General Etiquette > Life...in general

Is there any way for me to ask for the sofa back?

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Raintree:

--- Quote from: NyaChan on January 09, 2013, 01:26:39 AM ---For my part, I'd consider approaching her to ask to buy it.  I know it is a little off since the sofa was given to her outright, but this isn't really a social relationship, it is a limited-time business one so I think if you approach it in a business-like fashion, you could pull it off.   "Do you still have the sofa that I gave you when I moved in?  If you ever decide to sell it, I actually still have the other half of the sectional and would be happy to buy it."  Maybe even put in a line about how it is hard to match furniture you already have to new pieces in stores?

--- End quote ---

I agree. Sure, I also agree that it's technically rude to ask for it back. But situations are not always so black and white. Maybe she is tired of that sofa anyway and wondering what to do with it herself. Maybe she wants to replace it. (Or maybe she already got rid of it). Sometimes situations are win-win even if they aren't technically following etiquette rules. It can't hurt to ask, especially if it's phrased in such a way as not to be a demand. If the OP offers to buy it back, rather than asking to have it back, it comes off as less entitled. For all she knows the response could be, "Oh no, please take it!! I've regretted bringing it in here as it takes up too much space and doesn't match the curtains."

sourwolf:

--- Quote from: NyaChan on January 09, 2013, 01:26:39 AM ---sourwolf, I don't think it is unreasonable of posters to want to discuss the issue even if you've already come to your own decision of how to proceed. 


--- End quote ---

I hope that's not how I was coming across!  My only frustration is with the posters who keep on suggesting that I need to buy a new soda when I have already said several times that that is not an option.  It feels slightly like an adult telling a child what they "should" be doing (maybe eating peas) regardless of the child saying that it's not going to be possible (who knows maybe they are allergic to peas.)
The suggestions/discussion is great, it's the repeated suggesting of something I said wont work that's a little off putting.

dawbs:

--- Quote from: sourwolf on January 09, 2013, 07:22:37 AM ---
--- Quote from: NyaChan on January 09, 2013, 01:26:39 AM ---sourwolf, I don't think it is unreasonable of posters to want to discuss the issue even if you've already come to your own decision of how to proceed. 


--- End quote ---

I hope that's not how I was coming across!  My only frustration is with the posters who keep on suggesting that I need to buy a new soda when I have already said several times that that is not an option.  It feels slightly like an adult telling a child what they "should" be doing (maybe eating peas) regardless of the child saying that it's not going to be possible (who knows maybe they are allergic to peas.)
The suggestions/discussion is great, it's the repeated suggesting of something I said wont work that's a little off putting.

--- End quote ---

I think some of that is because you volunteered to buy *her* a sofa.
If you're willing to buy her a sofa, how is that significantly different than buying yourself one?  If it would work for you to buy her a replacement sofa, it's puzzling that you just getting yourself the replacement won't work.

Shoo:

--- Quote from: TootsNYC on January 09, 2013, 12:37:28 AM ---
--- Quote from: sourwolf on January 08, 2013, 10:44:18 PM ---
Toots thanks for your suggestion but unless the tide massively turns, it seems like the consensus is that it's rude for me to mention, in any way, something that hints that I'd like the sofa back.

--- End quote ---

I'm the absolute first to mention buying it from her. So don't discount that possibility just because everybody else got all wrapped up in the whole "asking for it back" concept.

--- End quote ---

I agree with Toots.  What harm is there in asking if you can buy it from her?  If she's so in love with her piece of the sectional that she won't consider selling it to you so you can have the complete set, then fine.  Move on and never mention it again.  But she's your friend, so just go ahead and ask her if it's even remotely possible! 

Sometimes the "rules" don't need to be so strictly enforced between close friends. 

SciFiLeslie:
Honestly if she is a friend, I don't see the harm in asking or offering to buy it back.

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