Author Topic: Strange Encounter  (Read 4216 times)

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Zilla

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Re: Strange Encounter
« Reply #45 on: January 10, 2013, 06:32:27 PM »
The self-defense training that I took (albeit nearly a dozen years ago!) encouraged a much more short "I don't know you. Go away." Honestly, saying much more is baiting the crazy person.
And the guy would take that as ooh she wants to know who I am and try to introduce themselves etc.


I think no matter what the OP did, this guy was determined to talk to her.  Ignoring IMO is best.  But as we are a huge variety of people, we each have our own scenario on how to handle it.  As for making a policy of saying, "Go Away"  all the time, I don't think they will deter pervs.  After all this is a person that thinks it's perfectly okay to tell a complete stranger that they like their feet. 

TylerBelle

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Re: Strange Encounter
« Reply #46 on: January 10, 2013, 06:55:37 PM »
OP I think you did fine. I agree with not speaking anything further than a "No," then ignore, and move away if possible. Of course you must go with whatever works best for you and the situation, although I heard once that saying something as, "Go away, leave me alone," is almost engaging them, giving a challenge to continue the harassment.
Always be on the lookout for wonder. --E.B. White

weeblewobble

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Re: Strange Encounter
« Reply #47 on: January 10, 2013, 07:00:49 PM »
In some cases, creeps like this are fishing for easy targets for harassment, groping or worse. Note that he asked "Are you going to make my coffee for me?"  in other words, "Are you going to be so caught-off-guard and submissive that you'll comply with a request for service from a total stranger?  And if so, how much further can I push you?"  It's the adult version of the "I've got a puppy in my unmarked van, would you like to come see it?"

OP, I think you handled it just fine.  If he had escalated or followed you to the parking lot, then it would have been time to alert management.  If this is a gas station you visit frequently, you might mention something to the clerk the next time you're in. I.e., "Hey, the last time I was here, there was a really creepy guy hanging out by the coffee station, talking about how pretty my feet were.  It was pretty gross and it made me feel unsafe."
« Last Edit: January 10, 2013, 07:05:21 PM by weeblewobble »

oceanus

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Re: Strange Encounter
« Reply #48 on: January 10, 2013, 07:03:59 PM »
Quote
"Go away, leave me alone," is almost engaging them, giving a challenge to continue the harassment.

Agree, and a loud diatribe of "Leave me alone, I'm not interested in a conversation with you" or some such thing rarely will rarely deter a perv, stalker, etc.  In fact, such behavior might make the target appear to be a nut.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2013, 11:01:06 PM by oceanus »

ladyknight1

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Re: Strange Encounter
« Reply #49 on: January 10, 2013, 08:35:45 PM »
Let's just say that I changed into jeans and sneakers after work, before going to the store!

I am a bit freaked out, but I am glad to put the whole strange encounter behind me. Once again, I am thankful for the support.

oceanus

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Re: Strange Encounter
« Reply #50 on: January 10, 2013, 09:16:12 PM »
Let's just say that I changed into jeans and sneakers after work, before going to the store!

I am a bit freaked out, but I am glad to put the whole strange encounter behind me. Once again, I am thankful for the support.

???

OP – just to clarify, (again)  ;) the only reason I asked how he saw your feet was because you mentioned his “feet” comment in your initial post.  In your reply you described in detail everything you were wearing head to toe, and I see again you’re talking about your attire.  I don’t think that matters, and I hope the issue doesn’t get obscured by a misinterpretation (on anyone's part) of what I asked and why.

i.e., It’s January, and in many areas of the country/world (including where I live) it’s very cold.  If the temperature is 5 degrees below zero, most people would not be wearing sandals, etc. (although if they chose to that would be their prerogative).  But, you’ve answered that it’s 80 degrees where you are.  So, according to what you said, your feet were visible.  Fine. 

I saw nothing wrong with your outfit at the store, and I see no reason for you to change clothes before going to the store.
« Last Edit: January 10, 2013, 09:20:44 PM by oceanus »

ladyknight1

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Re: Strange Encounter
« Reply #51 on: January 10, 2013, 09:21:44 PM »
I felt a bit self-conscious after this morning's events. I don't feel anyone in the thread was being critical about my attire.

oceanus

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Re: Strange Encounter
« Reply #52 on: January 10, 2013, 09:23:39 PM »
Thanks, nice of you to say that.  And really, you did nothing wrong.  Hope you never run into the guy again.

Layne

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Re: Strange Encounter
« Reply #53 on: January 11, 2013, 05:27:36 AM »
I can see what Toots is saying, and to an extent, I agree with her (with the caveat that the woman who is in the situation is the best judge of whether she feels safe speaking up, or feels that it's better to just walk away). Women are, by and large, socialized to be "nice" and "not make a scene." And that can work to our detriment in situations like this.

Sometimes it is best to speak up and say, loudly and firmly, "Leave me alone. I am not interested in talking to you." Not so much from an "educate the creep" perspective as from a "make the rest of the room aware that there's an issue" perspective. Although it seems to me that, if given that message often enough by enough women, some of these guys might start to re-think their approach. Or at least get the message that women aren't being intimidated by them anymore.

I can see the point of ignoring, but I also agree with TootsNYC and Firecat on speaking out against unwanted attention.

Some years ago, a friend of mine related an incident to me. She was alone at a bar, waiting for her friend. Intrusive Stranger approached her and tried to hit on her. She wasn't interested, turned away and ignored him, hoping he would get the message. Intrusive Stranger kept going on though, and his "pick-up" line got more vulgar. She got up from her seat and was about to leave when he grabbed her arm and said "Hey, I'm talking to you.". Friend got a shock and loudly yelled "Let go of me! Leave me alone!", which got the attention of nearby patrons. Intrusive Stranger immediately let go when he saw everyone staring at him, and hurriedly left the table. Friend mentioned a few patrons started giving Intrusive Stranger dirty looks, and a staff approached her after he heard her outburst. Friend explained what happened, but before the staff could ask Intrusive Stranger to leave, he left the bar on his own. The creepy part was during the ordeal, Intrusive Stranger wasn't loud or rough, and he had a smile, so to others, it looked as though he was her friend. No one was sure if there was something off until she loudly called him out.

So for her case, ignoring didn't seem to work, but rather seemed to irritate the Intrusive Stranger. Friend regretted not announcing loudly to please leave her table to begin with, so that Intrusive Stranger would think twice in laying his hand on her when people nearby are aware of his intrusion. We were wondering how he could be so bold to touch her in a room full of people. It was quite likely he was counting on Friend to "not make a scene", so it gave him confidence to harass.

I think it works when there's a crowd. They would not be so daring when their actions are called out for all to be aware. If you're alone however, then maybe it's better to ignore and do your best to leave immediately. Situations will differ, so it's all about your own discretion :)