Author Topic: S/O No more gifts...equal Gifting (epic length)  (Read 3219 times)

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Winterlight

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Re: S/O No more gifts...equal Gifting (epic length)
« Reply #15 on: January 09, 2013, 10:04:06 AM »
For me, it would depend on how I felt about my sister's children.  If we have a good relationship, I'd go ahead and send my usual amount directly to niece.  If I didn't have a good, or any, relationship with niece, I wouldn't bother sending anything.  Cut direct means no contact.  And I'd ask my own children not to pass on anything sister says to them via facebook.

Agreed. If you like your niece and get along with her, then send something. If you don't, then don't.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Redneck Gravy

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Re: S/O No more gifts...equal Gifting (epic length)
« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2013, 02:36:03 PM »
To be clear: my DD's are facebook friends with sister, that is the only contact they have with her and she rarely posts any news.  Both my DD received a private message through FB from Sis with the address for niece with the message to give it to me (which is Sis' address by the way).  ???  (perhaps the happy couple are living with her)

I have NO contact with Sis - mail, telephone, facebook or email.

Niece posted her wedding information on Facebook and it was shown on another relative's page or I wouldn't know at all.  Niece has not posted any gimme type news but did post that they are still planning a big white wedding (BWW) for later.

My sister is toxic and worse if that is possible.  I am kinda surprised she has not sent out wedding announcments with the address for gifts as a gimme request but then I shouldn't be shocked at anything she does or does not do by now.

Niece and I do not have a relationship, we did until a few years ago and she defriended me on FB after Christmas (again, never heard the words thank you cross her lips for the Christmas cash) so as far as I am concerned she cut me off.  My SIL says she seems pretty spoiled and entitled but I have not seen her so I wouldn't have a clue.  She has been in our town several times and always promises DD's to contact them so they can get together but never has, so again, I feel like she cut us off.   

On another note, another niece is planning a big wedding later in 2013 that we have all been sent std's for.  This is my brother's child and she is very much aware of the animosity towards her aunt and has already mentioned that she will NOT be inviting that branch of family.  She says that all the kids have turned out like their mother and she is not interested in having the special snowflake gimme pigs at her event. 

It's so sad to lose family members to "the dark side" but there really was a line in the sand three years ago and Sis jumped up and down on it...I still miss the sister she used to be.     

Lynn2000

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Re: S/O No more gifts...equal Gifting (epic length)
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2013, 04:46:56 PM »
It is sad when someone we've grown up with turns out to be so different, and in a bad way. :( I have three uncles (my mom's brothers) and though they are by no means toxic, they are all kind of flaky in different ways and often disappoint my mom and my grandma--e.g., promising they will visit at a specific time and then changing their minds at the last minute. I know my mom kind of thinks back to childhood fun with them and wonders, "What happened? I want those brothers back!" But they've made their choices and I think the only fair thing to do is to let them live with the consequences, and not chase after them or try to mop up the messes they've made.

OP, sounds like you've made your decision--sister is cut off, niece is cut off, so no money/cards/etc. for them. Good for you. I know it's maddening that they still expect things from you, but if they took the hint and went away quietly, they wouldn't be toxic people that you had to cut off, you know? I think I would ask my DDs, and possibly other relatives, to just not pass on any messages from them--maybe general news, if it's of interest to you, but nothing where the Toxics are asking/demanding that you do anything for them.
~Lynn2000

fluffy

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Re: S/O No more gifts...equal Gifting (epic length)
« Reply #18 on: January 11, 2013, 10:17:33 AM »
Your niece has ceased all communication with you and de-friended you on Facebook. She's made it clear that she doesn't want any sort of relationship with you. You should take her wishes into account and not send a wedding gift.

Your sister is a sad example of why parents who play favorites aren't doing *any* of their children any favors. Often, it seems like the favorite child ends up far worse in the long run.

Redneck Gravy

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Re: S/O No more gifts...equal Gifting (epic length)
« Reply #19 on: January 11, 2013, 10:24:45 AM »
Your niece has ceased all communication with you and de-friended you on Facebook. She's made it clear that she doesn't want any sort of relationship with you. You should take her wishes into account and not send a wedding gift.

Your sister is a sad example of why parents who play favorites aren't doing *any* of their children any favors. Often, it seems like the favorite child ends up far worse in the long run.

Exactly.  Sis has struggled on her own because for the first time ever there is no one there to clean up her mess.  She has no siblings that she is in contact with and her own children mostly avoid her like the plague.  I don't know if any of her friends are still around - none that I know of?

Her last engagement ended in disaster just prior to the big white wedding she had planned (her 3rd marriage) so the fiance is not around anymore either. 

I worry about her but not enough to swallow my hurt feelings and call to check.  I figure if it gets bad enough for her she will reach out (not that I will necessarily jump back in) but at least we would know she is alive.