certainly "private and intimate". Instead, public policy is that this sort of education should be made as public as possible, even made mandatory in the public schools.

Sexual health is not something we should be avoiding talking about, and "sexting" can be devastating to young people when things go wrong. I don't think that there is anything more inappropriate about writing, "I told my child not to send nude pictures to their friends," than "I told my child to always practice 'no glove, no love'".

To the bold: absolutely! That was exactly what I meant - write about it all you want, as a mother or father, but do it anonymously!
Surely parents shouldn't post in their own name, publically, about their very intimate conversations with their children?
That belongs in the privacy of their own houses!

It is one thing to be taught about these things at school, in the presence of your peers.
But what is said about private lives, between you and your father and mother, do you really want to see that out on the internet with your name on it, as a teen? I don't think so!

Do you really think it is acceptable for a parent to make such things public? Non-anonymously?   

If I was the child of a parent who did that, I would never discuss anything intimate with my parents again!

[thedudeabides]

Well, in that case, we should also expect that people who write about how they teach their children about AIDS or avoiding pregnancy should be censured, because that is certainly "private and intimate". Instead, public policy is that this sort of education should be made as public as possible, even made mandatory in the public schools.

Sexual health is not something we should be avoiding talking about, and "sexting" can be devastating to young people when things go wrong. I don't think that there is anything more inappropriate about writing, "I told my child not to send nude pictures to their friends," than "I told my child to always practice 'no glove, no love'".

To the bold: absolutely! That was exactly what I meant - write about it all you want, as a mother or father, but do it anonymously!
Surely parents shouldn't post in their own name, publically, about their very intimate conversations with their children?
That belongs in the privacy of their own houses!

It is one thing to be taught about these things at school, in the presence of your peers.
But what is said about private lives, between you and your father and mother, do you really want to see that out on the internet with your name on it, as a teen? I don't think so!

Do you really think it is acceptable for a parent to make such things public? Non-anonymously?   

If I was the child of a parent who did that, I would never discuss anything intimate with my parents again!

Thank you for expressing what I was trying to say but much better. I've actually seen several good blog posts by parents trying to figure out how to talk about sex and sexual health with their kid's. But when they said it, they didn't post about the specifics and they certainly didn't publish their kids' names. I'm a huge proponent of being open about sex with your kids, but I think this is not the way to make your kids feel comfortable talking to you about it.

[Twik]

Ah. I see your point there.

It reminds me of the Ogden Nash poem (this is from memory, not verbatim):

"I have a funny Daddy who goes in and out with me,
And every thing that Baby does, my Daddy's sure to see.
And every thing that Baby says, my Daddy's sure to tell.
You MUST have read my Daddy's verse.
I hope he burns in h***."

[auntmeegs]

Frankly I think most of us could care less what rules she has for her kid and the phone.  I know I don't.   For me, its the smarmy, "I'm so wise, I'm doling out sage advice" tone that is so annoying, like she's the Dalai Lama or something.  "Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without Googling."  Please, give me a break. 
Or "If it rings answer it.  It's a phone."  Gee, how clever of you to have spotted that. 
And did anyone else notice that she helpfully pointed out that the rules were for her son's iPhone usage, his life, and for anyone too attached to their mobile device?  Its just so...obnoxious. 

The term "get over yourself" comes to mind here. 

[Amava]

Ah. I see your point there.

It reminds me of the Ogden Nash poem (this is from memory, not verbatim):

"I have a funny Daddy who goes in and out with me,
And every thing that Baby does, my Daddy's sure to see.
And every thing that Baby says, my Daddy's sure to tell.
You MUST have read my Daddy's verse.
I hope he burns in h***."

Yes! That poem describes the icky feeling of having one's private business plastered all over the internet as a child/teen pretty well!

Hmmm the more responses I read, the more I start realising why I disliked this so much.

But you know, telling your child "don't share nude pictures with your cellphone or over the internet" is something that  enters into very private, intimate territory....

Following the recent case where a child committed suicide after providing nude photos to the wrong sort of person, I would say this advice is just as important as, say, teaching your child how to put on a condom on a banana.

And I totally agree with you on that. Completely! I don't underestimate the dangers or the impact at all, and I certainly don't deny that it needs to be addressed preventively.

And I just had another horrifying thought. What, do you think, are the chances that this particular kid's peers will start challenging him to take inappropriate pics exactly /because/ they saw his mom telling him publically not to do that?
I suppose it depends on what kind of "friends" he has, but some teens would see this as a "challenge accepted" invitation to start trolling him for pics...

[Iris]

Ah. I see your point there.

It reminds me of the Ogden Nash poem (this is from memory, not verbatim):

"I have a funny Daddy who goes in and out with me,
And every thing that Baby does, my Daddy's sure to see.
And every thing that Baby says, my Daddy's sure to tell.
You MUST have read my Daddy's verse.
I hope he burns in h***."

I know just what you mean - I loved the Winnie the Pooh stories as a child, and with my children. I was quite distressed to learn that in his later childhood Christopher Robin Milne was teased at school and *hated* that his father had published so many of what he considered 'his' childhood poems. I assume he recovered from that in later adulthood but it was still a sad fact to learn about a beloved classic.

On the sexting versus other forms of education - I don't know about in the States, but at my school the kids are regularly and formally trained about the dangers of technology and the importance of smart choices. It's part of the curriculum now, so it's certainly not something that they'll only hear from their parents and the kids will quite openly discuss what they've learnt.

[TurtleDove]

I agree with Twik.  Pretending an "issue" does not exist is truly not the best way to address it.  The fact is, people sext.  Good people sext.  Smart people sext.  Adults sext.  When minors do it, there are additional issues because they are minors and because they may not have the ability to adequately gage who will keep their photos/texts private and who will expose them to everyone for a laugh. 

[thedudeabides]

I agree with Twik.  Pretending an "issue" does not exist is truly not the best way to address it.  The fact is, people sext.  Good people sext.  Smart people sext.  Adults sext.  When minors do it, there are additional issues because they are minors and because they may not have the ability to adequately gage who will keep their photos/texts private and who will expose them to everyone for a laugh.

And I reiterate that no one is saying to do so. We're saying she isn't building any trust with her son by blasting it out publicly with his name attached to it.