Author Topic: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity  (Read 5311 times)

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Sharnita

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #15 on: January 04, 2013, 06:14:03 PM »
I assu,e your ot os with theirs? I wonder if it is a way (maybe subconcscious) of making sure  tjat you visit/care for their ots?

And not everybody does need a spot. Some people are happy being svattered, stored or donated.

DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #16 on: January 04, 2013, 06:17:23 PM »
You lost me a bit there, Sharnita!  What?!


WillyNilly

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #17 on: January 04, 2013, 06:25:24 PM »
Ever read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn? (No?  You all should, its great.) In it, the family always talks about how important it is to own land, that is the true American dream, to own your land. For some characters the most land they ever own is in death - their grave. Your parents gave you an odd but probably loving and responsible gift that if looked at from the right angle is rather sweet.

(And really its possible its a gift that more about them.  If so please forgive them instantly.  They might be thinking about and planning for their own mortality and thus have these things on the brain, and might in fact have been out shopping for their own plots, and just picked up a few spares for family members.)

Sharnita

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #18 on: January 04, 2013, 06:25:50 PM »
Sorry. Hate posting with the phone. If the parents got the gift plot alongside theirs I wonder if some of their motivation is to make sure their graves are visited and cared for.

QueenofAllThings

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #19 on: January 04, 2013, 07:04:36 PM »
Someone else may have mentioned this (I apologize for skimming) but it is a little weirdly controlling.  You are a young person with (presumably) a long life ahead of you. You may marry. You may move. You may choose not to be buried.

The King was a widower when I married him.  His late first wife's parents INSISTED on his name being on the stone with his wife's; he was 40, and refused. As it is, her name is on the right of the stone, and there's a giant blank space on the left waiting for him. It makes him very uncomfortable.

DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #20 on: January 04, 2013, 07:07:11 PM »
Quote
You may marry. You may move. You may choose not to be buried.

And all those things are fine and able to be resolved if circumstances require a change.  That doesn't change anything as far as having something now, though.  Yes, the OP is young.  And I sure do hope she has a long life remaining.  Nothing's guaranteed, though.


Sharnita

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #21 on: January 04, 2013, 07:41:28 PM »
She still might prefer to be scattered, stashed or donated. If I go tomorrow I do not want to be buried so anybody telling me I should have a plot is wrong.

DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #22 on: January 04, 2013, 07:47:05 PM »
Once again, you're not committed to be put into the ground in that spot!  If your wishes end up being such that scattering the ashes is more to your liking, you're free to set that up with someone to do for you!

I'm presuming that the OP's parents know her well enough to know whether she wants to be buried or scattered or sent into space. ;)  After all, that's kind of one of those things you're going to need to tell someone about ahead of time if you want it done.


TootsNYC

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #23 on: January 04, 2013, 07:52:40 PM »
there is a theory that cemetery plots only go up in value. Which would mean that 40 years from now, when you decide you want to switch the plans around, you could sell the one you've got for more money than they paid for it.

I think this gift also means that the OP is probably getting hard to buy for.

Sharnita

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #24 on: January 04, 2013, 08:06:45 PM »
OP's post did not indicate she was particularly comfortable with it or that  they had previously gone over her wishes.

DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #25 on: January 04, 2013, 08:15:32 PM »
She didn't say that, but I made what I thought was a logical assumption!  Like I said, it's not exactly something you should keep to yourself!  The time to let someone know what you want done with your body is usually best before the occasion arises.  I would assume most people have let their loved ones know what they think about burial vs cremation vs donation.

And, if the OP isn't in favor of burial, now would be a pretty good time to address it with them.  She has the perfect opening - "You know what, Mom and Dad?  I really think I want my remains to be jettisoned to Mars instead of burying it!"
 
 
 
« Last Edit: January 04, 2013, 08:17:46 PM by DottyG »

Sharnita

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #26 on: January 04, 2013, 08:29:14 PM »
As far as burial plots only going up in value, that is a fallacy. People believed that would be true of homes and other real estate. Cemetaries can be in aread that eventually become high crime low income or the company managing the cemetary doesn't manage it well any more or has rules that are too strict. Sometimes the population shifts to a different part of town or the economy tanks and people flee town entirely.

CakeEater

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #27 on: January 04, 2013, 08:47:35 PM »
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What if you'd prefer to be buried next to your husband rather than your parents? Or you move to another state, and that really becomes your home over the next 60 or so years, and you'd prefer to be buried there? Or you want your cremated remains scattered in the Grand Canyon?

I already answered that.

If you decide to be buried elsewhere, it's not a problem.  However, this does ensure that you have a place to be buried.  This isn't something that you can put off; in fact, the sooner you have a place set aside (yes, even in your 20s or 30s), the better off you are.  Like I said, it may seem morbid at the time, but it's the responsible thing to do.
 
I wrote my will when I was in my early 20s.  It was horribly depressing, and I hated doing it.  However, it's now done, and I don't have to think about it anymore (unless something changes in my life to where I'd need to tweak it somehow).  I can now not have to dwell on it or experience that depressing feeling, because it's finished.  Same thing with the grave.  I don't have to ponder it anymore or be concerned about it.  It's something that I can now put out of my mind and know that it's taken care of.

I agree that having a will (and I do) is an important responsibility. Having a burial plot isn't. You mentioned at least having a place to be buried. Well, I don't think that's going to be an issue. They're not going to stop building cemetaries in the next 50 years, I wouldn't think, so there will always be somewhere.

Plus, for me, the final destination of my earthly body doesn't matter very much, so I'd rather my next-of-kin at the time did whatever they needed to, or whatever was easy for them. Sure, if you have an absolute need to be buried in a particular place, then you shouldn't burden your family with providing that location after you've died, but if not, then it's extra money, effort and paperwork that no-one needed to spend, or spend time on. I feel no burden of responsibility to buy a burial plot.

Unless someone has made their preference pretty clear about their final resting place, I think it's pretty controlling of someone to tell you what they think you should do, which is the message I'd be receiving if I got a gift like this.

And there's far less message-laden investments, if that was their intention.

She didn't say that, but I made what I thought was a logical assumption!  Like I said, it's not exactly something you should keep to yourself!  The time to let someone know what you want done with your body is usually best before the occasion arises.  I would assume most people have let their loved ones know what they think about burial vs cremation vs donation.

And, if the OP isn't in favor of burial, now would be a pretty good time to address it with them.  She has the perfect opening - "You know what, Mom and Dad?  I really think I want my remains to be jettisoned to Mars instead of burying it!"
 

The problem with this is that I don't know what I want done with my remains. Like I said, I don't actually care that much. I certainly haven't discussed it with my parents.

And I'm not sure about the OP's case, but my parents aren't my next-of-kin any more. Them attempting to have a hand in that decision would be taking over a role that is my husband's domain.

DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #28 on: January 04, 2013, 08:50:23 PM »
I disagree.

But I'm willing to agree to do so mutually. :)


buvezdevin

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #29 on: January 04, 2013, 08:59:50 PM »
I read OP's comment as a matter of surprised mild consternation at the gift, but not an objection which required addressing now (I may have misread).

Having personally known relatives to whom the idea of where folks will eventually reside long term is of concern, I also - perhaps inaccurately  - presume that OP's folks want to have space for her "with or near them".

I don't mean to be cavalier in considering what matters, and the how and whys, because I know from personal experience how that may matter "differently" by groupings or family lines (close family buried in a location for ease of visiting by relatives, and another branch where cremation is the preferred general route with internment but less likely to be a place which folks feel a need or inclination to visit).

In any case, unless the OP has known, definitive plans which conflict with those made known by her parents - OR if the grant of a burial plot comes with fees the OP would be responsible for paying - it seems, please pardon the bad pun, a bad hill to die on.
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