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Author Topic: No more gifts for nephews?  (Read 24788 times)

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No more gifts for nephews?
« on: January 06, 2013, 04:15:57 PM »
Sent nephews a card and giftcards for Christmas.  Had to text niece to see if they got it since I've yet to hear anything from nephews.  Not even a "thanks" text...nothing! 

I txted niece to see if they got their cards since I mailed all the card/gifts to the same addresss. (goodSIL's home)  Niece said that nephews picked up their cards and had already used them. 

This might be the last time I ever send them something.  And no, K'nnihave didn't send a thing to my boys but I wasn't expecting it.

I should just follow their lead and pretend they don't exist.  I'm free to do so since they've yet to text a simple "thanks", right? 

I'm really hurt and disappointed that Nephew1 only calls/texts when he needs something from us. And I'm really hurt that Nephew2 doesn't even acknowledge any of us, esp since we opened our home to him last year.  Ah well. 


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2013, 04:20:41 PM »
Yeah, I'd drop them from my shopping list. I'm really sorry. I was hoping the example their Mom set would have taught them what to avoid, not what to emulate.  :-\


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2013, 04:25:19 PM »
I would not send any future gifts.  I'm not a stickler for thank you'd from my family but I only send gifts to family members with whom I have a good relationship.  It does not sound like you have a relationship with them.


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2013, 04:28:38 PM »
Aren't these the nephews that de-friended you from Facebook recently after betraying your trust?

To be honest, I'm not sure why you even sent them Christmas presents. Stop trying. It's obvious this family wants nothing to do with you other than material goods or money you provide. They've made this loud and clear, repeatedly.


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2013, 04:28:57 PM »
I'm not a stickler about thank you notes.  A verbal 'thanks' is fine with me.  It's a plus to get a phone call or a special hug but really, a text to say "thanks" that too much to ask for? 

Nephew1 did call me in November.  He left me a msg asking me a question about Paypal.  Once I answered his question, he said "thanks" hung up and that was that.  No conversation or pleasantries.  I suppose he sees us as people who are here when he needs us but doesn't see us as people he should respect or acknowledge.  I think they both see us that way. 


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2013, 04:32:20 PM »
It seems that K'nnihave has trained them well, despite your efforts to give them good role models.  Yes, I would avoid this debacle next year and devote your resources and energy to people who reciprocate your care.


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2013, 04:34:39 PM »
I'd suggest dropping them altogether (no gifts, no cards) except what would eHell do for stories?

(Just kidding; drop them and don't give any of them another thought. You tried to model good behavior; it just didn't take.)


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #7 on: January 06, 2013, 04:34:58 PM »
I'm sorry it stinks not to be acknowledged.  I would not be giving any more gifts in the future.  Where are basic manners going these days?  I DRILL manners into my 4 year old and will continue to do so.  Thank you is so easy to say!


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2013, 04:51:44 PM »
In my family children were never really expected to do the thanking, usually the adults would thank the other adults for giving their kids gifts.  Once my nephews reached the age where they could get a job and in theory buy gifts for me too, I told them we could continue to exchange gifts if they liked.  They didn't want to.  Now that we're all older and they're in their late 20's, we've started exchanging Christmas gifts. So that's nice. There may be a period where you don't give them gifts, but maybe check in once they're older and have more distance from their mother.


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2013, 04:52:42 PM »
It is hurtful, to go to the effort of picking out and sending a gift, and then to not have it acknowledged at all. If it were someone with whom you had an otherwise good relationship, you could chalk it up to a quirk or forgetfulness, but since you don't seem to have much in the way of meaningful interactions with them otherwise... Yeah, I would just take them off my shopping list, and stop giving them more thought than they give you.  :-\ Maybe send them a "happy holidays" card if you do those, since that's less effort/money, if you don't want to drop them completely.

I used to spend a lot of time and money sending gifts to my nieces and nephew. At first they were good about thanking me, but that dried up after a while. I tried different strategies--getting them each a magazine subscription, for example, so I only had to think about it and get mad once a year, but they were getting something every month--but I was still irritated. Finally I realized two things: 1) maybe I was actually being the rude one, by forcing on them gifts that they gave no indication of wanting; and 2) I would be so much happier if I just stopped giving them anything. So I did. And I was. And there's been no fallout or comments to me about it at all.


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #10 on: January 06, 2013, 05:34:20 PM »
I know you greatly love your nephews and dropping them altogether would likely hurt you more than them so I'd stop buying them gifts, but I see nothing wrong with sending them greeting cards if you want to stay in touch (and hope they'll come around eventually).  If you think that wouldn't work, then stop sending them anything.


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #11 on: January 06, 2013, 07:16:32 PM »
Your gifts should have been acknowledged with a thank you. If for no other reason than to not leave you wondering if they got them or not. I too would be satisfied with a quick text to say thank you. If they can't even do that, then I make the assumption that the receiving of the gift is also an inconvenience and put a stop to the exchange from my end as well.


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #12 on: January 07, 2013, 01:58:12 AM »

I was hoping that since you hadn't posted about this family in  a while, that things were ok

I think you don't have to continue sending gifts. they don't *deserve* gifts, just by virtue of being "roe's nephews". the gifts didn't arrive from some anonymous gift fairy - they came from Auntie Roe. they are old enough to know some basic rules of etiquette.

I think you keep thinking that if you do this or that for them, then they will learn kindness, and they should be - but life doesn't always work this way.

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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #13 on: January 07, 2013, 08:16:40 AM »
You can:

1) Call them up, ask if they received the gift, and gently teach them if they want to get gifts from people, they need to acknowledge and thank people for them or people will say "why bother."

2) Stop sending them gifts at all.


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Re: No more gifts for nephews?
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2013, 08:55:16 AM »
It's a hard and very bitter pill to swallow when you realize that you weren't wanted for you, but merely for the things you could and did provide.  I suspect they still feel 'wronged' from the living arrangement thing and see this (in their own entitled minds) as their due; you always gave a lot before, and you haven't lately, so this is something that they're 'owed'.  So why should they bother to thank you for it?  Auntie Roe always gave us stuff before, but she hasn't given us ANYTHING lately!  It's about time she remembered us!

I have nephews like those.  Disfunctional mother (yes, my own sister) and somewhat of a deadbeat dad who was a nice enough guy, but basically had two topics of conversation: bragging about whatever (winning at the casino was a popular one), or whining that they don't have money for whatever.  It got tiring.  Heard from one nephew once in the past several years, when he wanted me to cosign on a lease for an apartment for him and his girlfriend.  I said that I couldn't do it, and was honest that it didn't make him look good when they didn't even know that their grandmother had died, and then he calls me, essentially for money, two months later.  Guess what?  I haven't heard from him since.  I will be happy to establish contact if they want it, but it won't involve money.

At some point, you have to write them off, even though that sounds harsh.  The relationship isn't there, at least on their side.  It's too bad that they couldn't see what a good thing you were for them, and not just because of the money you doled out.  But that's their lesson to learn.

And no, no more gifts.