Odd Comment From A FSIL

[NyaChan]

The problem with the "joke" is that there ARE a lot of women who do have that attitude towards rings (I'm pretty sure I've read about some of them here on ehell actually).  As a result, I don't think it is an overreaction for Clarissa to wonder whether SIL is serious and therefore one of those people and definitely don't think that it is some indication that it is actually Clarissa who is overly concerned with comparing ring cost and size.  Still, she isn't in the best position to know whether SIL was serious, but her future husband is.  I think it is in her best interest for future relations to assume SIL was kidding and let it go.

[Mental Magpie]

The problem with the "joke" is that there ARE a lot of women who do have that attitude towards rings (I'm pretty sure I've read about some of them here on ehell actually).  As a result, I don't think it is an overreaction for Clarissa to wonder whether SIL is serious and therefore one of those people and definitely don't think that it is some indication that it is actually Clarissa who is overly concerned with comparing ring cost and size.  Still, she isn't in the best position to know whether SIL was serious, but her future husband is.  I think it is in her best interest for future relations to assume SIL was kidding and let it go.

To wonder if SIL is serious is not an overreaction; continuing to wonder after her DF told her it was a joke and thought no more on it is a different matter.

[Maggie]

Honestly we have the OP's words and not what Clarissa actually thinks.  We should really stop putting words in her mouth.  I can totally see a sister saying something like that to her brother.  Big sisters are like that   I don't think it was rude at all.  I also think Clarissa is still in the "honeymoon" stage with her ring.  She thinks it is the most beautiful and biggest stone possible.  To her it is on a par with Kate Middleton's ring (Princess Diana's ring).  This is the way it should be.  I hope they have a very happy life together.  I think she was joking and I hope they become the closest of friends!

[Mental Magpie]

Honestly we have the OP's words and not what Clarissa actually thinks.  We should really stop putting words in her mouth.  I can totally see a sister saying something like that to her brother.  Big sisters are like that   I don't think it was rude at all.  I also think Clarissa is still in the "honeymoon" stage with her ring.  She thinks it is the most beautiful and biggest stone possible.  To her it is on a par with Kate Middleton's ring (Princess Diana's ring).  This is the way it should be.  I hope they have a very happy life together.  I think she was joking and I hope they become the closest of friends!

You say we don't know what Clarissa actually thinks and we should stop putting words in her mouth.  Then you go on to purport you think Clarissa thinks it is the most beautiful and biggest stone possible and to her with what it is on par.  How is that any different than what you say we shouldn't be doing?

[Maggie]

Honestly we have the OP's words and not what Clarissa actually thinks.  We should really stop putting words in her mouth.  I can totally see a sister saying something like that to her brother.  Big sisters are like that   I don't think it was rude at all.  I also think Clarissa is still in the "honeymoon" stage with her ring.  She thinks it is the most beautiful and biggest stone possible.  To her it is on a par with Kate Middleton's ring (Princess Diana's ring).  This is the way it should be.  I hope they have a very happy life together.  I think she was joking and I hope they become the closest of friends!

You say we don't know what Clarissa actually thinks and we should stop putting words in her mouth.  Then you go on to purport you think Clarissa thinks it is the most beautiful and biggest stone possible and to her with what it is on par.  How is that any different than what you say we shouldn't be doing?

I will modify that to most women think theirs is the biggest and best. 

[Lynn2000]

I think those early meetings between potential new family members can be very tricky. Yes, Daphne should be herself and show her sense of humor that her family knows so well, so she and Clarissa can get to know each other. But on the other hand, I think that particular joke is of a questionable type that Daphne should probably have saved for a bit later in the "getting to know you" process.

Fundamentally, though, if Charles says it was a joke, I think Clarissa should try to accept that (and maybe she has by now). If she doesn't trust Charles's assessment of his own family members, I think they have bigger issues. But of course that does happen sometimes, with the new spouse being truly hurt by something the in-laws said or did, that is brushed off as "a joke" or "normal" by their SO, who's used to that kind of (bad) behavior. I think this single incident is not enough for Clarissa to be worrying about, though.

[Poppea]

I asked Clarissa today about the conversation.  She said that Charles looked pretty taken aback by Daphne's comment, but afterwards said "Oh, I think she was just kidding around".  Clarissa is going to assume that it was a joke but  make sure she is careful what she says and wears around Daphne until she knows her better. 

[m2kbug]

I can see problems with one-uppance, and that certain people might create issues and drama because nobody is "allowed" to have anything better or prettier.  Like it's some personal attack that someone would dare have a prettier ring or more expensive handbag or better car or manicure, the list goes on.  I would hope this is not the case with Daphne, and it really sounded more like joking to me from what you have shared.  Maybe she might be a little jealous.  Clarissa shouldn't worry about wearing the ring in front of Daphne. 

[Tabby Uprising]

I asked Clarissa today about the conversation.  She said that Charles looked pretty taken aback by Daphne's comment, but afterwards said "Oh, I think she was just kidding around".  Clarissa is going to assume that it was a joke but  make sure she is careful what she says and wears around Daphne until she knows her better.

Unless Clarissa is in the habit of waving her new ring in peoples faces and shouting, "Kneel before the majesty of my bling, kneel!" then I would say she should just wear what she normally wears and be herself.  FSIL made one comment that her brother assumes to be a joke.  To take that one thing and move forward with the plan of "being careful" about what one wears/says in front of her comes across (to me) as a bit dramatic.  It gives the impression Clarissa is slightly escalating the situation preemptively. 

[weeblewobble]

I asked Clarissa today about the conversation.  She said that Charles looked pretty taken aback by Daphne's comment, but afterwards said "Oh, I think she was just kidding around".  Clarissa is going to assume that it was a joke but  make sure she is careful what she says and wears around Daphne until she knows her better.

Unless Clarissa is in the habit of waving her new ring in peoples faces and shouting, "Kneel before the majesty of my bling, kneel!"

For the record, OP, if Clarissa does this and you video tape it, I will give you a shiny quarter.

[Poppea]

I asked Clarissa today about the conversation.  She said that Charles looked pretty taken aback by Daphne's comment, but afterwards said "Oh, I think she was just kidding around".  Clarissa is going to assume that it was a joke but  make sure she is careful what she says and wears around Daphne until she knows her better.

Unless Clarissa is in the habit of waving her new ring in peoples faces and shouting, "Kneel before the majesty of my bling, kneel!" then I would say she should just wear what she normally wears and be herself.  FSIL made one comment that her brother assumes to be a joke.  To take that one thing and move forward with the plan of "being careful" about what one wears/says in front of her comes across (to me) as a bit dramatic.  It gives the impression Clarissa is slightly escalating the situation preemptively.

SHe wasn't referring to her engagement ring, it was more like she was going to be sure not to dress up when she was around her until she gets a better idea about what she is like.

[Two Ravens]

I think it doesn't matter if it was a joke/not a joke. Clarissa is spending waaaay too much time dwelling it on. She doesn't need to analyze how Daphne dresses or alter her own style of dress unless she plans on walking on eggshells around her for the rest of her life. Assuming the worst about Daphne, why let that type of person live rent free in her head?

[Poppea]

I think it doesn't matter if it was a joke/not a joke. Clarissa is spending waaaay too much time dwelling it on. She doesn't need to analyze how Daphne dresses or alter her own style of dress unless she plans on walking on eggshells around her for the rest of her life. Assuming the worst about Daphne, why let that type of person live rent free in her head?

That is an interesting assumption.  She told me about it and I asked her a follow up question.   She's not going to alter her style of dressing, but isn't going to wear any obviously designer things when she meets her next month.  If Daphne has some sort of chip on her shoulder, well she lives in another state and it would be wiser to wait until after all the wedding festivities are over.  Charles is not very close to his sister and it shouldn't be an issue in the future.

[Mental Magpie]

I think it doesn't matter if it was a joke/not a joke. Clarissa is spending waaaay too much time dwelling it on. She doesn't need to analyze how Daphne dresses or alter her own style of dress unless she plans on walking on eggshells around her for the rest of her life. Assuming the worst about Daphne, why let that type of person live rent free in her head?

That is an interesting assumption.  She told me about it and I asked her a follow up question.   She's not going to alter her style of dressing, but isn't going to wear any obviously designer things when she meets her next month.  If Daphne has some sort of chip on her shoulder, well she lives in another state and it would be wiser to wait until after all the wedding festivities are over.  Charles is not very close to his sister and it shouldn't be an issue in the future.

The fact that she's thought long enough on this to decide that she won't wear specific clothing is a bit of evidence that leads to the conclusion Clarissa is indeed spending too much time dwelling on a stupid comment.  She got from a stupid comment about a ring to about what clothing she is or is not going to wear; that doesn't happen in a split second.  It's not an interesting assumption, it's an easy conclusion to which to come.

[Hmmmmm]

I asked Clarissa today about the conversation.  She said that Charles looked pretty taken aback by Daphne's comment, but afterwards said "Oh, I think she was just kidding around".  Clarissa is going to assume that it was a joke but  make sure she is careful what she says and wears around Daphne until she knows her better.

Unless Clarissa is in the habit of waving her new ring in peoples faces and shouting, "Kneel before the majesty of my bling, kneel!" then I would say she should just wear what she normally wears and be herself.  FSIL made one comment that her brother assumes to be a joke.  To take that one thing and move forward with the plan of "being careful" about what one wears/says in front of her comes across (to me) as a bit dramatic.  It gives the impression Clarissa is slightly escalating the situation preemptively.

SHe wasn't referring to her engagement ring, it was more like she was going to be sure not to dress up when she was around her until she gets a better idea about what she is like.

There must be more background than we are hearing because this seems unusual for your friend to be concerned about going over to her future inlaws for dinner dressed a little nicer than the FSIL.  Anyway, if she doesn't know her well, how is she even going to have an idea of how the FSIL would plan to dress until she arrived some place and saw her?