Author Topic: Should my daughter have "humored" him?  (Read 12658 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #30 on: January 06, 2013, 04:10:45 PM »
I think you all handled it well.

But I might suggest you encourage DD to "use her words" should Gary approach her again to tease her in this way, to say, evenly, "I don't like those kinds of jokes."

And if she wants to let him know that it's not HIM, she can say hello first, pleasantly, etc.

weeblewobble

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #31 on: January 06, 2013, 04:21:34 PM »
I think you all handled it well.

But I might suggest you encourage DD to "use her words" should Gary approach her again to tease her in this way, to say, evenly, "I don't like those kinds of jokes."

And if she wants to let him know that it's not HIM, she can say hello first, pleasantly, etc.

That's a really good idea, thank you.

Rusty

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #32 on: January 07, 2013, 02:27:31 AM »
How well do you know Gary.  I think his second attempt to tease your DD set off my "creepy monitor".  My son when he was 8 used to be slightly harassed, in a joking manner,  by an older man who helped out at a club he attended, a few years later same man was arrested and charged with molesting a younger boy at a picnic held by the group.   Not saying Gary has the same intentions, but you can never be too careful

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #33 on: January 07, 2013, 04:34:23 AM »
Seriously he sounds like my DH's Cousin Tom.

Thinks he's a comedian, when really he's just Odd.

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CatFanatic

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #34 on: January 07, 2013, 05:08:57 AM »
I don't see anything at all predatory in this situation. In fact, I actually suspect that the second attempt was the guy trying to show that the first attempt was just a joke. Since your daughter's reaction wasn't positive (I'm not saying it should have been) he may have  been fearful that it was misinterpreted as something else - and made the second attempt to show that he was just kidding around. It still is rude, but IMO a few posters are making quite an irrational jump here.

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #35 on: January 07, 2013, 05:12:21 AM »
I don't see anything at all predatory in this situation. In fact, I actually suspect that the second attempt was the guy trying to show that the first attempt was just a joke. Since your daughter's reaction wasn't positive (I'm not saying it should have been) he may have  been fearful that it was misinterpreted as something else - and made the second attempt to show that he was just kidding around. It still is rude, but IMO a few posters are making quite an irrational jump here.

^^ This

The Cuz mentioned above would keep   on  trying  to  get   that   laugh

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Margo

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #36 on: January 07, 2013, 07:50:24 AM »
I agree with PPs. I don't think anyone, child or adult, should have to fake amusement when a joke falls flat, particularly when the 'joke' involves invading someone's personal space.

I also think it would be fine for your DD to say "Please don't touch me" if Gary tries it again.

We have taught our son that if he doesn't want to be touched, he just has to say so nicely. He's not forced to hug relatives or be tickled if he's not in the mood. We back him up verbally, i.e. "He's not in the mood for a hug/to be tickled right now" and people learn to respect that pretty quickly.
This.
You and DD are both fine. If any apology is owed, it's from Gary to your daughter. And while I think her response about not finding it funny was absolutely fine, I think a "Don't touch me"  is also entirely fine and appropriate. I would encourage her to say 'don't touch me' not 'please don't touch me'.

Unless Gary does this again I would not, since the moment has passed, raise it with him, but if he does anything similar in future then I think an appropriate response to his comments about your DD not being in a good mood would be to respond by saying "Well, you were touching her without her consent, and making fun of her. Why would you expect her to think it was funny?" said in a mild, enquiring tone.

Eden

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #37 on: January 07, 2013, 10:09:40 AM »
OP, I just have to say that it sounds like your DD is well on her way to becoming a skilled and gracious social expert! Many adults wouldn't be able to handle annoying poking and prodding with such level-headed and non-inflammatory ease. Nicely done!

RebeccainGA

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #38 on: January 07, 2013, 10:33:12 AM »
I think everyone involved (except for the prankster) was spot on in their reaction. Yes, it's a bit awkward when a joke falls flat, but that's OK - it happens. I used to hate that sort of thing when I was a kid - my dad, to this day, does the "you've got something on  your shirt" nose grab. WITH ADULTS. He thinks it's hysterical. The only person who does, besides him? My three year old niece.

Extra kudos to your DD - that's a big amount of grown up behavior in a small package. I know lots of adults that aren't that grown up.

Girlie

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #39 on: January 07, 2013, 10:47:13 AM »
I hate when people I don't know well touch me. I always have.
So I'm with your daughter. While I don't think Gary had ill intentions, I think your daughter handled herself with grace and good manners. As for it making him uncomfortable that his joke fell flat - well, I think it will do him well to learn that not all children appreciate those sorts of jokes.

If he backs off and quits trying those sorts of jokes with your daughter, I'd say to let it go. If he persists despite her telling him that she doesn't find them funny, then you should step in. At this point, though, I don't see anything evil or creepy in his actions.

CL32

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #40 on: January 07, 2013, 11:29:48 AM »
No--she absolutely should NOT have humored him. I think her response was completely appropriate, and really rather restrained. I believe that children should be entitled to the same expectations of personal space and boundaries as adults. Gary sounds like an odd duck.

inniskillin

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #41 on: January 07, 2013, 11:50:02 AM »
But I also think they need to be taught how to judge situations and handle them on a sliding scale of confrontation.  There should be a few steps before you go for the "nuclear" option.

I don't often post, though I do read on a (near-)daily basis.  I just wanted to draw attention to this statement -- I don't know that there's anything I've seen here that I've agreed with as much as this.  It's not just relevant to the specific context of the situation in this thread.  It's what we should all be striving for in our interactions.  Sometimes, I think that that gets lost, and posters are too quick to suggest the nuclear option (which doesn't only mean the cut direct).  Spending more time exploring possible actions between "nothing" and "nuclear" would be helpful to everyone!

oceanus

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #42 on: January 07, 2013, 11:59:28 AM »
You, DH, and DD were fine.

Sheesh, I thought that "look down, got your nose" thing went out with hula hoops.  It's so lame.  ::)

Things have changed.  I'm not sayinig the guy did anything creepy, but if kids don't like being touched, they should know that it's okay.

No - she should not have humored him.  He should have let it go.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #43 on: January 07, 2013, 12:02:36 PM »
Glad to see your daughter was able to express her feelings on this type of teasing.  I was always accused of having no sense of humor when I didn't find this funny.

One Fish, Two Fish

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Re: Should my daughter have "humored" him?
« Reply #44 on: January 07, 2013, 12:11:13 PM »
Congrats to you DD!  She handled the situation perfectly.  Gary should count himself lucky that you and your DH aren't hysterical "you touched my baby!" sort of parents. 
Social interaction rule #1-Keep your hands to yourself.
I'll get there.  Eventually.