Author Topic: Torn on what to do...update page 5  (Read 11913 times)

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rose red

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #15 on: January 05, 2013, 04:52:40 PM »
I mentioned this to a few people, and some people think it's the greatest idea ever.  They've come up with suggestions for where it can be sold or donated, and told me that it's great I'm willing to take back my space.  Other people think I'm committing the Worst Crime Ever (I can almost hear the capitals) and say if I go through with this I will be coming off as a terrible person who doesn't care about another person's sentiment.  They agree I shouldn't need to keep the dress, but say if I get rid of it, it would be awful.  Suggestions from this group have included storing it in our attic, or in our garage.

"How sentimental can the dress be if she keeps it with someone who don't exist to her?  But if you feel that way, you're more than welcome to keep it in your attic or garage."  Then if nobody steps up, get rid of it after the deadline.

I'm also puzzled how they feel you don't need to keep it, but you should store it in your attic or garage.  Huh?  My English isn't that great, but doesn't that mean "keeping it?"

kudeebee

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #16 on: January 05, 2013, 04:54:57 PM »
Pack it in a box and put it in your car the next time you are going to see the ones who think you should keep it.  Mention that you are going to donate the dress to goodwill and if one of them says that you shouldn't, you should store it--go get the box and give it to them, saying something like "since you think I shouldn't donate it, here is the dress for you to take care of.  I don't have room for it anymore." Then beandip.

Leave before they do so that you don't get stuck with the box.  Then email exfriend and tell her the name of the person who has her dress now.

Or, if you know where she works or her dh works or where they live, take the box there and leave it for them.  Or drop it off at her mom/mil house if that would work.

Two years is plenty of time to keep the dress--way, way to long.  I am surprised you kept it that long.  I would have been delivering it to her after a month.  However, you did, and there is nothing wrong with giving the two week deadline and then donating it.  If she really wanted it, she would have gotten it.

Amava

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #17 on: January 05, 2013, 04:59:01 PM »
I'd put it in a box and ship it to her. Sure it might end up a little crinkled but if she wants she can fix that later.
Or do you not have her physical address?

kansha

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #18 on: January 05, 2013, 04:59:23 PM »
maybe the OP has had the dress longer than the marriage lasted?

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #19 on: January 05, 2013, 05:08:58 PM »
I'd put it in a box and ship it to her. Sure it might end up a little crinkled but if she wants she can fix that later.
Or do you not have her physical address?

I have her physical address as of the day she cut me off.  I sent a Christmas card to it, which wasn't returned, so I guess it's still a valid address for her.  The problem with shipping it is the expense.  I would need a really big box as the bodice is a corset type, so it can't be crinkled up, and then there are the petticoats, and the train, etc (I thought she was nuts for wearing such a heavy dress at an island wedding, but it was what she wanted).  At a guess, I'd say the dress weighs 10 pounds or more. 

CluelessBride

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #20 on: January 05, 2013, 05:13:52 PM »
Is shipping C.O.D. still a thing?  If so, I think this is the perfect type of situation for that.


bloo

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #21 on: January 05, 2013, 05:14:13 PM »
You haven't mentioned having mutual friends with her so I guess someone relaying this is not an option.

Can you not still 'PM' her on Facebook even though you've been defriended? I'd give that a last shot before disposing it.

Alpacas

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #22 on: January 05, 2013, 05:21:09 PM »
I'm probably the odd one here. But i'd sell it without remorse when the 2 weeks are up.
She can't be that sentimental about it if she doesn't pick it up after 2 years and then ignores the one person that stored her wedding dress at her home.

So i'd say. Wait until the deadlines over and then offer it to one of those friends that acted horrified and if they don't want it...sell it.

NutMeg

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #23 on: January 05, 2013, 05:28:07 PM »
The dress obviously isn't that important to her, so I wouldn't worry about it. Get rid of it when the deadline is up, sell it even. At least you'll get something out of storing it for so long.
"You're hostages! This is a life-and-death situation here. Start acting like it! We're your captors. We're armed. There's rules. There's a whole school of etiquette to this!" - Dr. Daniel Jackson                

Thipu1

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #24 on: January 05, 2013, 05:38:54 PM »
maybe the OP has had the dress longer than the marriage lasted?

This sounds like a distinct possibility. 

It doesn't sound like the dress has much sentimental value for the Bride.  It certainly doesn't for Lady Snowdon. 

Wait until January 16th.  If you hear nothing by then, pack the dress up and deliver it to a resale shop with no regrets. 

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but the treatment Lady Snowdon has received has been execrable. 

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #25 on: January 05, 2013, 05:39:42 PM »
OP, IMO you are completely in the clear to dispose of the dress however you see fit once the two weeks are up.  Sell it, donate it, burn it in effigy - whichever option gives you the most closure.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

CuriousParty

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #26 on: January 05, 2013, 05:41:35 PM »
We had a kind of similar situation, with a similar concern in terms of weight/cost. The items in our possession were also not sentimental to us, but were heirlooms if the owner's family, and I just couldn't feel right disposing of them.

Ultimately, FedEx-ing them, signature required, was less than I expected (under $50. Not chump change but less than I had thought).  I saw it as paying for my own peace of mind, not to mention the physical and mental space this was taking up. Worth every dime.

Sharnita

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #27 on: January 05, 2013, 05:45:30 PM »
I do think you are clear after your deadline but it also sounds like you'd like some additional peace of mind beyond that. I don't think you have obligations to her but if it makes you feel better about closing that book I might try some of those other optiobs - for yourself, not her

MOM21SON

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #28 on: January 05, 2013, 06:07:26 PM »
I do think you are clear after your deadline but it also sounds like you'd like some additional peace of mind beyond that. I don't think you have obligations to her but if it makes you feel better about closing that book I might try some of those other optiobs - for yourself, not her

This.

Amara

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #29 on: January 05, 2013, 06:15:33 PM »
You have given her two years to pick up her dress during which time she defriended you on Facebook. That's more than an indication that she wants nothing to do with you. Nevertheless, you remained polite and accommodating and emailed her on NYD and gave her a final two-week deadline. You have gone beyond what etiquette requires and are veering dangerously close to spinal collapse. The final shot in the spine, so to speak, would be going to the trouble of mailing it back to her.

Stick to your deadline. Dispose of it in whatever way suits you best regardless of whether that is the trash, the thrift store, Freecycle, CL, a local charity who helps poor brides out, or burning it.