Yes, I know I'm making it personal...

[m2kbug]

I was in a similar situation.  I don't feel I owed an apology, but at the same time I feel bad for the teacher and circumstances.  It's not just the teacher here, other school professionals, whom I'm assuming you spoke to at length, and you probably have an IEP, also didn't address these problems, so if there is to be blame, it's not on this one person.  You spent a lot of time trying to better the situation and work with the teacher and the school and it didn't work.  She was working in this environment to learn, but she wasn't learning.  Your child's needs weren't being met.  It's unfortunate the situation had to blow up, but it sounds like you handled it with tact and I don't see that you owe anyone an apology

[bansidhe]

Polite or not, I am at a loss of what more you could have done. This woman was not qualified, it was not working, and no one was listening.

This. It's great that the teacher wants to work with kids with Purple Disability, but how about at least going through some basic training first instead of making a Purple Disability kid's life difficult by using him as a guinea pig. And shame on the school administrators for prolonging a bad situation by sticking their heads in the sand. 

I'm surprised OP didn't blow up earlier and I don't think she has anything to apologize for. Might not hurt, however, to be sure to express appreciation for the teacher who actually knows what she's doing - both to the teacher and to the administration.

[bonyk]

As an SE teacher, I am baffled.  Was the teacher not following your son's IEP?  Didn't it have specific strategies that were to be followed?  I also don't understand why, if she was interested in learning about your son's disability, she did not actually put in the effort of learning.

I can't really fault her for not being trained in your son's disability; that's the administration's fault for putting an unqualified teacher in that position and not getting her the training she needed.

[Sophia]

The teacher had an entire school year in order to learn about Purple Disabilities.  Yet she did not.   Considering that purple and pink disabilities seem to have opposite requirements from the teacher, reading one respected book would have put her far ahead of her starting point and to the point that the OP wouldn't have been so frustrated.  Note, that the OP wasn't complaining that the teacher wasn't an expert.  She was complaining that the woman was actively doing the opposite things that the purple disability requires.  Fact is, she was doing a crappy job and should have been removed as the teacher of all purple children until she could get her act together.  She could also have ... oh, maybe listened to the OP while she was the teacher.  She had NO other information to go on. 

I think the teacher was protesting too much.  She was trying to make it the OP's fault rather than "Well, I can't do my job properly"

[Two Ravens]

I don't see where it said that the OP yelled? Blowing up =/= yelling.

OP, I definitely don't think you should apologize.

To me, that's exactly what it means.

I am not sure how you could "blow up" quietly.

[Moray]

OP, is this the same teacher your son had last year?

[CakeBeret]

Polite or not, I am at a loss of what more you could have done. This woman was not qualified, it was not working, and no one was listening.

This is where I'm at. I think that, regardless of whether it was rude, it was justified. The OP tried all the proper channels, more than once, and that got her nowhere. If the OP had used name-calling or insults or violence, that would be wrong. But aside from that, I think the OP is in the right, and should put the situation behind her.

[Girlie]

Obviously, the teacher and administration weren't listening or weren't willing to change when the OP was polite about it. Nothing that the OP said mattered. Something had to blow up somewhere- and in this case, it was the OP.

While I understand that the OP now feels badly about the way it happened, this seems to be one of those situations where you cut your losses and run. The child is with a better qualified teacher for his needs and is doing well.

[Iris]

wait - let me get this straight - old teacher has clearly been discussing your interaction with others, and you feel as though this is affecting how you and your son are viewed? SHE is the one being massively unprofessional  and personal there. To me, the important point here is that after a year of working with your son she STILL hadn't done the training required to properly care for him. Then, when you rightly called her on that, she has left no stone unturned in her quest to make you the bad guy.

I wouldn't apologise. You had one moment of weakness versus her having a year of incompetence. Personally I wouldn't be above a little effort to state my case. I wouldn't bring it up, ever, but if someone says"0h yes, teacher A told me about your little breakdown. You shouldn't make things personal." then I would be completely happy to reply "l complained about a teacher with inadequate training and the effect that was having on my son. I really don't know what you've been told, but I don't recall a personal attack at all."

[Poppea]

I, unfortunately, blew up at that point and told her very emotionally that I was aware of her career aspirations, that I was aware that she was using this job as a resume builder, and that my son was not going be her training experience. 

As I see it, this is the portion where the OP made it personal - a personal issue between OP and the teacher.  As Moray pointed out, this shows the OP was gossiping about the teacher and/or researching her, both of which don't look great for OP, IMHO.  And, frankly, I don't have any problems with the teacher's aspirations or desire to build her resume at all.  For example, I am one of several in-house attorneys at my company.  It is well known that I have aspirations to be President or General Counsel of the company some day.  That doesn't mean I do not take my current position very seriously - I think ambition shows that I do because I wish to prove myself worthy of my aspirations.

So what?  An teacher or administrator would have to be very naive to think that parents who know each other socially do not discuss the employees of the school which they support through tuition or taxes.  A parent does not have to act professionally in that setting, the teacher needs to because it is her job.  In this case the teachers and administrators were acting unprofessionally, blowing off the OP's concerns.  It was only when she brought up her outside knowledge and made it clear that the OP's son treatment was being discussed with others that they gave him the services which they were already legally required to provide.

[TurtleDove]

So what?

My point was that the problem as I saw it was not that things were personal to the OP because it involved her son but rather that things were "personal" between the OP and the teacher (as evidenced by the OP calling out the teacher's IMHO absolutely normal career aspirations and implying there is something sinister there).  Like some other PPs, I see this as a problem with administration, not with the teacher. 

[gramma dishes]

I'd like to know how that teacher got hired in the first place.  My daughter taught ECSE and she had to know about virtually every kind of child that might possibly ever be in her classroom.  If she found that she had one that she had no experience or even training for, she would have made it her immediate priority to find out as much as she could about how to deal with that student successfully.

There are mentors around and all it would have taken would have been a phone call, a meeting, some exchange of materials and they'd have been off to a good start.

OP, I'm so sorry you and your son had to deal with that situation.  And no, don't apologize. 

[Poppea]

So what?

My point was that the problem as I saw it was not that things were personal to the OP because it involved her son but rather that things were "personal" between the OP and the teacher (as evidenced by the OP calling out the teacher's IMHO absolutely normal career aspirations and implying there is something sinister there).  Like some other PPs, I see this as a problem with administration, not with the teacher.

Its a problem with the administration, but I see the OP's emotional outburst as her way of letting the teacher know that she understood that the teacher wasn't really all that interested in working with the purple disability (ie knew nothing about appropriate treatments) but instead was marking time so she could become a director of programs someday. 

Her response - crying and then telling her boss she couldn't work with the child and then badmouthing the parent?  I think its a good thing the other teachers know the OP won't put up with incompetence.

OP  congratulations, you are now considered a "squeaky wheel">  This means you will get more grease.  This is a good thing.

[MyFamily]

This teacher was harming a child.  I don't care if it wasn't an issue of hitting the child with a belt, but she was harming this child.  The OP tried multiple times to get this teacher to stop.  Frankly, I'd be livid if this had been my child, and as it is, I'm sick thinking of what the OP's child (and the other poster's nephew) had to go through.  Yelling to protect a child was the right thing to do - made evident by the fact that it wasn't until she yelled that the administration finally decided to do something about it. I don't view this as etiquette as much as an issue of health and safety. 

As far as making it personal, it is personal.  It is your kid and it is personal.  And my husband, a teacher, would agree with me on that - a parent-teacher relationship is very different from other relationships.  The teacher is a professional, but for the parent, they are the advocate for their child. 

OP, I'm relieved that things are better for your son now.  And, honestly, if someone makes reference to what happened before, I think you'd be correct in reminding them that what happened was because you were looking out for your son, and you'd appreciate if the focus could be on what is best for your son right now and in the future, and not on how the school failed him in the past.

[Firecat]

I don't see where it said that the OP yelled? Blowing up =/= yelling.

OP, I definitely don't think you should apologize.

To me, that's exactly what it means.

I am not sure how you could "blow up" quietly.

It can definitely be done. When I'm really, truly, so angry I'm shaking, I don't yell. I get very quiet. But very intense. Every word comes out not loudly, but in a very precise, clipped kind of way. And. sort. of. separated. like. this. And I'm holding extremely steady eye contact with whoever is on the receiving end.

My BFF has seen me do that a couple of times in the 20-mumble years we've known each other. She says I'm not loud, but she doesn't want to stand within about three feet of me when I'm that angry - not because she's afraid of getting hit or anything like that, but because she says the air in that "bubble" around me feels like lightning is about to strike.

Anyway, I concur with those who say the OP should not apologize, because I think the teacher would take it as vindication of sorts. I think that for the OP, it's one of those "least said, soonest mended" scenarios. At most, I think the OP should make a point of being polite and professional when dealing with other teachers and the administration at the school, which I suspect she's already doing.