Strange Encounter

[CaptainObvious]

I did not notify the manager, but I felt the least said to this man was best.

I only mentioned talking to the clerk because you said you were a regular. I go to the same gas station quite frequently and have developed a sort of banter with the clerks there. I would be comfortable mentioning how the guy over there is a bit off, and that maybe they could keep an eye on him.

[TamJamB]

 Ignore him. Then the rest of the day, tell everybody you see all about it, making it as funny as possible. Also do a Facebook status update about it; again, making it as funny as possible. Consider it a job well done when random friends start emailing you applications to foot-fetish porn sites.

At least that's what I would have done....

[Jeremy]

The advice I've always given my daughters about these sorts of situations is that if someone seems creepy or intrusive in some way they should ignore him, find the nearest sane-looking employee of wherever they happen to be at the time, and let them know about it.  Businesses generally don't want people harassing their customers, and most staff will do what they can to make you feel safer and get rid of somebody who's harassing you.  But the best thing you can do is not to respond to people like this, it only encourages them.

[Zilla]

You did perfectly, one word answers and complete disinterest.  If he is there again and he tries to say hello there, completely ignore him and don't make eye contact.  If he persists in talking with you, go to the clerk and ask for the manager still ignoring him.  But hopefully you won't run into him again!

[doodlemor]

I think that you should notify the manager, in case this creeper tends to hang out there.  From what I've read these people tend to escalate their behavior over time, so a heads up to the manager is in order.

I think that you handled this well, OP.

[TootsNYC]

You know, I don't think we should keep telling women to "ignore" creepy guys.

because there's no negative reinforcement.

I think we should teach them to loudly say, "I'm not interested in conversing with you. Leave me alone."

Then maybe these guys will learn to shut up, or to feel less free to impose their foot fetishes on total strangers.


My college-age DD is very focused on "the rape culture" lately, and she's got me thinking. I think we should stop ignoring stuff.

It's OK to sort of make other people aware, and to make the entire room a little bit uncomfortable. But of course, the rest of us in the room need to get mad at the guy, and not at the woman who objected to his overtures.

[Zilla]

You know, I don't think we should keep telling women to "ignore" creepy guys.

because there's no negative reinforcement.

I think we should teach them to loudly say, "I'm not interested in conversing with you. Leave me alone."

Then maybe these guys will learn to shut up, or to feel less free to impose their foot fetishes on total strangers.


My college-age DD is very focused on "the rape culture" lately, and she's got me thinking. I think we should stop ignoring stuff.

It's OK to sort of make other people aware, and to make the entire room a little bit uncomfortable. But of course, the rest of us in the room need to get mad at the guy, and not at the woman who objected to his overtures.

It isn't her job to educate a complete stranger.

[TootsNYC]

No, it's her job to defend herself.

[CaptainObvious]

No, it's her job to defend herself.

She did by removing herself from the situation. I really don't want to stand and have any kind of conversation with a man who lacks any kind of decency or respect. I would have serious doubts as to whether my words would have any impact or curb his behavior.

[Zilla]

No, it's her job to defend herself.

She did by removing herself from the situation. I really don't want to stand and have any kind of conversation with a man who lacks any kind of decency or respect. I would have serious doubts as to whether my words would have any impact.

Yep, and opening a dialog like that might make him fixate on her.  If he was a socially normal person, he would never have engage a woman like that commenting on her feet etc.  So that alone is a sign to stay away and not stand there and explain yourself or try to educate him for future encounters.

[Dalek]

I'm sure this creep has probably been yelled at by women before he encountered the OP. Like others, I believe he thrives on getting any response. I think the OP handled it perfectly. I'm not justifying the guy but I don't think she was in a situation where she had to physically defend herself. Sure it's always wise to be aware of your surroundings but not every creepy person is going to harm you. And I have been pretty weirded out by creepers in the past.
.

[Girly]

No, it's her job to defend herself.

She did by removing herself from the situation. I really don't want to stand and have any kind of conversation with a man who lacks any kind of decency or respect. I would have serious doubts as to whether my words would have any impact.

Yep, and opening a dialog like that might make him fixate on her.  If he was a socially normal person, he would never have engage a woman like that commenting on her feet etc.  So that alone is a sign to stay away and not stand there and explain yourself or try to educate him for future encounters.

I'm also not going to sit there and have a conversation with some creepy guy about how inappropriate his is being. I'd ignore him and walk away.

[Moray]

No, it's her job to defend herself.

She did by removing herself from the situation. I really don't want to stand and have any kind of conversation with a man who lacks any kind of decency or respect. I would have serious doubts as to whether my words would have any impact.

Yep, and opening a dialog like that might make him fixate on her.  If he was a socially normal person, he would never have engage a woman like that commenting on her feet etc.  So that alone is a sign to stay away and not stand there and explain yourself or try to educate him for future encounters.

I'm also not going to sit there and have a conversation with some creepy guy about how inappropriate his is being. I'd ignore him and walk away.

Same. There's a time and a place for education. This isn't it. Disengaging and exiting the situation is the appropriate response.

[oceanus]

I think the suggestion of getting police involved is way over the top.

I agree; unless he touched, threatened, followed, shouted obscenities, calling the police is a waste of their time.  This was a one-time incident.

Other than the first “NO”, saying anything at all to him is giving him what he wants – attention.  After a "NO" I wouldn't even acknowledge his existence.

[Firecat]

I can see what Toots is saying, and to an extent, I agree with her (with the caveat that the woman who is in the situation is the best judge of whether she feels safe speaking up, or feels that it's better to just walk away). Women are, by and large, socialized to be "nice" and "not make a scene." And that can work to our detriment in situations like this.

Sometimes it is best to speak up and say, loudly and firmly, "Leave me alone. I am not interested in talking to you." Not so much from an "educate the creep" perspective as from a "make the rest of the room aware that there's an issue" perspective. Although it seems to me that, if given that message often enough by enough women, some of these guys might start to re-think their approach. Or at least get the message that women aren't being intimidated by them anymore.