"You can give So and SO your old one!"

[Venus193]

I once found an article from 2004 stating that a third of lottery winners are bankrupt within five years.  The three reasons for this are:

• impulsive, uncontrolled spending
• lack of financial planning
• an abundance of greedy relatives and false friends

Fortunately -- just in case --  I no longer have any greedy relatives.

[Ceallach]

I once found an article from 2004 stating that a third of lottery winners are bankrupt within five years.  The three reasons for this are:

• impulsive, uncontrolled spending
• lack of financial planning
• an abundance of greedy relatives and false friends

Fortunately -- just in case --  I no longer have any greedy relatives.

It actually makes sense when you think about it - after all, the % of people I know who are bad with money or don't plan it out properly is quite high, easily a third.    There are also a lot of people who don't really have a concept of how much money is in this day and age.  I know people who think one million dollars is enough to never work a day in their lives - which is true, but not if they also plan on living a life of luxury and splurging on a fancy house, cars, champagne living and throwing money at their friends and relatives!     (If I won just one million dollars I'd use it to live the luxury lifestyle AND keep working part-time to pay for day to day living.  That would be awesome!)

I have friends who are baffled at the fairly comfortable life DH and I enjoy, but it's not rocket science, we just didn't spend money we didn't have when we didn't have it, so now we have money.... and we planned, saved, prepared, worked hard etc.  Once upon a time we were struggling, now we're not.   My brother and SIL have quite a few things that are "nicer" than ours - cars, furniture, toys etc and have had for a long time.   But they're also now wallowing in debt and can't afford some of the big things they'd like in life.   DH and I have gradually caught up, kind of like a tortoise and hare scenario, we've put in the hard yards but it's paying off.   If they won lottery I know they would be super generous (they've already showered us with gifts for our soon to be born baby, they have huge hearts and are super generous!!) but they'd definitely be the ones who blew it all within a year or so sadly.    (I'd like to think that if they won money they'd consult my Dad and he'd help them setup a savings plan to ensure they didn't lose all of it, but in reality that might not happen!)   Ah well, we each have our own path to tread.

[ladyknight1]

DH and I have calculated how much we would have to win, after taxes, before I could quit my job. The benefits alone are worth keeping it for anything less than a $2 million dollar award. However, my life outside of work would be significantly improved.

I know two completely different people who left their career because of a large inheritance and then had to spend most of it for a medical issue.

[weeblewobble]

I once found an article from 2004 stating that a third of lottery winners are bankrupt within five years.  The three reasons for this are:

• impulsive, uncontrolled spending
• lack of financial planning
• an abundance of greedy relatives and false friends

Fortunately -- just in case --  I no longer have any greedy relatives.

It actually makes sense when you think about it - after all, the % of people I know who are bad with money or don't plan it out properly is quite high, easily a third.    There are also a lot of people who don't really have a concept of how much money is in this day and age.  I know people who think one million dollars is enough to never work a day in their lives - which is true, but not if they also plan on living a life of luxury and splurging on a fancy house, cars, champagne living and throwing money at their friends and relatives!     (If I won just one million dollars I'd use it to live the luxury lifestyle AND keep working part-time to pay for day to day living.  That would be awesome!)

I have friends who are baffled at the fairly comfortable life DH and I enjoy, but it's not rocket science, we just didn't spend money we didn't have when we didn't have it, so now we have money.... and we planned, saved, prepared, worked hard etc.  Once upon a time we were struggling, now we're not.   My brother and SIL have quite a few things that are "nicer" than ours - cars, furniture, toys etc and have had for a long time.   But they're also now wallowing in debt and can't afford some of the big things they'd like in life.   DH and I have gradually caught up, kind of like a tortoise and hare scenario, we've put in the hard yards but it's paying off.

POD.  I got into a rather lucrative side business which is now my full-time job.  There are a lot of assumptions among friends and family about how much money this brings in for my family.  And for the first few years I was involved in it, we heard a lot of comments about how lucky we were to have "all that money" rolling in.  That was my first hint that they thought we were making a LOT more than we were.*  They made comments about what they would do with "all that money" including fancy vacations, new homes, new cars, boats, renovations, etc. 

Now, we hear how surprised they are that we still live in the same, nice-but-not-extravagant house, drive cars that are several years old, only take one vacation per year, and don't buy things like fancy handbags or "toys." And there's a reason why - We don't want to be super-comfortable now, only to suffer in our old age.  My new "full-time" job has no retirement plan, so i have to save for that. We have two kids we need to put through college. And there's no reason to buy a new home or cars, when the ones we have now are functional and paid for.   

And we don't listen to the "If I had your" and the "It sure would be nice" statements.  They can drive you crazy.

[MissRose]

Those would be the times for the complete silence or the "why would i do that" responses.

If I won anything significant financially in the lottery, raffle, or gambling that was made public, I would not tell people as: my mother would be insistent that I invest and save 99.9% (not a bad idea but I would like to go a few places first & get a small house instead of the apartment I live in now), and of course some of the long lost family members who seldom keep in touch who would beg for money.

[Venus193]

Spin-off time....

[Amava]

Even though at first sight it may seem like the lottery posts are veering a little off-topic, when one thinks of it, it all boils down to the same problem:

People who think they get a say in what other people do with their property - whether they have won it, worked for it, bought it, created it.
The simple truth is that no, they don't get a say, but they sure seem to have trouble wrapping their minds around that fact.
As I see it, there are two kinds of people who sort of assume it is their place to "help decide" what to do with other people's belongings, and who insist on "sharing":
- the real moochers who, if /they/ had something, would never share it, but who will gladly take every hand-out and who will pout when no such hand-out materialises
and
- the people who are truely kind-hearted and would share everything they have, and come from that mindset in assuming everyone is just like them; they are well-meaning, but misguided and can be rather intrusive and overstepping.

The first are the worst, but both are wrong. What belongs to you, belongs to you, no guilt needed, no explanation needed, and sharing is beautiful but remains a courtesy and not an obligation.

[TootsNYC]

Even though at first sight it may seem like the lottery posts are veering a little off-topic, when one thinks of it, it all boils down to the same problem:

People who think they get a say in what other people do with their property - whether they have won it, worked for it, bought it, created it.

Which is, in fact, what "coveting" is.

I used to struggle with the definition of "coveting."
"Wanting what someone else has" never seemed all that bad, to me. He's got a nice house; i want one too!

So I thought it was "wanting the exact thing someone has bad enough to try to get it from them, either by scheming or by guilting them, etc."

Then I realize it's ALSO "getting too wrapped up in someone else's possessions, time, life, etc. Trying to control it as if it is yours."

And the reason it's in the 10 commandments is because it is VERY bad *for you*.
And one reason for that is that it's very bad for your relationships with other people.

[siamesecat2965]

I'm also amazed at the entitlement of some people. Just because you replace something, doesn't mean that THEY deserve your old one. I have a basic Kindle. It's my second one. My first one was the Kindle Keyboard, and I bought my current one, on a whim, as a refurb., with a coupon from AmazonLocal. So it cost me very little.

I was amazed at several people thinking I'd just hand over my old one to them!  What I ended up doing with it, is giving it to my mom, who wasn't even sure she wanted it!  I finally told her, take it, play with it, if you don't like it, give it back. Of course she didn't hate it, but she never asked, so I was happy to give it to her.

I am now awaiting delivery (today) of my new Kindle Fire. I've had some of the same people ask me what I'm doing with my "old" one. I told them, they are different (in many ways) devices, so nothing. I'm keeping them both. I won't take the fire to the beach, pool, or anywhere else it could get damaged, so I need the cheaper, more easibly replaceable, Kindle for that.

[Outdoor Girl]

I don't think I deserve EHell for this one but you'll have to let me know.

My oldest nephew got a new iPod.  He had an old MP3 player that he would no longer be using.  So I told him, 'If you don't have a use for your old MP3 player, I'd be interested.  My birthday's coming up.   '

So while he didn't get any money from it, he did save on the cost of buying me a birthday present.  When he gave it to me, he took all his music off, showed me how to use it and how to download my music onto it.  I don't use it a whole lot but it is nice to have.  And I had to supply my own headphones because he wanted to keep the earbuds.  Which was fine by me because I don't like earbuds.

[Bluenomi]

Don't you love family entitlement 

I had a car that my parents bought me after they sold their car to move overseas. They were leaving me behind since I was at uni and didn't want to leave me with my old bomb so got me a brand new car. It was registered in Dad's name but I paid all the bills for it.

When I got a new car 11 years later I asked Dad if they wanted it back or any money that I got for selling it. I had a sister learning to drive at the time and another one was going to be able to learn soon so thought my car might be useful for them. Dad asked driving sister if she wanted to buy it and she said no. So Dad said since I'd paid all the bills, I could sell it and keep the money (which wasn't much partly because it had a huge dint on it where driving sister drove Dad's car into it)

Driving sister had a fit when she found out that she wasn't getting my car. Apparently she should have gotten it for free since my parents had bought me the car and she should be intitled to it as well. Dad just laughed at her, she had her chance as far as he was concerned to buy it and turned the offer down so was out of luck.

5 years later and sister still hasn't gotten around to getting her licence. Other sister did and my parents bought her a cheap car which really annoyed the other sister 

[Tiamet]

Don't you love family entitlement 

I had a car that my parents bought me after they sold their car to move overseas. They were leaving me behind since I was at uni and didn't want to leave me with my old bomb so got me a brand new car. It was registered in Dad's name but I paid all the bills for it.

When I got a new car 11 years later I asked Dad if they wanted it back or any money that I got for selling it. I had a sister learning to drive at the time and another one was going to be able to learn soon so thought my car might be useful for them. Dad asked driving sister if she wanted to buy it and she said no. So Dad said since I'd paid all the bills, I could sell it and keep the money (which wasn't much partly because it had a huge dint on it where driving sister drove Dad's car into it)

Driving sister had a fit when she found out that she wasn't getting my car. Apparently she should have gotten it for free since my parents had bought me the car and she should be intitled to it as well. Dad just laughed at her, she had her chance as far as he was concerned to buy it and turned the offer down so was out of luck.

5 years later and sister still hasn't gotten around to getting her licence. Other sister did and my parents bought her a cheap car which really annoyed the other sister 

I can actually see her point here - it appears your parents were happy to pay for cars for you and your other sister, but expected your second sister to pay for a car?  I'm sure there is back story here, but as it stands from your post, it seems she is being treated differently to her siblings for some reason and I can see why she was upset, particularly if your father laughed at her for expecting to have her parents to buy her a car when they had already bought a newer car for her older sibling.

I'd be very upset too.

[NyaChan]

I'm a little confused as well - when you say you paid for the bills, do you mean you paid for the car or that you covered repairs and insurance by yourself?  If nothing else, it seems the other sister did receive a car free and clear, so I can see why she would be upset.  For example, my parents bought my sister a used car to drive & also gave her their used, but nice car to replace it.  I didn't get a used car in high school and there were no extra cars to give after she got their extra.  If they laughed at me for suggesting that I should get that first used car, I would be upset too as my sister received 2 used cars from them and I would have received nothing comparable.  In actuality my parents bought me a new car in college to even things out, and my sister did grumble a bit about not having ever gotten a new car until she was reminded that she had gotten two different cars & much earlier than I got a car of my own.

[Bluenomi]

I'm a little confused as well - when you say you paid for the bills, do you mean you paid for the car or that you covered repairs and insurance by yourself?  If nothing else, it seems the other sister did receive a car free and clear, so I can see why she would be upset.  For example, my parents bought my sister a used car to drive & also gave her their used, but nice car to replace it.  I didn't get a used car in high school and there were no extra cars to give after she got their extra.  If they laughed at me for suggesting that I should get that first used car, I would be upset too as my sister received 2 used cars from them and I would have received nothing comparable.  In actuality my parents bought me a new car in college to even things out, and my sister did grumble a bit about not having ever gotten a new car until she was reminded that she had gotten two different cars & much earlier than I got a car of my own.

I paid the rego, insurance and serivces for the car which would have ended up being as much as the cost of the car was by the time I sold it. My parents paid for the car because they were moving to the other side of the world and leaving me homeless pretty much (I had to move into uni accomadation and pay for that instead of being able to leave at home rent free)

Sister who got a car got a very cheap used car and paid all costs on it once it was bought. Part of the reason she got it was because my parents got her to drive youngest sister around a lot and their cars weren't always avaliable. They didn't buy it until after she's been driving with a licence for a while and had a job to pay for the bills.

Other sister still (5 years later) doesn't have her licence so never needed her own car. Plus she refused to get a job to pay for petrol etc so asking her to pay for my car was a test. If she wasn't willing to pay for a car, my parents knew she wasn't going to every be willing to pay for anything to do with it. She would have never actually paid for the car, it was to see if she really wanted it.

Bascially she wanted something for free that she didn't really need just because I'd gotten one before her. She does this a lot. Other sister got a new laptop when she started uni, sister complained she didn't get one as well. Never mind she a) never went to uni b) already had a fairly new laptop my parents had bought her and c) had gone through 3 more laptops during high school than other sister.

[ShadowLady]

A close friend of mine inherited a sizable sum from her now deceased father ($3-400,000).

When I learned of that, 'congratulations' was the first word out of my mouth.  Next, I strongly advised her to see a financial planner, or if not, to sock at least half of it away into a retirement account, before deciding on any big purchases.

I will admit I jokingly said I would accept any donation towards buying me an iPad, and we both laughed, and it was never again mentioned.


When my husband gets various new electronic toys, the question does go around the family if he is giving the old one away.  So far, I got his Kindle when he got his original iPad with Kindle reading software on it.  And when he got an iPad2, he gave his iPad 1 to his father, after I turned it down.  Hubby's sister bought her own kindle after he gave his to me,   No ill-feelings from anyone, thankfully, but then his family are really nice people.