I think I screwed up - ideas on how to fix. Update #8, 17

[missmolly]

BG: I work at a cinemaplex. I recently moved into a new place and have a lot of expenses coming up, so I am taking as many shifts as I can at work to get plenty of money up. I have put myself down to work pretty much every day, and I have told my manager to call me if she needs me to cover any extra shifts.
I have a really good friend, Helen, that I try to catch up with when I can. We were supposed to meet up recently but she got held up with a job interview and had to cancel. End BG.

Last night she messaged me on FB asking me if I was available sometime this week. This was my reply:

Hi Helen, I've hesitated on making plans is that I keep getting called into work on supposedly free days, and with the trip coming up it's hard for me to refuse any extra work. I know that I'm not rostered on Thursday and Sunday but there is a possibility that I will be asked to work either of those shifts. So if you would like to go out for breakfast either of these days I would love to catch up, the only thing is that I might have to cancel them. Otherwise we could wait until February.


Reading back over that, I'm really cringing now. I simply should have said - sorry this month won't work for me, let's try next month. Instead I've essentially said "hey now, I can make plans but I'll very likely flake out on them".
There has been no reply from her at all - even though she has made other fb posts recently and she is always quick to reply to me. So I'm pretty sure she has taken offense. My question is, should I apologise for my wording and if so, how. Or should I wait until she makes the first move?

[Brisvegasgal]

I didn't think you were rude, a bit confusing yes, but rude no.

If you're concerned why not message her and say something like 'sorry about my crazy schedule, how about we lock in a date in Feb'.

[MariaE]

I didn't think you were rude, a bit confusing yes, but rude no.

If you're concerned why not message her and say something like 'sorry about my crazy schedule, how about we lock in a date in Feb'.

Agree with this. This is a friend - she'll understand

Rules are different in a friendship. I have a friend to whom I can say, "Hey, do you want to hang out on Friday if I'm up for it?" and she'll reply "Sure, if nothing else comes up." Horribly, horribly rude according to etiquette, but we're close enough that it works for us.

[Margo]

I don't think you were rude. You made it clear you'd like to meet with  hr, but you can't make a absolute commitment as you may have to work. If you'd agreed to meet and then cancelled I think you would owe her an apology, but you haven't, you've simply explained the limitations on your availability this month. Isn't it possible that the delay in response is because meeting for breakfast could mean she'd have to arrange to start work later / get different transport and she needs to check whether that is feasible before she responds? Or she may simply have forgotten to reply!

I think it would be fins to go back to her and say something such as "It looks as though this month is really packed - can we fix a definite date for February?"

[Redsoil]

Can't see a problem with it.  If it were me, I would totally understand the situation!  Maybe she's meaning to get back to you when she knows her own schedule a bit better?  Of course, FB messages sometimes take a while to go through, or can get "lost" too.  Maybe phone her to chat, or email etc.

[bopper]

I think what you said was perfectly fine! You are giving her the choice of a "possible date" this week or a definite date next month.

[siamesecat2965]

I think you were fine. You essentially made tentative plans, based on your work schedule, and gave her another option if that doens't work out. I have friends I do this with; I have a second job, with no set schedule, so sometimes someone will ask me if i want to get together, and I'll say yes, however, I don't have my schedule yet. Let's make tentative plans for x day at y time, and i'll let you know for sure as soon as the next schedule is out.

Sometimes we can do it then, others times I have to work, and need to re-schedule.

[Roe]

I think you were fine too!  Nothing rude in saying, "I'd love to see you but I might have to cancel due to work."  If a friend can't understand that...I don't know what else to say. 

[missmolly]

Small update: I decided to send a message via text to her, just in case she simply missed my FB message. This time I just said something along the lines of - works really hectic, probably best to wait until Feb. That was 2 nights ago, and still no word from her. I think I may have been given the cut direct. Hugs please?

[bloo]

Cut Direct?

Helen must be pretty volatile if your mind leaped to that conclusion. I'd suggest a phone call to ascertain that everything is ok.

Sending you hugs, though!

[hobish]

Awww, maybe she just isn't sure how to respond.

((hugs)) anyway

[SamiHami]

Honestly, if she's given you the cut direct over that then she's really not much of a friend. You didn't do anything wrong.

[Yvaine]

Honestly, if she's given you the cut direct over that then she's really not much of a friend. You didn't do anything wrong.

Especially since Helen recently had to cancel plans too. She may just be busy or the text slipped her mind (and as for FB messages, I think they're a little wonky lately--I got a message sent at 5pm at 10pm yesterday, and sometimes FB emails me and sometimes it doesn't, etc.).

[JenJay]

Honestly, if she's given you the cut direct over that then she's really not much of a friend. You didn't do anything wrong.

Especially since Helen recently had to cancel plans too. She may just be busy or the text slipped her mind (and as for FB messages, I think they're a little wonky lately--I got a message sent at 5pm at 10pm yesterday, and sometimes FB emails me and sometimes it doesn't, etc.).

I agree with both of these posts. A cut direct over this would be a massive over-reaction. I hope she's just been busy or maybe she figures a reply of "okay" is unnecessary?

[oceanus]

Honestly, if she's given you the cut direct over that then she's really not much of a friend. You didn't do anything wrong.

This.  I'm a stickler when it comes to people making plans with me, but I don't see why she got so bent out of shape (IF that's what happened.)

*****swooning over SamiHami's cats eyes! Gorgeous.*****