Author Topic: Torn on what to do...update page 5  (Read 12156 times)

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Shoo

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #30 on: January 05, 2013, 06:18:54 PM »
maybe the OP has had the dress longer than the marriage lasted?

This is what I'm thinking.

Otterpop

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #31 on: January 05, 2013, 06:32:27 PM »
I say give it to one of the people who say you should keep it.  If the person is a mutual friend who can deliver it to former friend, bonus.

TootsNYC

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #32 on: January 05, 2013, 06:33:57 PM »
I personally would mail it to her in some trackable way. And add a note that says, "I wanted to be sure you got this."

Or find a mutual friend you can TRUST to deliver it to her.

LazyDaisy

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #33 on: January 05, 2013, 06:48:51 PM »
A little bit of background first.  A friend of mine got married about two years ago, in a destination wedding.  I was one of her bridesmaids, and when I left to come home, she asked me to bring her wedding dress back with her.  She said she'd come pick it up in a couple of weeks, when they were back from their honeymoon.  So I brought it home with me, and it has sat in my closet for almost two years now.  I asked her multiple times to come get it, or set up a time for me to bring it to her, or something.  She never has responded.  At the end of last September, this friend abruptly stopped talking to me, defriended me on Facebook, and acts as if I never existed, according to the people who still see her.  (clip thread)

I'm sorry I'm a bit confused, does the bolded mean you haven't communicated at all since the wedding or that you were in communication (for a time) about other things but she never responded about the dress? It doesn't sound like it is sentimental to her or she would be the one asking about it. I agree with others, pass it along to mutual friends who still have contact with her for them to store or return -- a wedding dress is bulky and I wouldn't bother shipping it to her directly for any price. If that isn't possible, feel free to get rid of it.
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wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #34 on: January 05, 2013, 06:55:46 PM »
It sounds to me as though she really doesn't care about or want this dress. If the deadline comes and goes, and she fails to respond, then bye-bye dress. You've done everything you can, and you shouldn't have to play for shipping. You could also send it COD.

pickles50

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #35 on: January 05, 2013, 07:04:06 PM »
Send her one final email outlining the time frame and the background of the situation. Give her a time frame and explicit directions on how to pick up the dress. Be sure to keep the email and then after the time frame sell, trash or give away the dress. Two years is ample time for someone to arrange to pick up an article of clothing, basically she has abandoned it. By keep the email that outlines you have had the dress since such and such date, the many times you have made attempts to return the dress, she will more than likely have no recourse (legal or moral) and you can sleep soundly at night knowing you made every honest effort to do the right thing.

Roses

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #36 on: January 05, 2013, 07:07:26 PM »
I would send her a letter via the mail and tell her if you don't hear from her within two weeks you are sending the dress to the address you sent the letter.  If she doesn't live far from you, I would consider just going to her house and leaving it on her doorstep, preceeded by a phone call and a follow-up phone call that you are dropping the dress by at x time/date and then, you have dropped it off. 


Lady Snowdon

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #37 on: January 05, 2013, 07:25:56 PM »
A little bit of background first.  A friend of mine got married about two years ago, in a destination wedding.  I was one of her bridesmaids, and when I left to come home, she asked me to bring her wedding dress back with her.  She said she'd come pick it up in a couple of weeks, when they were back from their honeymoon.  So I brought it home with me, and it has sat in my closet for almost two years now.  I asked her multiple times to come get it, or set up a time for me to bring it to her, or something.  She never has responded.  At the end of last September, this friend abruptly stopped talking to me, defriended me on Facebook, and acts as if I never existed, according to the people who still see her.  (clip thread)

I'm sorry I'm a bit confused, does the bolded mean you haven't communicated at all since the wedding or that you were in communication (for a time) about other things but she never responded about the dress? It doesn't sound like it is sentimental to her or she would be the one asking about it. I agree with others, pass it along to mutual friends who still have contact with her for them to store or return -- a wedding dress is bulky and I wouldn't bother shipping it to her directly for any price. If that isn't possible, feel free to get rid of it.

Sorry for the confusion!  We were contact with each other weekly, if not daily, for most of the past two years.  She never responded to any inquiry about picking up her dress - it was as if she never heard it.  For example, about three months after she got married, she was over at my house, and my mom said to her, "Oh, you should put your wedding dress in your car, so you don't forget it".  My former friend smiled and said something totally unrelated like, "I'm so glad we got here before the rain started!".  Just like the mention of her wedding dress had never happened. 

My former friend and I do not have any mutual friends, so I can't give the dress to anyone with the assurance that she'd get it. 

rose red

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #38 on: January 05, 2013, 07:27:33 PM »
I don't think the OP should spend her own money.  Maybe she can send a registered letter if it doesn't cost too much saying she's getting rid of the dress by "X" date unless she come get it or mail money for shipping.  I wouldn't leave it on the doorstep either because she can claim the OP never dropped it off.

mrkitty

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #39 on: January 05, 2013, 07:27:48 PM »
Lady Snowdon - your ex-friend has treated you abominably. I'm appalled by her behavior. I'm also a little  :o that she doesn't even seem to care about getting her dress back. I think after two years, you can safely consider the dress abandoned property. As it now belongs to you, I think you're free to do what you like with it. Like other PP's, for your peace of mind I would suggest setting up a free email address with yahoo or gmail or whatever so that you can send her an email if it's indeed true that she's blocked your email address. Then, give her one last firm deadline (10 days should be more than enough) for her to either come and get the dress or make arrangements for someone else to get it - or arrange delivery and pay for it. You have been more than kind and generous to her.

I also think she owes you storage fees, although I understand if you don't want the drama of pursuing that with her - it's just that she really does owe you for that, in case she ever wants to make an issue of anything...KWIM?  ;)
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Shoo

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #40 on: January 05, 2013, 07:30:21 PM »
Do you know her mother or father?  Any sister or brother?  Someone you could contact as one last ditch effort to return the dress?

Even if you don't "know" her parents, is there some way you could make contact with them and explain the situation?  Surely there's someone you can call....

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #41 on: January 05, 2013, 07:34:48 PM »
Do you know her mother or father?  Any sister or brother?  Someone you could contact as one last ditch effort to return the dress?

Even if you don't "know" her parents, is there some way you could make contact with them and explain the situation?  Surely there's someone you can call....

She's an only child, has no contact with her mother, and I have no idea what her father's name is...

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #42 on: January 05, 2013, 07:38:48 PM »
Lady Snowdon, your 'friend' knows where you live, knows you have her dress, knows you want to get it out of your house and has done nothing about it.  She is obviously not concerned about you so I don't think you need to go to any more effort whatsoever to get the dress back to her.

If you can stick to your two week deadline and get rid of the dress however you wish without it bothering you then that's what you should do.  The only possible way I could recommend trying to contact someone else to pick up the dress or spending your own money to mail it is if it will bother you not to do so.  You are under no obligation to do anything more than what you've done.
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kudeebee

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #43 on: January 05, 2013, 07:44:50 PM »
Wait, she was at your house and didn't take the dress?  Why didn't you get it and put it by the door so she was reminded to take it/you could give it to her?

With this new info--should have been in first post perhaps, as it changes things for me, at least--I would not hesitate in the least to donate it after the deadline has passed.  If she had really wanted it, she would have taken it then.

penelope2017

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Re: Torn on what to do...
« Reply #44 on: January 05, 2013, 07:50:15 PM »
Did you already say if there's a reason you haven't just dropped it on her porch or somewhere else at her house?