When parents say no

[amylouky]

I have several people that I trust to babysit our boys. Not all of them would I trust to take the boys out somewhere, and even fewer (like, maybe ONE) would I trust to take on a trip that sounds like it's several hours drive.
It's not a matter of not trusting them personally, but of trusting that they could handle both of the boys.. taking a few hours car trip is a LOT different and harder to handle than hanging out at home for a few hours. And my boys are 3 and 5.. if they were both under 3? No way. They're not going on trips without me.
I would probably make up an excuse also as to why they couldn't go, as I wouldn't want to hurt the person's feelings.
Flora needs to accept this, or she's going to lose her babysitting rights, I think.

[White Lotus]

"Forget" to leave the car seats, then.  Problem solved.

[Queen of Clubs]

"Forget" to leave the car seats, then.  Problem solved.

I'm not the one with the car seats, White Lotus, and telling Son/DIL what Flora said would lead to absolute uproar.  As I said, I'm hoping Flora's thought better of it now.

[JoW]

That trip sounds like torture for the kids.   Visiting an elderly person they’ve only met a couple of times.   The house is not child-proof, let-alone kid-friendly, so the only thing the kids can do is sit still and whine.    Its a couple hours drive from Flora’s house, so that’s another 4 hours sitting still in car seats.  Those poor kids will be bored and miserable for 6 hours, maybe more.   They’ll be fussing and whining and driving Flora crazy for most of the trip.  Maybe if you present it to Flora that way she’ll reconsider. 

Are either of the kids old enough to talk?  If so, if they go the parents will find out about the trip.  And that will be the end of Flora’s weekends with the kids.   That’s something else Flora needs to consider. 

[Queen of Clubs]

Yep, the eldest talks.  I made a mistake with his age; he's 3, not 2.  If Flora had gone along with her plan, she intended to tell Son and DIL anyway.  How that was supposed to go well is beyond me.  Since she hasn't mentioned it since, I'm hoping she's decided to let it go.  She has mentioned her plans to go visit her dad, but it's on a weekend when she won't have her grandchildren.

[Lynn2000]

OP, sounds like Flora has thought better of this idea (hopefully) since she didn't mention it again. I think you were being a good friend to point this out to her--it sounds like you did it in an appropriate manner for a friend, and weren't sticking your nose in or anything like that. I suspect one reason she said the idea out loud--because really, she didn't need to--was to see what you thought about it. I'm sure she was hoping you would agree with her, but--that's the chance you take.

One of my friends told me a story about her in-laws. Grandpa usually spent the weekends in Big City with his girlfriend, but his pre-teen granddaughter wanted to visit him for the weekend, just him at his home in the suburbs, and that's what her mom preferred, too. So Grandpa says yeah, that's what we'll do... and as soon as he had custody of his granddaughter, he promptly took her to Big City to spend the weekend with his girlfriend. I think he called from Big City to let the girl's mom know. Fortunately the granddaughter had a great time, but I was pretty horrified and felt that would be a deal-breaker for me--last time my dad ever got to see his granddaughter unsupervised until she turned 18, in my opinion.

[Elfmama]

Maybe they think visiting a strange, extremely elderly relative will be upsetting for their kids?

That would be my guess.  MIL insisted that we take our girls, then 5 and 2, to visit her mother in the nursing home.  She wanted to make it a weekly visit.  We went ONCE.  GMIL had moderate-to-severe dementia, and babbled nonsense the whole time -- talking to her long-dead husband.

Elfqueen had almost constant nightmares that first night, and at least one a night for weeks after that.  She told me long afterward that she thought GMIL was a witch, and she did look like the popular image.  Long hooked nose, hunched back, etc.  In the dreams she would do fairy-tale witchly things like putting the girls in a cage to fatten up.

MIL was extremely put out that we gave her a hard-and-fast NO to any further visits.  If we had found out that she took our daughters to see her mother against our express wishes, she would have lost all unsupervised access to the girls permanently.

[wolfie]

Flora sounds like a real piece of work, OP.

It gave me a chill to think that Flora may be planning to take these babies on a trip with out their car seats.  Because of this dangerous possibility, I think that you should let her son and DIL know the plan, if it becomes imminent.  Safety trumps etiquette.

Also, if you know that she is actually on the road with the children without their safety seats I think that you should notify the police.  If she is that foolish she deserves a ticket and whatever else happens to her.

Nothing is as important as the safety and well being of these little ones.

Can we not go here? Calling the police because you suspect someone might be on the road with children without car seats is completely over the top! So is going to a couple - especially since the OP doesn't have a relationship with them.

[elephantschild]

Flora sounds like a real piece of work, OP.

It gave me a chill to think that Flora may be planning to take these babies on a trip with out their car seats.  Because of this dangerous possibility, I think that you should let her son and DIL know the plan, if it becomes imminent.  Safety trumps etiquette.

Also, if you know that she is actually on the road with the children without their safety seats I think that you should notify the police.  If she is that foolish she deserves a ticket and whatever else happens to her.

Nothing is as important as the safety and well being of these little ones.

Can we not go here? Calling the police because you suspect someone might be on the road with children without car seats is completely over the top! So is going to a couple - especially since the OP doesn't have a relationship with them.

I don't think the OP should go to the couple, but I disagree completely about the first example. Being on the road with children this age without carseats is highly dangerous, completely illegal and if the OP knew that it was taking place, I think she'd have a moral responsibility to report it.

That said, it doesn't sound like that's the case at all, so it's a moot point.