Yes, I know I'm making it personal...

[gramma dishes]

It seems like maybe some people are forgetting that this is not a 'regular' teacher who has had a child with special needs placed in her 'regular' classroom.  The OP said in her opening statement that this is a Special Education teacher.

They have to have training to get that license.  It requires taking several extra classes and also doing a separate student teaching assignment in a Special Ed classroom with a certified Special Ed teacher (and usually a variety of aides and other people like Speech Pathologists, etc.)  So this teacher should have had at least some knowledge and hopefully some experience as well, in dealing with both "colors" of disabilities.

If she simply hadn't had the opportunity to experience dealing with the OP's son's specific issues, she certainly had a world of knowledge available literally at her fingertips.  Special Ed teachers do consult with one another and most colleges and universities offering Special Education teaching programs welcome past students to come back to them for advice when confronted with something they feel unfamiliar with.

This teacher did not do that.  She simply continued for an entire year trying to fit the round peg into the square hole.  She was in the wrong and I think the OP was more than sufficiently patient.  If she (OP) hadn't done what she did, her child would not have been able to progress and his frustration might have even made him actually lose ground. 

I do not think the OP owes anyone an apology.  I do think the school owes OP an apology, but she won't get it.  So the OP is doing the right thing by moving on.

It disturbs me that so many people here are so quick to call the police/lawyers/ etc.  Most of these things can and should be handled at the source.   Good for the OP for doing so.

[buvezdevin]

We had an emergency meeting with the principle in which I was told that the teacher had the right to supercede the BIP if in her judgement it was an emergency.  I was later told that he was kicking a wall.

Do you think this is not appropriate?

I wouldn't think it's appropriate unless the definition of "emergency" is made clear and agreed upon. I wouldn't consider something an emergency unless it involved imminent risk of harm to the child or another person. Kicking the wall wouldn't qualify.

Absolute agreement.  A teacher having the right to address an emergency with discretion should not be so broad as to allow every instance of less than desired behavior of a child as an emergency. 

[Bexx27]

It seems like maybe some people are forgetting that this is not a 'regular' teacher who has had a child with special needs placed in her 'regular' classroom.  The OP said in her opening statement that this is a Special Education teacher.

They have to have training to get that license.  It requires taking several extra classes and also doing a separate student teaching assignment in a Special Ed classroom with a certified Special Ed teacher (and usually a variety of aides and other people like Speech Pathologists, etc.)  So this teacher should have had at least some knowledge and hopefully some experience as well, in dealing with both "colors" of disabilities.

If she simply hadn't had the opportunity to experience dealing with the OP's son's specific issues, she certainly had a world of knowledge available literally at her fingertips.  Special Ed teachers do consult with one another and most colleges and universities offering Special Education teaching programs welcome past students to come back to them for advice when confronted with something they feel unfamiliar with.

This teacher did not do that.  She simply continued for an entire year trying to fit the round peg into the square hole.  She was in the wrong and I think the OP was more than sufficiently patient.  If she (OP) hadn't done what she did, her child would not have been able to progress and his frustration might have even made him actually lose ground. 

I do not think the OP owes anyone an apology.  I do think the school owes OP an apology, but she won't get it.  So the OP is doing the right thing by moving on.

It disturbs me that so many people here are so quick to call the police/lawyers/ etc.  Most of these things can and should be handled at the source.   Good for the OP for doing so.

The OP tried unsuccessfully to handle it at the source for a year. In fact, she never did so successfully because it was actually the teacher refusing to work with her that solved the problem. I would certainly try first to work it out with the school, but would move on to other options if that didn't work.

[Tabby Uprising]

OP, what is the advice you need? I understand your previous situation and your frustration with it. I guess I'm unclear on the current issue for which you're seeking advice.

ETA: Or maybe you're just looking for confirmation that you were not out of line before?

OP wanted to know if her behavior warranted an apology to the teacher.

[Eden]

OP, what is the advice you need? I understand your previous situation and your frustration with it. I guess I'm unclear on the current issue for which you're seeking advice.

ETA: Or maybe you're just looking for confirmation that you were not out of line before?

OP wanted to know if her behavior warranted an apology to the teacher.

I see. Then, I agree that no apology is needed. I don't know why i thought there was an ongoing issue for which she was seeking advice.

[Sharnita]

I think that regarding that it sounds like OP and teacher do not really cross paths anymore. Seaking her out now is likely to open up old wounds. I do think it would be wrong to share her theories on teacher's motivations with anyone. If she has shared that in the past and they bring it up I do think it would be appropriate to say something like "while my expectations were reasonable, I should never have speculated about teacher's motives"

[NyaChan]

It seems like maybe some people are forgetting that this is not a 'regular' teacher who has had a child with special needs placed in her 'regular' classroom.  The OP said in her opening statement that this is a Special Education teacher.

They have to have training to get that license.  It requires taking several extra classes and also doing a separate student teaching assignment in a Special Ed classroom with a certified Special Ed teacher (and usually a variety of aides and other people like Speech Pathologists, etc.)  So this teacher should have had at least some knowledge and hopefully some experience as well, in dealing with both "colors" of disabilities.

If she simply hadn't had the opportunity to experience dealing with the OP's son's specific issues, she certainly had a world of knowledge available literally at her fingertips.  Special Ed teachers do consult with one another and most colleges and universities offering Special Education teaching programs welcome past students to come back to them for advice when confronted with something they feel unfamiliar with.

This teacher did not do that.  She simply continued for an entire year trying to fit the round peg into the square hole.  She was in the wrong and I think the OP was more than sufficiently patient.  If she (OP) hadn't done what she did, her child would not have been able to progress and his frustration might have even made him actually lose ground. 

I do not think the OP owes anyone an apology.  I do think the school owes OP an apology, but she won't get it.  So the OP is doing the right thing by moving on.

It disturbs me that so many people here are so quick to call the police/lawyers/ etc.  Most of these things can and should be handled at the source.   Good for the OP for doing so.

The OP tried unsuccessfully to handle it at the source for a year. In fact, she never did so successfully because it was actually the teacher refusing to work with her that solved the problem. I would certainly try first to work it out with the school, but would move on to other options if that didn't work.

Parents are supposed to be given a packet of information with all their rights and deadlines for bringing suit BECAUSE Congress wanted to make sure they had recourse under the law if schools and the government weren't holding up their end of the bargain.  Having a lawyer look into things can be smart, not an overreaction, especially if you are unsure of whether the school is giving you the right information about what they are allowed to do.  I'm not saying lawyers should be called in over every little thing, but I think that the OP wouldn't have been getting the run-around for quite so long if she had.  If nothing else, she would have been set up for the next year's IEP meeting if the school never did come through during that year.

As for the original question, I don't think the OP should apologize at this point.  I think it would stir things up again and perhaps give the school the impression that you backing down on the original issue of having a trained teacher.   

[Lynn2000]

Wow, what a thread. For the original question, no, I don't think the OP should apologize at this point. There are apologies that are good for everyone and help them forgive each other and move forward together; and then there are apologies that will just create more drama and tension. I feel like in this case, the OP's apology would fall into the latter category, no matter how sincerely meant.

Although it sounds like a terribly frustrating situation, and I personally don't know enough to know if there were other avenues the OP could have tried, I do think it was rude to make it "personal" by questioning the teacher's motivations with the specific information the OP had received through "back channels." That takes the focus off the real problems and into soap opera territory. But again, I don't think apologizing would accomplish anything good at this point; I would just focus on being a polite but persistent parent with the new teacher, and let her and the other school employees see the real OP.

The saddest thing to me is that the whole "blow up" is what got the OP what she wanted, a new and better teacher for her son. What a lesson to teach parents!

[CatFanatic]

I'm going to go against the majority here (and I'll probably get flamed, but I feel it needs to be said): I think the OP owes the teacher an apology for her remarks about the teacher's career aspirations. It was out of line, and all the 'but it's your CHILD!' mama bear-type defences in the world  don't change that. Even if she feels she was justified, think of this: every teacher in the school now regards the OP as that parent - the one who will make accusations about you having a personal agenda/vendetta. This means every interaction they have with your child will be fear-based, and while some people may regard that as a good thing, I don't - I'd rather have honest input and a different perspective than the placation of someone who is scared I will overreact. Apologising for the out-of-line remarks woudl go some way to mitigating this.

[TurtleDove]

POD to CatFanatic.  You said well what I was trying to figure out how to say.

[gramma dishes]

Maybe you're right.  But I have a feeling that other teachers at the school may have known what was going on before this particular 'conversation' happened and I suspect that many of them may have felt the OP was right. 

She doesn't have a reputation for constantly complaining or berating teachers so I doubt that other teachers who have had experience working with her (and her son) in the past, or are now, or will be in the future are exactly shaking in their boots in fear that she will go off on them.  I think that such an incident happened only once makes a huge difference.

[TurtleDove]

She doesn't have a reputation for constantly complaining or berating teachers so I doubt that other teachers who have had experience working with her (and her son) in the past, or are now, or will be in the future are exactly shaking in their boots in fear that she will go off on them.  I think that such an incident happened only once makes a huge difference.

True, but if I remember correctly, the OP in the past was very supportive of this teacher and praised her for working extra hard with her son.  To me it just seems almost bipolar (not in the clinical sense - just a 180 degree deviation) to lash out at the teacher and call into question her motives when in the past, prior to this incident, the OP was very supportive of the teacher and giving her gifts to show her appreciation. 

I don't think the OP necessarily HAS to apologize, but I think it would smooth over real life instances working with the staff at the school.

[HappilyInsane]

Maybe you're right.  But I have a feeling that other teachers at the school may have known what was going on before this particular 'conversation' happened and I suspect that many of them may have felt the OP was right. 

She doesn't have a reputation for constantly complaining or berating teachers so I doubt that other teachers who have had experience working with her (and her son) in the past, or are now, or will be in the future are exactly shaking in their boots in fear that she will go off on them.  I think that such an incident happened only once makes a huge difference.

This. Give it time, OP. Other teachers and administration will see that she is the one keeping the situation aflame while you prefer to sit by and let the fire go out. If there are no such incidents with his current and future teachers, they will realize for themselves exactly where the problem lies. And also, if they put her with another purple student, she may be in the same situation with another parent, which will make it even more obvious where the problem actually lies. Although, I seriously hope they don't do this until she gets some training in that area.

As a parent of a child without disabilities, there were also teachers that I had conflicts with that chose to tell those tales to other teachers. I have more than once been told " You know, I heard (whatever) about you, but I just don't see that".

As far as the blow up, while it might not have exactly been etiquettely correct, you did what you felt you were forced to do, and it got the desired result. You didn't blow up right off the bat and I see nothing that says you have done that since. You went through proper channels first and no one would listen. As far as bringing up knowing she didn't have the proper skills, she admitted that to you herself, so it wasn't all second hand knowledge.She was in over her head and instead of trying to learn what techniques she should have been using, she instead tried to force him to conform to the ones she knew. At the very least, she should have taken time to speak with one of his previous teachers and find out what worked for them.

[TurtleDove]

This is slightly off topic, but I am curious how the teacher should have handled the situation.  What would the purple technique have her do when a child is violent and kicking the wall, and how does that differ from what the pink technique would do?

[Piratelvr1121]

The impression I'm getting about the teacher was that she was trying to get that training/certification by "learning" on OP's son without doing the legwork to actually learn about OP's child.

It's like saying "Oh I will get a certification in working with the rectangles to add to my other qualifications in working with circles, triangles and squares!"  But for a year, instead of trying to learn how to work with rectangles, she repeatedly just tries to shove that rectangular shape into a square shaped hole because well hey, they're so similar that it will work!  It's just the rectangle and his mother that are just being so darned difficult and she just can't understand why she can't get the rectangle to go into the square hole and she just KNOWS it will work if it weren't for the rectangle's difficult mother!

Meanwhile his mother is going to the administration saying "Please help my son, this woman is trying to use the techniques for squares on my son and he's not a square so he's not going to fit into that hole and I'm worried she's going to damage him somehow by trying to make him fit!  Please help her understand she has to learn methods for rectangles and make her stop using the square methods on him because he is NOT a square!"

Oy. 

I don't fault the teacher for wanting to get more experience and learn how to help children, but this one seems to have been rather lazy in doing so.  Instead of actually learning techniques to work with the purple disability, she kept trying to force the ones for pink disability on him, willing them to work and refusing to understand why they didn't.   Thus trying to shove a square peg in a round hole, or like my analogy,a rectangle in a square hole. 

I'd have a lot more sympathy for the teacher if she'd read a book, attended a seminar/class or two and actually tried methods for the purple disability.  That would show she was actually trying to help OP's son, not just trying to get away with saying she was helping him when she really, really wasn't.