Author Topic: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity  (Read 5254 times)

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DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #45 on: January 05, 2013, 10:27:56 PM »
Quote
But then, everyone who's actually close to me knows this.

And that's the key. The OP's parents know her and her wishes. It wasn't done blindly - just as it wouldn't be for many of the rest of us. Your family knows this wouldn't be within your desires, so it wouldn't be aporopriate.


Yvaine

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #46 on: January 05, 2013, 10:40:17 PM »
Quote
But then, everyone who's actually close to me knows this.

And that's the key. The OP's parents know her and her wishes. It wasn't done blindly - just as it wouldn't be for many of the rest of us. Your family knows this wouldn't be within your desires, so it wouldn't be aporopriate.

Where are you getting the bolded? By my reading of the thread, they have not had a serious discussion about the topic and it was out of the blue. It sounds like they accidentally hit upon something similar to what she planned on anyway, but I don't know where the idea came from that this was after a serious discussion. See the quote:

Thanks everyone, for your thoughts. I didn't think the topic would take on the very serious issues brought up here.

As for me, I am not at all offended by my folks' gift. They were just trying to take care of me and if I were to unload it at some point they wouldn't be hurt. We have never discussed the idea seriously, but I do want to be interred so there was no problem there.

I also don't get why this thread has gone so angry. I think the OP is more amused, and bemused, than anything else.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #47 on: January 05, 2013, 10:52:13 PM »
My parents don't know what I plan on doing with my remains as I've never discussed it with them, but I've talked to DH about it.   He wants to be buried, I want to be cremated without a viewing.  It could be for religious reasons, as my paternal grandparents were Catholic, that for the viewing and funeral mass they were in a casket but afterwards they were cremated. 

I just changed denominations in the last year, so I really don't know the rules yet as far as cremation and such but I told DH that I prefer that for financial reasons he just have me cremated so he doesn't have to pay for a casket that wouldn't even be used once respects are paid and a funeral service has taken place. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #48 on: January 05, 2013, 10:53:07 PM »
I'm not seeing where it's gotten angry. I'm not angry. I didn't realize others were. ???

I've seen some pretty funny responses as thank yous, actually!

« Last Edit: January 05, 2013, 10:54:52 PM by DottyG »

bloo

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #49 on: January 06, 2013, 02:19:33 PM »
Bloo....in regards to your thoughts above that "when I'm in an urn, I don't want to be carted around, but then ill be dead and won't be able to be all snitty about it"....maybe this leads into a whole other area here to discuss "etiquette for the afterlife" lol

When I'm dead and six feet under
How polite would it be
For me to complain
Bout not being under a tree?

How will we address issues that come up in the afterlife, maybe we can have an afterlife etiquette forum to discuss when haunting a person is appropriate versus just resolving the issue thru st Peter,or whatever chain of command there is?  I guess for now I have my plate full worrying about the here and now, but still, its an idea

 ;D Too funny! To the bolded - Exactly!

wolfie

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #50 on: January 06, 2013, 02:37:28 PM »
I don't care what happens to my body after I am dead, although being dehydrated and having the remains scattered or being made into compost do appeal to me. I got both of those ideas after reading the book STIFF by Mary Roach - she looks into what happens to bodies after we die and both of those are actual options. But I also hate the idea of people spending any money on it so would ask that they go with the cheapest option that places no burden on others. My parents immigrated from Germany so my Aunt is the only one left to tend to graves and I can see what a burden that is on her. I wouldn't want someone else to feel like they need to visit my grave every few weeks to make sure it looks nice. Since she is most likely going to be the last survivor in Germany she doesn't want a grave either. In the cemetery where everyone is buried there is a giant beautiful grassy field - that is where people can have their ashes buried anonymously. She wants to be buried there. I like that option too - have my ashes buried in a beautiful place where people can come "visit" if they want to, but no one will feel obligated to do any upkeep.

People know I want to be cremated but they don't know much else - mainly because it has never come up. I would not be pleased with a gift of a grave.

Ladybugs

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #51 on: January 06, 2013, 02:42:02 PM »
This is bringing up burial vs cremation, cremation seems more commonplace now but some religions forbid cremation and have specific rules about the handling of the human body after death and definitely for those people they do need a final resting place burial plot

DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #52 on: January 06, 2013, 03:24:31 PM »
Mine is in a place that's taken care of by the cemetery, so no one has to come by every two weeks to tend to it. In fact, it's a gorgeous place! Looks like a beautiful park. The last time went by there, there were geese walking around. If you have to die, this is the place to be buried!


Sharnita

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #53 on: January 06, 2013, 03:33:52 PM »
Most places that are taken care of by the cemetary still seem to benefit from persobal visits and care. My grandparents are cared for in the sense that they are mowed and so forth. But for somebody to really edge, cut back any little uncroaching overgrowth at the ground level, change out flowers, etc. requires personal attention from visitors. Ialso think that making sure the cemetary keeps up with their end requires visitors. There are cemetaries that are so old there  doesn't seem to be anybody left alive to visit. Who would notice if they were skimping or not fulfilling their contract if nobody visited?

DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #54 on: January 06, 2013, 03:37:31 PM »
Hmmmm. That's odd. Both mine and the one my great grandparents are in are taken care of completely. When we have gone to them just to visit, there isn't anything we could do - everything's been perfectly taken care of.  Wonder why some aren't when they claim they should be.



Yvaine

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #55 on: January 06, 2013, 03:38:40 PM »
Hmmmm. That's odd. Both mine and the one my great grandparents are in are taken care of completely. When we have gone to them just to visit, there isn't anything we could do - everything's been perfectly taken care of.  Wonder why some aren't when they claim they should be.

Probably just because people are human, and some are conscientious and some are not, and some are honest and some are not. Just like any other business, some will have people who cut corners when they can get away with it, and some won't.

Sharnita

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #56 on: January 06, 2013, 03:46:16 PM »
And because the level of what is "good enough" for a compny that is there to make a profit and are complete strangers to th hundreds or thousands buried there might be different yhan the "good enough" of a loved one. When I did the edging along one stone I worked for at least halh an hour, at one point laying down flat among the bugs. I did it out of love and duty. The cost in man hours for a business to get workers to do that for every stone...

Ladybugs

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #57 on: January 06, 2013, 03:48:44 PM »
Dotty,
Sounds very similar to the one I want to have as my final resting place..the park keeps it up so relatives don't have to do the upkeep, only visit if they want. They have diferent areas like sunrise slope, resurrection hill etc

I have a kind of funny story I'm embarrassed to admit, when I was about 19 my boyfriend asked me if I minded coming along with him to visit a gravesite of someone he knew who'd passed away...I went with him and then he said he wanted to ask someone there about how much a plot costed. It was kind of awkward, the lady was wondering why two healthy looking young people would stop in to ask about the cost of a burial plot. She discreetly asked "will you be needing it soon?" and my boyfriend said oh no, just someday, and she kind of went hmmm, ok....I kind of just went along with him, I guess he was just curious but probably looked odd , not the typical scenario to have a healthy person that young go grave browsing
It made me think I bet she's seen alot of awkward scenarios but she was very adept at finding out information. It was kind of funny how she wanted to know why is this young man going grave shopping, wondering if he was dying or something and so she said "will you be needing it...soon?"  :o
The kind of job you definately need to know how to word things delicately....how SOON will you require our 'services'? 

wolfie

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #58 on: January 06, 2013, 06:09:28 PM »
Mine is in a place that's taken care of by the cemetery, so no one has to come by every two weeks to tend to it. In fact, it's a gorgeous place! Looks like a beautiful park. The last time went by there, there were geese walking around. If you have to die, this is the place to be buried!

In the cemetery in Germany where my relatives are buried nothing for the grave itself is done by the staff. (not sure if this is just that cemetery or all of Germany but I get the feeling that is normal in Germany). SO if you don't want your relative's grave to get overgrown you have to visit regularly or have it covered in something that doesn't need caretaking. If it does get overgrown they put a note on it telling you to take care of it and I assume that if you don't then you lose the grave. Graves in Germany are not permanent - you buy them for a certain amount of time and once that time is up then you either renew or if no one renews then it is sold to someone else. I have no idea what they do with the body - I think by that point the body is supposed to be decomposed but I am guessing there is a process if it isn't.

 

DottyG

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Re: Merry Christmas and A Happy Eternity
« Reply #59 on: January 06, 2013, 06:47:43 PM »
That's really interesting (I'm saying that seriously). I wonder what they do do with the existing body. I guess it doesn't matter to the people now cohabitating, but it does seem a bit odd on this side, doesn't it?!