Author Topic: In-Law's furniture  (Read 8453 times)

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cheyne

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #15 on: January 09, 2013, 11:59:48 AM »
Call the church today, as in right now.  Tell them they have 2 weeks to pick up the organ.  If they can't or won't get it within two weeks, put an ad in the paper, Craigslist or whatever to get rid of it. Or put it in the dumpster (see below).

If DH has siblings, call them today and ask them if they want any of your IL's stuff.  They need to pick it up within two weeks.  Then call FIL and tell him if he wants anything he has two weeks to get it out of your home.

Order a dumpster from your local waste management service.  In two weeks and one day, all IL's carp is thrown into it and hauled away. 

I would have been over this within 6 months of signing the mortgage paperwork, female dog or no.  If I am paying for a home, it's MY home not a storage facility or waste disposal site. 

xanne

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2013, 02:40:31 PM »
As much as I would like to just burn the whole lot of it, my FIL did make some of the furniture and DH would like to keep it.  FIL and SIL live over a day's drive away, there is no way for them to come and get their stuff in a timely fashion.  SIL did not fall far from the tree. One of the items that was left behind was a '69 Chrysler Newport convertible, all 19 feet of it in our garage.  DH let ILs know it had to go, offered to put it on a trailer and drive it to SILs house.  No, no room to keep it.  We finally sold the car and then comes the call from MIL that SIL was hysterically crying that she would have taken the car if she thought we really would sell it.  On what I found as a funny note, when SIL and BIL were up for MIL's funeral, BIL said now you can finally get  rid of the organ, and we can get rid of the piano.   SIL did come around when I offered to give her all of the furniture to take home.  She lives in a small condo that is a 3 story walk-up.  DH had brought her the piano before I knew him and helped carry it up.

alkira6

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2013, 02:46:17 PM »
On the bright side, they know that you are serious when you say to get something (car incident) so set a date for removal and stick to it.   It suck to not be able to have your own stuff in your house because it's filled with someone else's stuff.

Amara

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #18 on: January 09, 2013, 03:41:18 PM »
I never fail to be amazed at how many people there are who want you to store their inherited stuff for them because they don't have the room. And feel no need to get or make room since you can keep it in the family. For them. For however long they want to hang onto it.

snappylt

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #19 on: January 09, 2013, 05:27:59 PM »
It sounds like you are likely to be criticized by various members of your husband's family if/when you get rid of the stuff.  I'd suggest that you might preempt some of that criticism if you make a point of giving a deadline for the removal of the stuff - and then telling lots of family members about the deadline.  This will make it harder for those who left the stuff behind to whine that they would have retrieved the stuff if only you had warned them.

I'm remembering a story about one of my relatives.  (I'll call her "Gracie".)   Gracie's mother passed away many years ago when Gracie was a young adult.  Gracie's father was devastated at the time and just left Gracie's mother's belongings where they were in their home.  (He offered Gracie's mothers things to Gracie, but Gracie never got around to moving any of them.)  Well, after several years as a widower, Gracie's father married a very nice lady (let's call her "Sarah").  He and Sarah decided to live in his house after their wedding, but there was a problem: all of Gracie's mother's things were still there.

For years now Gracie has told the relatives that her father and Sarah just tossed all of Gracie's mother's things without ever giving Gracie a chance to have anything.  I found that hard to believe, because it didn't match up with the kind way Gracie's father and Sarah have always behaved toward me and my own family, but of course I just kept my mouth shut and listened without comment when Gracie would whine about it.

Well, I stayed behind at the end of a recent holiday gathering to help, and I ended up having a long private conversation with Sarah.  Sarah asked me point bank, "Does Gracie say bad things about me to you?"  I avoided answering the question directly and replied by quoting some of the nice things Gracie has said about Sarah recently.  Well, Sarah went on to tell me that other relatives had been telling her about Gracie whining to them about Sarah tossing out Gracie's mother's things.  Sarah said to me, "You know, Snappy, Gracie's dad offered all of those things to Gracie when her mother died.  Gracie would never come get them.  Then, when her dad and I planned to get married, her dad sat Gracie down and told Gracie he would not have room to keep her mother's things any longer.  He gave Gracie a deadline four months in advance and told Gracie that any of her mother's things that were not removed by the end of the four months would be given to other relatives or to Goodwill.

Well, Gracie never came to get any of her mother's things!  Sara told me that her husband even waited a few extra weeks after the deadline, but still Gracie would not pick up the stuff.  Finally, Gracie's dad donated it all to Goodwill.  And then Gracie started complaining to the other relatives that her mothers belongings had been tossed out before Gracie had a chance to get them.

Now I've heard two stories, Gracie's story and Sarah's story.  Frankly, because of what i have observed over the years of the way the two women behave, I believe Sarah's version over Gracie's.  (Not that it matters what I believe!)  In any case, I'm suggesting to the OP that, if you're able to let all the relatives know about any deadlines you set, it may make it more difficult for the ones who get upset with you to distort the truth around the others.


magicdomino

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #20 on: January 09, 2013, 05:36:54 PM »
On the bright side, they know that you are serious when you say to get something (car incident) so set a date for removal and stick to it.   It suck to not be able to have your own stuff in your house because it's filled with someone else's stuff.

Agreed.   :)

My mother would have been the same way if I had bought my house instead of renting it (Dirt cheap rent, but it came furnished with Stuff, and Heaven help me if a piece of junk furniture disappeared.) 

For that matter, one of my older brothers was very upset to hear that I'd completely cleared out the basement and his childhood arrowhead collection was probably thrown out.  Dearest Brother, those arrowheads were in the basement since you moved out in the 1960's.  Granted no one knew where they were, but you stayed here for three weeks after Mom died.  Remember finding your baseball card collection?  You looked; you didn't find the arrowheads.  I looked; I didn't find the arrowheads.   I'm sorry the people I hired to empty the basement carried them to the dump, but I had other people coming in to get the asbestos tile off the floor the next day.  ::)

Then there were the antiques from his in-laws that were stored in my basement for a year or two (pre-asbestos removal and installation of drains).  Yes, I have plenty of room down there.  Yes, I'm sorry you had health problems and couldn't drive up here to pick it up like you planned.   Believe it or not, I simply do not want to store someone else's Stuff.  Blasted Stuff multiplies as it is, it doesn't need more breeding material. 

Margo

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #21 on: January 09, 2013, 05:42:16 PM »
I agree with PPs - give FIL a deadline, spell out what will happen when it passes, and follow through.

With the Organ, I'd second the suggestion to call the church direct - tell them that you understand from FiL he would like the organ to go to them, that you're happy with this (you bought the house it is presumably yours, not his, to dispose of!) but that you cannot store it after [deadline] so if they want it, they need to arrange to pick it up before then.

Copying SIL and any other siblings in on the e-mail to FIL would also be reasonable.

Good Luck

xanne

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Updated Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #22 on: March 20, 2013, 10:43:08 AM »
So, Habitat for Humanity came and picked up the china hutch.  FIL will find out when he comes to visit. I called the Church, twice, unfortunately they don't call me back, but they call FIL when I call, but he doesn't call me.  FIL wants to be there when the organ is donated, he wants to clean it up and he has to pay to have it moved, which will probably be a couple of hundred dollars.  If FIL doesn't show up this summer (his new lady friend doesn't want him to) the organ will be leaving one way or the other.  I have a July 1 date set for it to be re-homed.  Next will be the items not in my living space, i.e. the basement and attic.

YummyMummy66

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #23 on: March 20, 2013, 12:55:05 PM »
OP, I think it is a good idea of finally getting rid of these things.

You said you set a date for certain things.  Did you tell FIL?   I would do this first, if you ahve not already done so.

Make a list of everythng you no longer want in the house and let him know that if he has not done somethign with these items by such and such a date, you will.

strawbabies

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #24 on: March 20, 2013, 11:05:17 PM »
Tell your FIL he has to come get it or make arrangements for it to be picked up by such-and-such date, or it will be sold/donated.  Either way, it'll be gone after that date. 

They don't get to use your house as a free storage unit forever. 

I put my foot down years ago when my DHs parents wanted to store a bunch of their things in our (already stuffed) garage.  DH had agreed to let them do it without consulting me.  I found out when another family member accidentally spilled the beans because they didn't know I hadn't been kept in the loop.  And I ripped DH a new one for it. 

Miss Tickle

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #25 on: March 20, 2013, 11:27:35 PM »
You might want to see if the church will write you a receipt for the transportation costs of the organ as a donation for your taxes. If it's something you can manage, do it as a favour to your FIL who must also be grieving the loss of his wife and might be handling the extra stress of some decade old issue poorly.

jane7166

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #26 on: March 21, 2013, 04:31:14 PM »
You might want to see if the church will write you a receipt for the transportation costs of the organ as a donation for your taxes. If it's something you can manage, do it as a favour to your FIL who must also be grieving the loss of his wife and might be handling the extra stress of some decade old issue poorly.

Since FIL has a new lady friend, I think he's past the heavy grieving stage.  I'm sure he's still grieving the loss of his wife but I wonder how long it will take for the new lady friend to make some changes if they ever share a living space.  And FIL won't even see the irony in that, I'll bet. 

LifeOnPluto

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Re: In-Law's furniture
« Reply #27 on: March 21, 2013, 10:48:51 PM »
You might want to see if the church will write you a receipt for the transportation costs of the organ as a donation for your taxes. If it's something you can manage, do it as a favour to your FIL who must also be grieving the loss of his wife and might be handling the extra stress of some decade old issue poorly.

Since FIL has a new lady friend, I think he's past the heavy grieving stage.  I'm sure he's still grieving the loss of his wife but I wonder how long it will take for the new lady friend to make some changes if they ever share a living space.  And FIL won't even see the irony in that, I'll bet.

My thoughts exactly!