Poll

What should a person do if proposed to in public and the answer is "No"?

Refuse Immediately in Public
108 (52.7%)
Accept in Public and Refuse at the earliest opportunity in private
50 (24.4%)
Other (Please Explain)
47 (22.9%)

Total Members Voted: 205

Author Topic: Public Marriage Proposals  (Read 21717 times)

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reflection5

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #60 on: April 07, 2013, 02:58:04 PM »
When someone arranges this sort of public exhibition, they run the risk of looking like a fool.  I think the best course of action would be to smile, but tell the guy that you need to speak to him privately.

I agree.

I love romance as much as the next person, but I’d kind of had it with these types of proposals.  Worse yet are the flash mobs that sometimes accompany or precede the proposal.

I saw a story recently about a news anchor who was surprised on air with a proposal.  I've even heard about guys coming on Jerry Springer and Maury (?) proposing.

Ugh.  I just think they're really corny.   
« Last Edit: April 07, 2013, 03:06:04 PM by reflection5 »

Yvaine

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #61 on: April 07, 2013, 03:09:55 PM »
I'm mulling over a semi-public proposal. It's semi-public in that we are going to Disneyworld (which is a very special place for her), and we are going to see the Fantasmic show, so I'm planning on doing it then (just get down on one knee, not anything to put the spotlight on us).  However,  we've talked about marriage, and even looked at rings so I'd know what she likes.  I don't think it's a look at me moment, but I hope it will help give her a story she'll cherish.

Not during the show thought, right? Before or after? That would be really distracting during the show.

It's a fireworks show that plays out over a big chunk of the park, not something like a stage play where people should listen quietly, so I think illini is probably fine either way. I think proposing during a fireworks show sounds cute--at least as long as she can hear the proposal. ;)  I suppose, just based on that, it might be worth it to wait till after!

So about 2 days before leaving, I found out that Fantasmic is actually in a big stadium type thing with bleacher seating, not at all what I was picturing (and it would have totally distracted others as well as been much more of a spectacle then I wanted).  Alls well though, I snuck a bottle of champagne out to the beach (thanks to help from the concierge & gift shop attendant) one night and insisted we go out there.  A bonus was that right after she said yes, fireworks started across the water (which I had no about).  So we got a nice private proposal and fireworks :-D.

Maybe they've changed it then--I saw it just standing on part of the street, and there was a whole crowd gathered to do that. Sorry. :(

NyaChan

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #62 on: April 07, 2013, 07:25:26 PM »
Congrats illini!  :D

Mental Magpie

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #63 on: April 07, 2013, 09:42:37 PM »
Congratulations!  How exciting!
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

sammycat

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #64 on: April 08, 2013, 03:08:11 AM »
When someone arranges this sort of public exhibition, they run the risk of looking like a fool.  I think the best course of action would be to smile, but tell the guy that you need to speak to him privately.

I agree.

Overall, I think public proposals are very "look at me! look at me!" and I'm certainly not interested in "looking at!" someone being so self centred.

My personal theory is that when the answer is a NO, the asker suspects that might be the answer.  But, hopes that the public nature might force a YES.

Interesting point I hadn't thought of before, but I do agree with. 

Public proposals just seem very manipulative overall.

Lynn2000

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #65 on: April 08, 2013, 10:48:25 AM »
So about 2 days before leaving, I found out that Fantasmic is actually in a big stadium type thing with bleacher seating, not at all what I was picturing (and it would have totally distracted others as well as been much more of a spectacle then I wanted).  Alls well though, I snuck a bottle of champagne out to the beach (thanks to help from the concierge & gift shop attendant) one night and insisted we go out there.  A bonus was that right after she said yes, fireworks started across the water (which I had no about).  So we got a nice private proposal and fireworks :-D.

Congrats!
~Lynn2000

Calistoga

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #66 on: April 08, 2013, 05:11:57 PM »
Grab hand, remove from public, decline in private.

Public wedding proposals are horribly unfair.

Cat-Fu

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #67 on: April 09, 2013, 10:48:25 AM »
Congratulations illini!!

It's funny that this thread popped up again—the other day I was passing through the mall and I stumbled upon a flash mob dancing in the middle of a giant court area. There was a song about getting married playing over the mall speakers, so I stayed to watch what I figured what likely coming. It was actually very exciting, and I admit I got a little misty-eyed over the proposal.

It turned out that an acquaintance knew one of the dancers, so I meandered over to chat with them since I am terminally nosy. :P Apparently the woman proposing knew her fiancée well—she loves flash mobs in general (I guess they had done a few together?) and also loves public proposals. I think that is the way to do it... with someone who wants it that way! Anyone who wasn't interested in looking could easily walk on past since there was plenty of room.
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weeblewobble

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #68 on: April 16, 2013, 06:04:18 PM »
A friend of mine recently dealt with a public proposal in front of her family and his family.  BG: My friend, Shelley, is fantastic.  But for some reason, she's never met a true nice guy, just a bunch of jerks posing as nice guys.  I honestly, don't think she minds being single.  But her mother is frantically, hysterically fixated on the idea that Shelley will never get married.  So when Shelley is single, her mother hassles her non-stop about getting out there, having standards that are too high and dressing up even when she's just going to the grocery because she never knows who she could run into.  When Shelley is dating someone, her mother is even MORE frantic about making sure Shelley stays in the relationship because this could be Shelley's last chance at getting married. No matter what sort of crap the boyfriend pulls, Shelley is told to forgive and forget and stop being such a nag.

So Shelley has stayed with a series of guys who are not good enough for her.  The latest, Darryl, has been the worst of all. Readers of Captain Awkward may be familiar with the term "Darth Vader Boyfriend."  This was so him, it wasn't even funny.  (Link here, warning some foul language: http://captainawkward.com/category/darth-vader-boyfriend/ )  He is lazy, selfish, talked down to Shelley as if she should feel fortunate to be with him.  And he's a reality bender.  Anything negative that Shelley perceived was chalked up to her being too sensitive, misunderstanding, looking for problems, or being a B----.  That was his coup de grace - "You're just being a b----." And it would make Shelley feel so bad that she would drop the argument.

Our friends talked to her about this guy consistently.  We pointed out the various weak spots in the relationship (talking down to her, Darth Vadering her) and encouraged her to leave before it was too late.  (He is not working and had started talking about them moving in together and having a kid right away so he could be a stay-at-home dad.  Translation: Shelley will support him.)  I think the baby talk scared her pretty badly and she started withdrawing from the relationship.  Darryl sensed her pulling away, he really start cranking up the "charm."  Flowers for no reason, showing up at work to take her lunch (which she paid for) and calling a lot more often.  All the while she was trying to find a way to break up with him.

He insisted on throwing a big party at his parents' house for her birthday, inviting her parents, both sets of siblings, aunts, uncles, etc.  He invited his friends, but not hers, because he knows we don't like him. In the middle of the party, he proposes in front of everybody.  Shelley's mom was overjoyed and cried out, "YES!!".  But Shelley said no.  She said that when she thought about being married to Darryl, her entire body went ice cold and she felt like throwing up.  She asked to speak to him privately.  He refused and said, "How can you say no to me in front of my whole family and yours?  Your mom wants you to say yes!  And I just threw you a party!" 

ETA: Forgot to add that when Darryl and Shelley finally moved their conversation to a private place, Darryl told her "You're just being a B----!"  Yeah, buddy, that's an awesome way to convince her to marry you.

So his motivations for a public proposal are pretty clear.  He didn't want her to get away from him, so he tried to trap her.  He thought she'd be too intimidated to say no in front of their families, particularly her mom.  Shelley's not dating Darryl any more.  He's playing the wounded baby deer. And Shelley's mom is furious with her. 

But Shelley's happier than I've seen her in years.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2013, 07:43:14 PM by weeblewobble »

Mental Magpie

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #69 on: April 16, 2013, 07:03:30 PM »
Go Shelley!
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

WillyNilly

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #70 on: April 16, 2013, 08:09:33 PM »
Please give Shelly a high five and hug from me. She's feeling happier then ever because she finally is taking control of her relationships on her terms. Good for her! If her mom likes Darryl so much, she (the mom) should take him in!

weeblewobble

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #71 on: April 16, 2013, 09:02:46 PM »
I think that Shelley will remain single for a while.  She's not one of those women who is always on the look for a relationship.   And I think her "close call" with being really and truly unhappy in order to keep peace with her mom scared the ever-loving heck out of her.

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #72 on: April 16, 2013, 09:39:42 PM »
Good choice, Shelley!
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lowspark

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #73 on: April 17, 2013, 09:13:55 AM »
Her mom's tactic of convincing Shelley to stay in bad rel@tionships longer than she should have has probably worked against her finding the right guy. Had she moved on from these creeps earlier, she might have been in a position to meet a nice guy that she might actually want to marry. Instead she squandered time in bad rel@tionships which were destined to go nowhere.

Sophia

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Re: Public Marriage Proposals
« Reply #74 on: April 17, 2013, 02:49:13 PM »
Plus, that HAS to do a number on your self-esteem when you own mother thinks current jerk is the best you can do.