The Christmas party 'jab' (VERY long)

[perpetua]

I'm not sure why everyone's having a dig at Sharon - Katie was extremely rude to just dive into the candy without so much as acknowledging Sharon. So I think Katie started it, Sharon was justified in pointing it out, and Katie was petty at the Christmas party because she didn't like being (rightly) corrected.

[CrochetFanatic]

I think that Sharon has more reason to be upset than Katie does.  Both were rude, yes, but I think that Sharon's "rudeness" was minimal.  I really don't think that saying, "Sure, and hello by the way" is all that bad.  Some people might even laugh and apologize in response, realizing how clueless they were being.  Katie could have taken the high road and been polite, but instead decided to call her out at an office Christmas party. 

I can understand the temptation to remind someone, "I exist, too", and I can understand how someone might be offended by such a reminder. 

[Hmmmmm]

I might - it would depend on how little I knew the person. I definitely wouldn't write it though, as tone of voice disappears there, but I might say it as in "Oh! And hello! Didn't see you there at first."

But I totally agree that if that wasn't the way Sharon said it then she was much, much, much more rude than Katie was for not saying Hello (which I don't actually necessarily see as rude at all).

I think it depends on who initiates the contact. Our office uses IM a lot
If the conversation goes:
Me: can you send me X?
Them: sure
Me: good morning btw
Them: morning
I don't feel chastise

But is it goes
Me: can you send me x
Them: yes, good morning btw
Me: morning
In this instance I do feel guilty for not having greater them first.

off topic
I started noticing my colleagues out of the US always start with a "hello" or "good morning" even if they were IMing with me a couple of hours ago so I've tried to adapt to always using a greeting first.

[Winterlight]

I think they both failed. Sharon sounded like she was scolding Katie. Katie was snide at the party. Both of them need to knock it off.

[RebeccainGA]

I've seen Sharon before - the nice, quiet person who has a small item to share (our "Sharon" had a huge bottle of nice hand sanitizer on her desk, where others could get to it). She truly meant it to be shared, but she was a little shy and it was also a reason for people to stop by and maybe say hi to her. Katie strikes me a little 'mean girl' type - young, self-important, oblivious. She was in the wrong. I'm not sure that Sharon was, really.

[oceanus]

One thing that struck me as I was listening to the story was that a few weeks passed between the candy bowl incident and the Christmas party incident.   I would think that at some time the two crossed paths (even briefly) – don’t know for sure; I didn’t ask.  If Katie was so ticked off/bothered by what Sharon said, she could have said something and tried to clear the air.  Seems to me that Sharon didn’t think that much of it, but Katie waited for the opportunity to jab and embarrass Sharon.  Then later at the office Katie did her little “That’s a nice outfit” thing – trying to smooth it out.  When that didn’t work Katie went to the Office Manager.  That also seems petty – complaining because someone didn’t respond to a compliment the way you wanted them to?    But (imo) if Katie never says hello that’ll be okay with Sharon.

[CluelessBride]

Do we know that Katie went to the Office Manager? With the overall coldness and the nastiness at the Christmas party I wouldn't be all that surprised if word got back to the Office Manager from a third party.

I think Sharon was rude, but Katie was worse. But now they are both on a professional suicide course. Giving someone the cold shoulder at work has a negative impact on the overall work environment, especially in a small office. I'm not saying that it is never appropriate, just that in this particular case it's overkill. While what Katie did was unprofessional and stupid, it's now time to move on.

[oceanus]

Do we know that Katie went to the Office Manager? With the overall coldness and the nastiness at the Christmas party I wouldn't be all that surprised if word got back to the Office Manager from a third party.

I think Sharon was rude, but Katie was worse. But now they are both on a professional suicide course. Giving someone the cold shoulder at work has a negative impact on the overall work environment, especially in a small office. I'm not saying that it is never appropriate, just that in this particular case it's overkill. While what Katie did was unprofessional and stupid, it's now time to move on.

Good point.  No, I assumed Katie went to the OM (as did Sharon when relaying the story).  But – you’re right.  Someone else could have mentioned it to OM, or Katie could have been talking about it to others and it floated. (Remember, I mentioned someone who works closely with Katie has had problems with Sharon.)  Or, maybe Katie went back to her table at the party and snicked about what she has just done. OM, out of curiosity, could have simply decided to see if she could pry something out of Sharon.  But it didn’t work.

[Girlie]

I'm confused. Did Sharon mean to correct Katie when she said "Hello, by the way" (the same way that parents might say "You're welcome" in order to spur a child to say "Thank you"), or did she mean it literally?

Because I do the latter all the time. My best friend and I will jump straight into conversation on MSN, and after 4-5 exchanges I'll realize I haven't actually greeted her, and type out "And good morning, by the way". I certainly don't do that to chastise her, but simply because I - by the way - want to wish her a good morning.

I read the OP with that 'read' on things, which made it sound like Katie was waaaaaaaaaaaaay overreacting. If Sharon was indeed chastising her, then I think they were both rude.

This.
That would be normal for me, too. Not in a "you should be greeting me before asking for stuff," sort of way, but in a "of course! And, oh, yeah! Hi!" sort of way, where truly, no offense is meant at all.
Which is why tone is so important in interpersonal communication.

However, no matter which way Sharon meant it, I do think Katie's behavior was far worse, because she seems like she was trying to start something, whereas Sharon's may have been impulsive or innocent.

[DavidH]

I think Sharon's comment was a bit snarky, but it is kind of rude to walk up to someones desk, ask for candy, and not even bother with a hello or some pleasantry.  Since it bothered Sharon enough to comment, I think Katie should have said, I'm sorry, How are you, or something like that and that then should have been the end of it.


At the party, Katie was rude.  Assuming she wanted to make up for the previous incident (which is the nicest spin I can put on it), the right thing to do would have been to have come by, said hello, commented on the party, maybe how nice Sharon looked, did she have plans for the holiday, or something like that and then made an excuse to leave. Something like, I need to get back to my table, but wanted to come by and say hello. 

[oceanus]

Aaahhhh, I forgot to mention something in my initial post.  Sharon said that Katie has a habit of walking by her (Sharon’s desk) and grabbing a pen, post-it, candy, etc – whatever she wants or needs at that moment - and rarely even acknowledges Sharon.   She figured the only reason Katie even asked if she could have candy was because an outsider was with her.

So, the “Hello, btw” was meant as a reminder that’s it’s appropriate to be civil prior to grabbing something off a co-worker’s desk.  (I didn’t get the feeling that Sharon is territorial about her candy or that she uses it as a way to get people to talk to her.  Not at all.)

[Corvid]

Perhaps Sharon was a smidge passive-aggressive but Katie was a total donkey's behind at the party.  She specifically went out of her way to be snide to Sharon and comes off as immature and unprofessional.  A work party is still the workplace and Katie would do well to remember it.  From what's been posted, she seems to think she's still in high school.  This sort of behavior can seriously come back to bite her on the butt in the long run.

I think it's possible that the office manager heard about Katie's behavior at the party from someone else who was there rather than from Katie (or maybe I'm giving Katie too much credit).  I would hope so, because if she complained about "Hello, by the way" to HR, she looks worse than Sharon.

[rashea]

Aaahhhh, I forgot to mention something in my initial post.  Sharon said that Katie has a habit of walking by her (Sharon’s desk) and grabbing a pen, post-it, candy, etc – whatever she wants or needs at that moment - and rarely even acknowledges Sharon.   She figured the only reason Katie even asked if she could have candy was because an outsider was with her.

So, the “Hello, btw” was meant as a reminder that’s it’s appropriate to be civil prior to grabbing something off a co-worker’s desk.  (I didn’t get the feeling that Sharon is territorial about her candy or that she uses it as a way to get people to talk to her.  Not at all.)

So, it was done to scold/teach her, and it was done in front of an outsider. Yeah, Sharon screwed up. If it bothered her that Katie didn't talk to her, she needed to address that privately. And then Katie was a snot right back. Now they need to drop it, and it doesn't sound like Sharon has. She needs to own that she was rude, and then move on. She doesn't need to be best friends, but she should be polite. I think Katie realized she went too far at the party and tried to improve things with the "nice outfit" comment.

[oceanus]

I think Katie realized she went too far at the party and tried to improve things with the "nice outfit" comment.

Could be.  (It also occurred to me that maybe Office Manager - or someone - got wind of what happened and unofficially spoke to Katie -not just Sharon.) You're right, they don't need to be buddies or go to lunch.  But a truce and politeness when interacting would be the route to go.  Others might also be tired of the tension.

[cheyne]

Smiling and saying "sure and hello by the way" is now considered rude?  If Sharon snarled at Katie and said, "You can't have any treats until you greet me properly" that I would consider rude. 

For Katie to wait two weeks to counterattack Sharon at the company Xmas party is rude and shows forethought on Katie's part.  I think Sharon handled it well by shrugging and not contributing to the gossip mill.

By the "cold shoulder" do you mean that Sharon isn't talking to Katie outside of professional parameters?  If that's so, that's not the "cold shoulder" and is advice I have read on this forum many times.