no gift...

[Hmmmmm]

You are telling me you wouldn't be upset?

I am telling you I would not be upset to not receive a gift for me or for my child.  I would be upset if there were bad blood or something, but if I were the grandma I would be offended and a little disgusted if I were "called out" for not giving a gift.  Given the number of people she apparently buys for, what would the value of this gift be anyway?  To me, yes, you are putting way to much importance on a gift.

Jenny, if your post had been:
I'm afraid I might have done something to upset GM because we did not receive a gift for baby, how do I address it?
I think most of us would understand that you are upset that a gift wasn't sent because it implies there could be a rift that you didn't know existed. 

But some of your posts seem to imply it is the lack of gift only that is causing you to be upset and not that it could imply a relationship problem.  It could be just the way we are reading them.

[angilamae]

honestly if everyone in the family recieved a present and i (or my kid by proxy) did not, yes i would be hurt and surprised.  i get that people do not have to give gifts etc and i dont expect them but if there has been a history of them (and there has) and no obviious change (and thier hasnt) then yeah of course i would be hurt.  I would not do anything about it like ask grandma but I can honestly say i would be hurt.

[Redneck Gravy]

Is it possible the gift got lost in the mail?

I was just going to suggest this. Would it be polite if the OP's mother said something like, "Hey, I didn't hear what you got OP's son for Christmas! They enjoyed the Elf on the Shelf so much last year. What did you choose this year?" Then Grandma will either say, "Oh, I got him a train set," and people can go scrambling around trying to figure out what happened to it; or she will say, "Oh, I decided not to get him anything/etc." and then you will know the reason. Would that be too obvious, do you think? With close relatives (like Grandma and her daughter) I personally don't think such a question would be out of line or pushy, especially if gift-giving "rules" are generally discussed (e.g., I'm not getting gifts for you anymore, just for your son).

I love this. If I were the OP's mom, I'd totally do it. Make it sound like I was curious.

Or even say, "Did you get a thank-you note from Daughter, or should I give her a nudge. She's normally very good, but I know she's been busier than normal."

Yes, all of this.

[TootsNYC]

and this technique might also suss out some explanation that makes it easier for you to accept. Or reveal any information about whether there's any hurt feelings/ill will on Grandma's part. Or even offer an opportunity to remind Grandma if she happened to forget.

(I just discovered a box of presents I thought I'd mailed.)

[Cami]

I think I'd ask my mom to suss out my grandmother.

I'd want to know if my grandmother was angry with me for some reason.

Or -- and this did happen to me once -- if I were the grandmother I'd want to know that my present had not arrived. All sorts of hurt feelings were swirling for months because someone thought they'd been singularly cut out of gifts when everyone else had gotten one. It turns out, it had apparently been stolen from her front porch after delivery. If she had sussed it out, I could have put in a claim. But since so long had passed, I was out of luck and she had months of unnecessarily hurt feelings.

[Jenny13]

If I were in your grandmothers shoes, I would be annoyed that you waited a week after receiving his birthday gift before you aknowledged it.

Is that something that you have done before?

When I send a package in the mail, I do expect it to be aknowledged in some way soon after the person receives it.

To me, a week is soon.

Actually the OP said that she sent the thank-you card 3 weeks after her son's birthday.

I did, but called to say thank you a week after he received it.  She did not answer so I left a message.

[Roe]

Jenny, any update?

And yes, I'd be hurt if everyone received a gift except for me or my son.  That's pretty hurtful.

[sammycat]

honestly if everyone in the family recieved a present and i (or my kid by proxy) did not, yes i would be hurt and surprised.  i get that people do not have to give gifts etc and i dont expect them but if there has been a history of them (and there has) and no obviious change (and thier hasnt) then yeah of course i would be hurt.  I would not do anything about it like ask grandma but I can honestly say i would be hurt.

I agree.  If everyone else is receiving a gift, then it does strike me as deliberate if one person only is excluded.

I'd probably ask whichever of my parents was the grandparent's child to suss something out with grandma.

[Jenny13]

Jenny, any update?

And yes, I'd be hurt if everyone received a gift except for me or my son.  That's pretty hurtful.

Ah, sorry! No real update...I haven't heard from her.