S/O Equal gifts -- family wedding

[artk2002]

It sounds like you'll get hassled no matter what you do. So then it doesn't really matter what you do, does it? Do what's right for you and to eHell with what the others think and say. They're obsessed with the monetary value of gifts? That's their problem, not yours. Don't let them make it your problem.

[gorplady]

It sounds like you'll get hassled no matter what you do. So then it doesn't really matter what you do, does it? Do what's right for you and to eHell with what the others think and say. They're obsessed with the monetary value of gifts? That's their problem, not yours. Don't let them make it your problem.

I have to agree with Art. Do what's best for you, not them.

[Lynn2000]

Yeah, I almost want to suggest something like the "Wheel o' Wedding Fortune"... someone's getting married, you spin the wheel to see how much money they get. Not seriously, of course, but if your choices are going to be judged and dissected (and perhaps found wanting) no matter what, might as well have a crazy explanation to tell people...

[katycoo]

Did you explain, in the $20 gift, the reason why the gift could not be as generous as the usual well known amount?

That would actually be very ungracious.

It was a question, not a suggestion.

[Cami]

Ha, ha, blarg314, you've got it!

Did you explain, in the $20 gift, the reason why the gift could not be as generous as the usual well known amount?

That would actually be very ungracious.

It was a question, not a suggestion.

The answer to the question, is no, we did not explain why our gift was "only" $20. I don't feel gifts should come with explanations as to or excuses for their value. Nonetheless, due to a whole background story I don't want to bore you with, people were aware that we had spent a LOT of money to go to that wedding. A REASONABLE person would conclude that "Cami and her dh spent a lot of money to come to this wedding, so therefore their gift to the HC was less." However, as you've all no doubt ascertained, I'm not dealing with reasonable people.  Hence why I know I can't win and I'm trying to minimize the damage.

I appreciate all of your input!

[fluffy]

Was there any fallout from the $20 gift?

It sounds like you're going to get grief no matter what, because these people are ehell bent on taking the most uncharitable view of everybody's actions. If it makes you feel better, their toxic behavior probably makes them far more miserable than any grief that they might be giving you. What a sad life, to work yourself into a tizzy about stuff like this.

Me, personally, I would send $200. Because that's what I would have done for any wedding where the relatives weren't crazy. That way, I wouldn't fall into the trap of attempting to second-guess crazy people.

In other words, never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line. :p You can twist your brain into knots, trying to figure how they're going to view your wedding gifts... but the truth of the matter is, they're probably going to take a negative attitude about it no matter what. So, do what you'd do if you were dealing with people who aren't nutters. Don't play their game.

[postalslave]

Frankly, it sounds like making $20 your standard wedding gift for the family is a wonderful idea. If you're going to be in trouble no matter which you do, go for the option that isn't going to set you back.

If they freak out and give you trouble, explain that you realized that your previous generous amount isn't always possible, depending on travel and other financial circumstances, so you decided to scale back to something you'd always be able to afford, and can therefore be completely fair.

What a pack of brats!

POD