dear abby letter

[Ko-Ko]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

Now, I ready to admit that I might be biased, but I don't really agree with Abby's answer to the first letter. She basically implied that it was the girl's fault that people discriminated against her because she is a teen. It seems to me that if she was really the type of person who dresses and looks threatening and thing like that, she wouldn't be the type to write to Abby.

Not to mention, I've seen what she is describing firsthand. I've definitely been followed around in stores more than a few times. I've also seen waiters roll their eyes when they have to wait on my friends and I at restaurants. In the last thread I started, a man was mocking my friend who was on her cell phone, and saying that she thought she was so cool just because she had a phone. Abby seemed to brush aside the fact that this kind of discrimination does happen, and that it is just as bad as discriminating against someone for their religion, race, or other characteristic.

Besides, no matter what happens, nobody will ever convince me that teens are the worst behaved age group. It is the preteens you have to watch out for. At least by age 15, most teens realize that they are not as cool as they used to think they were.  Thanks for reading.

Ko-Ko

[Alida]

Once again, Dear Abby should be titled Dear Airhead.

[jaxsue]

I'm 45, and I remember being treated with suspicion as a teenager. The thing is, I was real clean-cut and respectful. I was still watched when I went into a store. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and to not generalize - sometimes I succeed!

A perfect example of how looks can be deceiving is an experience I had awhile ago. In one situation, a middle-aged man who was dressed real nice let a door shut in my face, and in the other a teenage boy who was very "goth" (and whose appearance would have scared some people) politely held a door for me.

[Ko-Ko]

I'm 45, and I remember being treated with suspicion as a teenager. The thing is, I was real clean-cut and respectful. I was still watched when I went into a store. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and to not generalize - sometimes I succeed!

A perfect example of how looks can be deceiving is an experience I had awhile ago. In one situation, a middle-aged man who was dressed real nice let a door shut in my face, and in the other a teenage boy who was very "goth" (and whose appearance would have scared some people) politely held a door for me.

Exactly! I imagine many people have had experiences like yours. But some people forget what it was like and then begin doing the same thing themselves. But sometimes I wonder, are those people so distrustful because they were the ones stuffing store merchandise in their pockets as teenagers? Hmmm...

Ko-Ko

[FoxPaws]

When I read that letter my first thought was, "Gee thanks, Abby, for telling people that it's perfectly okay to discriminate against people based on the way they look or dress."

It's gotten to the point where I read her column just to see how she's going to screw up.

[Ko-Ko]

I basically stopped taking her seriously after she wrote a response to a girl who was a senior in high school. She was graduating soon, and only had a few tickets for the graduation. She was raised by her father, and her mother was never really in her life. The mother was often invited to other events like birthday parties, but would rarely show even after RSVPing. WHen did show, she was often drunk or high. The girl wanted to give the tickets to people who actually had been there for her, but her mother demanded one. Abby said that even if the only positive thing the mother had ever done was giving birth to her, for that reason the mother should attend the graduation. Even a couple of years later, I still remember that letter because it was such horrible advice.

Ko-Ko

[ZipTheWonder]

A perfect example of how looks can be deceiving is an experience I had awhile ago. In one situation, a middle-aged man who was dressed real nice let a door shut in my face, and in the other a teenage boy who was very "goth" (and whose appearance would have scared some people) politely held a door for me.

I had exactly this experience the last time I was at the mall.  The father was letting the door shut, but his grungy-dressed teenager grabbed it and held it open for me.  A lot of the teens I know actually have quite good manners.

A waiter who rolls his eyes at a table full of teens?  Talk about somebody about to have a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[ZipTheWonder]

Ko-ko, we discussed that letter on the old EH board, and most people were in agreement that 'Abby' was unhinged.

[Lisbeth]

It's gotten to the point where I read her column just to see how she's going to screw up.

I've been doing the same thing for quite a while now, also with Dear Prudence.

[Hawkwatcher]

My parents have had the same thing to them and they are not teenagers.  On the weekends, they would visit gardening stores wearing gardening clothes and store employees would follow them around.  Apparently, "Abby" would tell my parents change into their nicest outfits to go shopping at these stores because you would not want scare anyone by looking like a gardener.

As a result of my parents's experiences, I have come up with a potential strategy for dealing with people who follow me around in a store.  If I felt uncomfortable about being followed, I would politely complain to the manager and leave the store.  If the store relies heavily on a certain group of customers such as teenagers and enough customers complain, the store might change its policy. 

[Athos_000]

If I felt uncomfortable about being followed, I would politely complain to the manager and leave the store.  If the store relies heavily on a certain group of customers such as teenagers and enough customers complain, the store might change its policy.

A bit OT but this reminds me of a lady I worked with when I was in retail. She would go to the security office and study the photos of known shoplifters, then would pretty much stalk anyone in our store who she thought looked like them. It was horrible, we were a pretty low volume store as it was, and she was running off customers. The managers talked to her several times, and eventually we would distract her when customers came into the store so she'd leave them alone. Firing her wasn't an option because we were generally 2-3 staff people short at all times.

I hated being followed as a teenager because like others have said, I was probably the least likely person in the store to do anything wrong. Abby has a problem putting her personal issues aside to objectively answer questions IMO, same for the new Prudence.

[Lauren]

See when I was a teen and followed by staff my friends and I would start talking LOUDLY about how we hated being followed by staff as it showed how ignorant they were. If we were feeling particully nasty it would be how we were distracting staff while our older siblings were really doing the shoplifting for us. Not nice, but neither was standing two steps behind us the entire time.

[blue_bunny_paz]

I must admit, I do tend to look a bit odd. I don't have green spiky hair or lots of piercings but I'm not one for pretty dresses. At 24 I still get followed around in shops. The classic was a few years back I was looking at pick and mix sweeties. They're on a round counter in the shop, near the checkouts and I noticed a security guard was following me, in case I decided to steal 10p worth of sweets, presumably. I walked right round the counter, making sure I got all the best chocolates. Guard followed me. I walked round again, just to test. Again he follows. by this point the checkout staff are watching / giggling. I walked round the stand six times before he realised. Silly security guard.

I'm not sure if you have the same thing in the US, but in some department stores there is a high pitched buzzing that adults can't hear but it bugs the life out of kids / teenagers. I have very good hearing so I can still hear it and I have to say it's annoying. These shops don't seem to understand that teenagers can be customers too. After all, I know a seventeen year old who earns more than I ever will and likes being accosted with new perfumes.

and in my hometown there was The Bench. Despite being a very big town, bigger than a lot of cities, there is nothing for teenagers to do. As such, at the weekends a lot of alternative/Goth/grungy teenagers would meet at the bench. The council took away the bench, saying the teenagers looked scruffy. What they had failed to consider was that this was also the bench by the post office, where the elderly have a sit after they collect their pension. So the result was elderly people falling over, oh. And the teenagers who used to meet at the bench now hang out outside the council house.

[Hawkwatcher]

A bit OT but this reminds me of a lady I worked with when I was in retail. She would go to the security office and study the photos of known shoplifters, then would pretty much stalk anyone in our store who she thought looked like them. It was horrible, we were a pretty low volume store as it was, and she was running off customers. The managers talked to her several times, and eventually we would distract her when customers came into the store so she'd leave them alone. Firing her wasn't an option because we were generally 2-3 staff people short at all times.

I hated being followed as a teenager because like others have said, I was probably the least likely person in the store to do anything wrong. Abby has a problem putting her personal issues aside to objectively answer questions IMO, same for the new Prudence.

Wow! Entertaining this woman so she did not hassle your customers must have been a pain.  I wonder what she would have done if she actually missed a shoplifter because she was so busy stalking an innocent person.

[MerryRaven]

I don't care how people look as long as they respect the library. 

I have seen teens, gang-members, homeless, developmentally disabled, reality challanged, all races, sexual-orientations, and forms of body decoration. 

My means of judgement are: Do you respect the library and do you respect books.  And the majority of people do. 

I sometime have had to talk to teens and tell them to respect he library or to leave and I have also had to tell that to businessmen on their cell phones.