In-Law's furniture

[xanne]

Kind of a long story.  My husband bought the house that is now ours from his parents, when we married, I sold my house and the new mortgage is in both names - we are now married 10 years.  The ILs left just about everything behind and moved to another state.  When DH took ownership, he was told that he had to keep his Mother's organ until she died and the dining room furniture would still belong to them.  Their furniture is definitely not my taste and after a few years of telling DH how much I hated the giant faux early American hutch and trestle table with benches, I gave him 2 options.  Buy new furniture we both like, or live with a piece of furniture that would never get dusted or cleaned again, ever. I resented having to care for something I truly didn't like and it is a high maintenance piece.  the hutch moved into a bedroom, it was too heavy to carry up or down stairs and MIL might want it if she moves back up here.  I will spare you all the gory details of getting accused of throwing out their things, the kicker was the plastic insert that allows you to play 45s on a regular record player that had been left in a drawer, did I mention that they moved 25 years ago?  Yes, I dd throw it out along with tons of other crap that they might want some day. Evil DIL.

So, last year MIL passed away.  FIL decided to give the organ to his church up here.  Wonderful, then he tells us that they aren't going to make a decision for a year, so we tell him we are going to sell it.  After the second buyer made an offer, he tells us the day before he left the church said they would take it.  50lb block of salt with that one.  He paid to have the organ repaired and now we wait for the church.  It is an old model with tubes that needs special handling (expensive) or we would stick it on a trailer and take it over.  So we come to the china hutch.  Am I wrong in not asking if it can go? If I can't sell it, I am going to donate it. I know if I ask, I will never be rid of it. The organ and hutch take up a large portion of what I would like to use as a home office. 

FWIW, MIL was a very controlling person and this was her hold over me since my husband didn't want to make waves, and frankly, I am not the female dog type, I try to be nice.

[amylouky]

I wouldn't ask, but I would tell FIL you are planning on disposing of it, to give him first refusal. I'd just tell him, "FIL, if you want this china hutch, we'll need you to make arrangements to get it by X date, otherwise we'll be selling/donating it".
I understand DH not wanting to make waves, but it's YOUR house and you shouldn't have to have anything in it that you don't want.

[SamiHami]

If your IL's wanted their items saved, they should have sprung for a storage unit. Instead they bullied your "don't make waves" DH into taking the property indefinitely...and still managed to give you grief over it through the years. Yeah, sounds like a great deal to me.

You've been a doormat long enough. Time to polish that spine and tell your FIL that he has two weeks to get any and all of his property out of your house or it's getting donated/trashed/disposed of...and no excuses of "oh, the church is coming next month! Can't you wait til then!"

Stick to your guns-you'll feel so much better for it!

[Mental Magpie]

I'll just pod the posters above me.

[cicero]

I'll just pod the posters above me.

me too

[Sharnita]

I might have missed it but what would your husband like to do?

[xanne]

Husband would like me to be happy.  Just before he got laid off from his job we had decided that all of the IL's stuff was going to go into storage and if we had to pay we would since we could afford it at that time.  DH is not a big one for change, but recently he has been a lot more flexible since I think he finally internalized that it really is our house.  We did a bathroom re-model about 8 years back when I put my hand through the wall leaning on the tile to clean it.  We still have the old tub   IL's "we paid so much money for that tub", it became such an issue with them that it wasn't worth our marriage to get my way.  This summer when we clean out the basement, all of the stuff that we saved after we made changes is going out.  The carriage lamp on a huge turned wooden pole complete with eagle that was at the end of the kitchen island, the cheap lamps, and other assorted relics of the 1970s will get tossed.  It wasn't worth the grief to throw the stuff out.  I moved a dry sink my FIL made and my husband got a hysterical call at work asking what I had done with it.  If they looked behind them when they came over to do laundry, they would have seen it.  I think that was the beginning of my husband's realization that there was a bigger issue.

[Alpacas]

Sounds like your DH needs to remind FIL that he sold the house.
If another couple had bought the house none of these things would have probably survived for long as the couple would have made the house their own.
From what you told us it kind of sounds like you and DH are living in the Inlaws Storagehouse, not in your own house. °~°

[Luci45]

I do have to brag about my parents. They sold our childhood home to my brother. The only thing they left behind was a crate of his stuff. There was a tray as decoration over the fireplace that was to be left per contract.

I have heard so many stories like the poster's in real life that it just makes me angry that some people think their junk is so good that everyone wants it or expect the children not to have autonomy - which is a pretty strong word for this situation, but I have strong feelings.

OP, please keep clearing with your husband's approval. It's your life, too!

[Nuala]

Husband would like me to be happy.  Just before he got laid off from his job we had decided that all of the IL's stuff was going to go into storage and if we had to pay we would since we could afford it at that time.  DH is not a big one for change, but recently he has been a lot more flexible since I think he finally internalized that it really is our house.  We did a bathroom re-model about 8 years back when I put my hand through the wall leaning on the tile to clean it.  We still have the old tub   IL's "we paid so much money for that tub", it became such an issue with them that it wasn't worth our marriage to get my way.  This summer when we clean out the basement, all of the stuff that we saved after we made changes is going out.  The carriage lamp on a huge turned wooden pole complete with eagle that was at the end of the kitchen island, the cheap lamps, and other assorted relics of the 1970s will get tossed.  It wasn't worth the grief to throw the stuff out.  I moved a dry sink my FIL made and my husband got a hysterical call at work asking what I had done with it.  If they looked behind them when they came over to do laundry, they would have seen it.  I think that was the beginning of my husband's realization that there was a bigger issue.

The ILs seemed to think they'd sold you a museum, not a home.

I can understand why it might be difficult for him to make changes to the house. For him the eagle and all the rest have always been there. But it's not fair to you to live in his parents' museum.

Out with it all! And DH can explain to his father that the home belongs to both of you now.

[SPuck]

Your not being a female dog decorating the home you bought to your taste. If they were strangers they wouldn't have had any say what goes on in your house for all these years. At this point it is time to spine up and do things your own way.

[mrs_deb]

I'm sorry - I MUST be misunderstanding this - are you saying this debacle has been going on for TWENTY FIVE YEARS?

[xanne]

DL bought the house 15 years ago after renting from them for 5 - we have owned it for 10.  Nuala, those are my words exactly, I don't want to live in someone else's museum.  I gave up years ago expecting the ILs to say something looks nice.  Different = bad!  The ironic part is my FIL has been making changes to the house where he lives now, things MIL wouldn't let him do.... 

[SPuck]

I'd say everything else expect for the piano just get rid of. Since the main force keeping everything in stasis has passed it is now a good a time as any. For the piano, contact the church itself. Say they need to come and get it by X date or you will start the process of selling it.

[Redneck Gravy]

I am with the previous posters as well.

Give FIL a date to get it or give it up - then dispose of it. 

Are there any other children (DH's siblings) having to deal with anything like this?  Do any of them want to come and get some things?

After two years this little drama would have been over for me.