dear abby letter

[Gemini]

Apparently, "Abby" would tell my parents change into their nicest outfits to go shopping at these stores because you would not want scare anyone by looking like a gardener.

 

Whatever happened to judging people by their actions, not their looks? Seems to me that by telling a teenager her clothes/appearance are to blame, we would be telling her it's right to focus on the superficial. Worse, that she should wear clothes and fashions to please everyone else, not herself. It's better to look good than to feel good, daaaaahhlink. 

Is Dear Abby still written by an old windbag with a bad hairdo, or is "she" an anonymous consortium these days?

[FoxPaws]

Is Dear Abby still written by an old windbag with a bad hairdo, or is "she" an anonymous consortium these days?

The current Dear Abby is the daughter of the late original. From the blurb on her webpage:

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. It is the most popular and widely syndicated column in the world -- known for its uncommon common sense and youthful perspective.

So I guess the answer is that it's written by a new windbag with a bad hairdo.

[cnada]

We should ALL write to 'Dear Abby' and complain about her advice to the teen.

[Rose2Bear]

Wow, I can't believe Abby actually suggested that the girl should get a makeover simply becasue her appearance might make others uncomfortable...

I'm with everyone else in that Abby has really been missing the mark lately  

[blue_bunny_paz]

If you wear pink and bleach your hair people will like you.

[Lauren]

A bit OT but this reminds me of a lady I worked with when I was in retail. She would go to the security office and study the photos of known shoplifters, then would pretty much stalk anyone in our store who she thought looked like them. It was horrible, we were a pretty low volume store as it was, and she was running off customers. The managers talked to her several times, and eventually we would distract her when customers came into the store so she'd leave them alone. Firing her wasn't an option because we were generally 2-3 staff people short at all times.

At my old work, there was a program so that problem gamblers could bar themselves from the club. Whenever someone did this we'd have their pictures up in change bars and pubs (away from customers of course) so we could keep an eye out for them. We'd have to look for them, so whenever someone did it we'd have to look at people who looked simillar more closely.

[IndianInlaw]

That happened to me when I was a teenager.  I was honest and my friends were all squeaky clean.  Face it, we were dull.

Once we had gone horseback riding and were waiting by a highway for our ride home.  They had these kiosk looking things where people would tack up posters for speedway events, etc.  They were all over the country side.   After a while, these things would be covered with hundreds of staples, some of which still had bits of pasteboard stuck under them.

To cut to the chase, this particular one had no posters. My friend Debbie started absentmindedly picking at the bits of pasteboard.   A cop came by and started in on Debbie for ruining a poster.  We all protested that there was no poster, but he wasn't buying any of it.

Debbie grew up to be a pharmacist.

[sammycat]

As such, at the weekends a lot of alternative/Goth/grungy teenagers would meet at the bench. The council took away the bench, saying the teenagers looked scruffy. What they had failed to consider was that this was also the bench by the post office, where the elderly have a sit after they collect their pension.

A short while ago in my city there was a newspaper article about seating being removed from an outdoor mall where lots of people used to congregate.  Apparently their daily ritual of meeting up to chat before going to other activities was classed as "loitering".  The people congregating? - senior citizens. Seems like no age group is safe from discrimination.

[Alida]

Today we had a young man taking a free class at our dojang.  Oddly dyed hair (which my daughter thought was the coolest thing ever, but she has stripes, so.. ), torn jeans, dark shirt - the kinds of outfits Abby wouldn't approve of.  This young man?  One of the most polite, nicest kids I've spoken with, who showed all the proper respect due to anyone regardless of belt rank.

So - Abby?  Way off.

[emeraldsage85]

I don't care how people look as long as they respect the library. 

I have seen teens, gang-members, homeless, developmentally disabled, reality challanged, all races, sexual-orientations, and forms of body decoration. 

My means of judgement are: Do you respect the library and do you respect books.  And the majority of people do. 

I sometime have had to talk to teens and tell them to respect he library or to leave and I have also had to tell that to businessmen on their cell phones. 

I used to work in a library and I feel the same way that you do. What I never got was why some people stole books or movies from the library. They can get a card and check it out for free!

[hobish]

If you wear pink and bleach your hair people will like you.

Stuffing yer bra helps, too!


I agree with previous posters ... Dear Abby gives infuriating advice most of the time.

My hometown wasn't large, but they didn't like kids hanging around on the sidewalks outside a certain set of shops. The town coincil called a meeting and asked the kids 10 years older than me what to do about it. They pointed out that since there was a bus stop there, that's why a lot of people looked like they were "hanging around" (waiting for the bus) and a bench would not only confine the kids to a more defined space, but be nice for elderly bus patrons as well. So a bench was put in.
When I came of age some years later the town was in a major stink because horrors of horrors, people were SITTING ON THE BENCH they had placed at the bus stop. This behaviour must stop cried the new town council, and the bench was removed.
Once again people are beginning to complain about kids on the sidewalk. I hope in a few years they'll get a new bench

That is one of the craziest things i have ever heard!

[heathert]

I don't always agree with Abby's advice either, especially the one about the graduation someone else mentioned.  I would also say though, that before we hang her, we should consider that we ALL have our own little biases and so forth about people, and hopefully that is something we all continue to work on.  I have worked as a server, so I can't say that I would not roll my eyes at a table full of teens after past experiences.  Is it fair?  Perhaps not, but all of us have stereotyped and judged others wrongly at some point.

Just being real.

Heather

[smarterthanu213]

Abby is sooo off base. Next thing you know, she's going to be telling Asian businessmen that they have to get eyelifts (which make Asian eyes look more Caucasian) in order to be respected in the workplace.

I agree that we all have our own little biases...but for Abby to say that it was probably the writer's fault is just inconceivably rude. How is Abby to judge the appearance of the writer?

As a teenager, the only thing to do to avoid being stereotyped is to make yourself look about thirty. Because most people aren't going to judge you on your behavior or attitude. According to Abby, that is.

[Lauren]

Perhaps not, but all of us have stereotyped and judged others wrongly at some point.

Perhaps, but most of the reactions I assume, would be spur of the momenet. Abby sat down, thought about it and still gave that response. That's a pretty ingrained prejuidce.

[Amanita]

I've been known to look like a straight up oddball when I go out in public- I love medieval, asian, and other ethnic clothing. And yes, I suppose dark kimono and hakamas might seem intimidating to some. Never mind that I try to be polite dealing with people, I guess according to Abby I need to chuck all the gorgeous clothes I own because, OH NOES, the horrors!!, somebody might be intimidated. I guess I should trade in my long robes for businesswomen's skirts and pantyhose, my graceful cloaks for suit jackets, and my lovely mysterious black Jedi cloak for a nondescript plain coat. Ditch the imposing appearance some of my outfits give me in favour of soft and vulnerable clothing, delicate and pretty. Never mind that soft, vulnerable, and delicate tends to scream "victim" or "pushover". Not to mention how utterly false I would feel in such an appearance.

I cordially invite Abby to bite me.