Loooong time ago friends . . .

[Snooks]

I suppose my issue is I care who they were back then.  Back then they were mean, nasty people who make me wish that five years of my life didn't exist.

I totally get where you're coming from. my last three years of elementary school, grades 4-6 were pure h*ll. I was picked on and teased on a daily basis. And let me tell you, girls that age are MEAN and NASTY.  Most kids had been together since kindergarten, and as I was the "new kid", and shy, and had no self-confidence, and wore thick, bifocal glasses, and had braces, I was an easy target.  I really had no friends, and can't even recall once during that time being invited to any birthday, or other type of party.

I was talking with my mom and cousin over the holidays, and she asked me about some of the girls back then, as we were discussing reconnecting, etc. I said you know what, it was a tough time, but we all mature, and I've become friendly (online and in RL) with a couple of them, and I have been able to let bygones be bygones.  But I can also understand how others might not be able to.

I've had a pretty rocky time with friends all through school and it's just too painful to remember how they made me feel while also knowing that they literally have no idea what they did to me.

[Lynn2000]

I do think it can be interesting, though not always pleasant, to learn what people thought of you way back when. A friend of mine from HS randomly ran into another classmate of ours about 10 years after graduation and they were chatting about people they knew. He recalled trying to get to know me in high school, and that I always responded coldly. That was surprising to me. I had no specific memory of ever even speaking to him in high school; and if he had spoken to me, I probably would've assumed it was a build-up to asking for "help" on homework (i.e., doing it for him), because I remembered him being part of a group of popular jocks who occasionally tried that with me (with no success). I knew who he was, but really barely had any specific memories of him at all (good or bad). I've thought about that a lot, actually.

Another HS classmate, his mom is now friends with my mom (they weren't when we were in HS), and I occasionally hear from my mom how her son supposedly thought of me. Of course this is filtered through his mom, and then my mom, so I know it's not going to be anything bad or risque; but apparently I always "flummoxed" him in HS, and he just couldn't figure me out or get the upper hand.  Huh, I didn't realize he was ever trying to do any of those things. Again, I barely remember ever talking to him, though he was in all the same classes with me (honors track) so I knew who he was and knew "how" he was with others. My impression was that he was one of those smart kids, who's too smart for his own good, and ends up goofing off or sassing back to the teacher rather than doing the boring thing of getting his homework done.

When my 10-year HS reunion came around, actually I didn't find out about it until afterwards, but I wasn't disappointed because I wasn't planning to go anyway. I really had no interest in socializing with the vast majority of people; I didn't have overwhelmingly negative memories, but I didn't have overwhelmingly positive memories either. It was a small school in a small town and we all just didn't have much in common, and I'm not really a social person anyway. That did prompt me to start looking them all up on Facebook, though.

[siamesecat2965]

I suppose my issue is I care who they were back then.  Back then they were mean, nasty people who make me wish that five years of my life didn't exist.

I totally get where you're coming from. my last three years of elementary school, grades 4-6 were pure h*ll. I was picked on and teased on a daily basis. And let me tell you, girls that age are MEAN and NASTY.  Most kids had been together since kindergarten, and as I was the "new kid", and shy, and had no self-confidence, and wore thick, bifocal glasses, and had braces, I was an easy target.  I really had no friends, and can't even recall once during that time being invited to any birthday, or other type of party.

I was talking with my mom and cousin over the holidays, and she asked me about some of the girls back then, as we were discussing reconnecting, etc. I said you know what, it was a tough time, but we all mature, and I've become friendly (online and in RL) with a couple of them, and I have been able to let bygones be bygones.  But I can also understand how others might not be able to.

I've had a pretty rocky time with friends all through school and it's just too painful to remember how they made me feel while also knowing that they literally have no idea what they did to me.

Then I don't blame you. Fortunately, things got better for me in jr. and sr. high. I had friends, and managed to be somewhat social. But I'm sure there were still kids who experienced it until we graduated. I'm sorry you had to go through all that.

[siamesecat2965]

I do think it can be interesting, though not always pleasant, to learn what people thought of you way back when.   

I found it interesting as well, and in some cases, people I thought had it all, really didn't. In catching up, a lot of people had issues with parent,s family, and so on, which no one ever knew about.

And one friend, again, who I was just friendly with IN school, who is another race, told me she was jealous of MY looks, since I'm blonde, blue-eyed, and to her, the perfect example of what she always wanted to be. Her family came from her home country when she was small, and she said she never felt like she fit in. Which is not waht I remember at all!  Never mind she's smart, attractive, funny, etc., and as I never thought much of myself, I was flattered.

[LadyJaneinMD]

When I was growing up, I knew this boy who lived about 5 miles from my house. We were friends in kindergarten, and all through school, probably bonded by our mutual bullies.  In the 'pecking order' of school, he was the lowest, and I was just above him.   After graduation, we dated for awhile, but then I moved out of the area and we lost touch. 

20 years later, my dad calls and says he's been contacted by this guy.  So I get his phone number from my dad, and call him.  We spend a full hour on the phone, long distance (on my dime!) catching up, and at the end, he tells me that he wants to 'send me something'.   It was a video about an MLM scheme.

Yes, he looked me up specifically to try and talk me into joining his MLM.   

[Redneck Gravy]

I still live in my hometown and I have been listed in the phone book my entire adult life (no address published) so I am easy to find by phone.  I am also pretty social so I get to almost every restaurant in town eventually and play a couple of sports and attend a number of other sporting events - I'm out and about if you know what I mean.  (But I'm not the center of attention at any of these things, I am just there)       

One reconnect was my best friend from 3rd grade to 8th grade - we moved and drifted apart.  I ran into her a few years a go when she saw me working in the yard at my parents house and stopped.  She spent the entire visit telling me how great things are for her & her husband, one upping me at every chance, so I shut up and let her have the conversation.  It ended with her saying I'll give you a call and dashing for the car, I never heard from her again.  I'm good with that.

Another was the sister of a really good friend of mine that had recently died.  She and I ran into each other at a restaurant, sat together and caught up.  We are now friends on facebook and email each other life updates and exchange Christmas cards and family pictures.  We have lunch a couple of times a year, I don't see her very often but still it has been great knowing her again. 

One more is a woman I had one class with for one semester in high school and then years later worked at the same place with her for several years.  She contacted me a few years ago and has come by my office a few times for a quick chat.  She is rather rough looking, loud and swears profusely.  She is also g*y and I am not so if anyone is around they give me a strange look (which I don't mind and resent the judgement there  ) she is a good person, she has struggled a lot with different partners and taking care of her aging parents.  I enjoy our visits and don't want to give those up - but a little of her goes a long way, if you know what I mean.

I have two very close, best friends from high school, one that I see weekly and another that we both see at least monthly (she lives in another town).  All three of us have other friends but for us it will always be the three musketeers.  I don't think that I miss other friends and as long as these two are still around I am happy with that.

As far as knowing what other people thought about me then - I don't think about it, I guess I don't really care.             

[snowflake]

I had some old High School friends (twin brother and sister) contact me on FB out of the blue.  I *thought* we had drifted a way because they both moved to different cities on a different coast for school and stayed there.  I thought it would be great to catch up.

Oy.  I had to hide them both during the election season.  Lets say that they are Purple and I am Yellow.  The daily rants about the Yellow candidate were slightly annoying but that's OK - not everyone in the USA has to agree with me, right?  But then it got into how all the Yellows in the country were the root of their problems:  They were to blame for their lack of jobs, for a recent divorce, their kids' bad grades in school, their burst water pipe, EVERYTHING!  The whole attitude would have been insanely annoying even if they had agreed on every issue with me.

They are both normally pleasant people, and I will always have a special place in my heart for their mother (long story there) but wow!  I guess there probably was a reason why we didn't keep in touch.

[oceanus]

I went home when my mom was very ill and called a girl I used to work with 20 years prior.  We talked a while, and since I was leaving later that day she invited me to come see her the next time I was in town.  I never did, not sure why.

Strangely enough, I occasionally think about a friend I had in elementary school; something will remind me of her or the school. She was very pretty, very nice to me at a time when things were rough for my family (my parents divorced).  I remember being in awe of her because she seemed to have a perfect TV show type life, she took dancing lessons, was liked by everyone, and I recall it was always a thrill to sit with her at lunch.  I found out her married name and looked her up on FB once and saw a picture (she aged very nicely), but I never contacted her.  I guess I thought either she wouldn’t remember me, or that she would think it was weird if I contacted her.

I was once called my a high school acquaintance over 20 yrs after graduating; she was selling something and apparently decided to dig into names of people she went to high school with.

More commonly, I’ve occasionally run into people I went to school with.  It’s nice to still be recognized and remembered, but we usually just talk a few minutes and move on.

[Cami]

This is pretty much what Facebook is for 

Agreed. I reluctantly joined FB last year and was surprised by the immediate response from so many of my high school friends with whom I'd lost touch. I generally don't engage with them other than to "like" their status or make brief comments. It's nice to "see" them, though!

However, if my old high school boyfriend wanted to contact me in any way, that would not be happening.  Nor would I be in contact with a friend of mine who tricked me into meeting that ex boyfriend because SHE was sure he was the love of my life and that his warning that he was going to hit me "to keep me in line now that we're out of high school" was "just joking". I dropped her like a hot potato and have kept her dropped, especially when she later became a cocaine addict.

[lowspark]

I have actually reconnected with two old high school friends and one old college friend. All three were friends with whom I'd drifted apart because the thing we had in common, school, ended. All three times the results were almost identical!

We got together, we were both happy to see each other and reconnect. We chatted about what we'd been doing since the old days, where we were now, work, kids, etc. And then... well, then, we really had nothing else to talk about. There was really no common ground. The common ground that had existed years ago was gone and we might as well have been two complete strangers who decided to tell each other about our lives, past & present.

I had a really really good friend in college with whom I lost touch after I had kids. I'd really like to see her again but she lives in a different city. I looked her up and found an address for her and wrote her a letter, but I never mailed it. I knew that, especially living in different cities, the chances that we'd actually reconnect on a permanent basis are slim. Sad, I know, but there it is.

I'm not on facebook and I've had several people reason that reconnecting with long lost friends is a great reason to get on facebook. My answer is always the same. Been there, done that.

Now, I'm not saying that I wouldn't give another old friend a chance, if providence were such that I ran into someone like that again. I don't really have any hard feelings toward any of those people so why not! But after my previous experiences, I'm doubtful anything would come of it. And at this point, I probably wouldn't go very far out of my way to make it happen.

Anyway, YMMV but that was my experience.

[siamesecat2965]

I have actually reconnected with two old high school friends and one old college friend. All three were friends with whom I'd drifted apart because the thing we had in common, school, ended. All three times the results were almost identical!

We got together, we were both happy to see each other and reconnect. We chatted about what we'd been doing since the old days, where we were now, work, kids, etc. And then... well, then, we really had nothing else to talk about. There was really no common ground. The common ground that had existed years ago was gone and we might as well have been two complete strangers who decided to tell each other about our lives, past & present.

 Anyway, YMMV but that was my experience.

As was mine with the first story I posted above. While we do get together several times a year, its for lunch, a couple of hours, to catch up, and so on. Since we lost touch for so long, i don't know anything about her life during that time, and she doesnt' know anything about mine. While we have a nice time, I don't know that either one of us feels it necesary to get together any more frequently, etc.

[Bijou]

One of my beat friends from high school and beyond that time contacted me out of the blue after more than about 35 years.  I was glad to hear from her.  She was cleaning out some papers and found my phone number so decided to give me a call. We had a great chat and the years just fell away as though no time had passed.  We enjoyed exchanging information about our families and all.  It was great.  I would rekindle that friendship in a heartbeat.  In fact I may give her a call just to see how she's doing.