Family Video Situation

[Thipu1]

MIL is in her mid 90s.  She is in good health but, understandably, she's concerned about her passing.  As a result, she wants the four generations of the family to get together this summer for a long weekend at a quiet resort for Some quality time. 

While we're all together, MIL wants to have a video made which will be shown at her memorial service.  Each family member will be filmed announcing her or his relationship to MIL and give a short speech.  The idea is that MIL wants the people with whom she lives to 'know her family'.

Everyone is on board with this and the gathering does sound like fun.  Still, it poses two big problems for me.

I stutter.  It isn't too obvious in ordinary life but I know that if I'm being filmed, I will encounter terrible blocks just trying to say my name, let alone say something nice about MIL.  I also detest
being photographed. 

I have plenty of nice things to say about MIL and we have months to work this out but it's already starting to make me nervous.  Stutterers know that this anxiety is not going to help matters.

Any suggestions from the good folks here would be welcome. 

[Sharnita]

Any chance you could pre-record your segment at home, in an emvironmemt where you are more comfortable?

[Virg]

The easiest thing to do with this is to do your segment ahead of time, so you don't get caught up in being put on the spot.  There's no rule that says you must turn in your performance at this weekend and only at this weekend, and you can do a zillion takes and editing aplenty to work up your segment if you've got months to work on it.  Doing ten seconds at a stretch is one way I've seen someone with speech problems and severe stage fright get through it, and the end result came out nicely.  Once the "performance" isn't an issue, dealing with performance anxiety becomes much easier, and I presume someone's going to have to do a lot of editing anyway to assemble the finished product, so I can't imagine that giving your segment over on a thumb drive while others are filming is going to present the final editor with any insurmountable problems.

Virg

[Thipu1]

Unfortunately, that isn't an option.

  MIL wants the video to be shot in a beautiful garden on the grounds of the resort.

[Tabby Uprising]

Hmmm, could you be filmed alongside your DH while he reads something you prepared in advance?  Not perfect maybe, but your MIL gets your tribute and your image even if DH is the one reciting your thoughts.

Or what if your DH "interviewed" you about MIL?  Would you be more comfortable with that dynamic? 

DH: Thipu, what is your favorite memory of MIL?
Thipu:  I always smile when I think about the time she successfully juggled 12 cats...

[CL32]

Hi, I'm sorry--that sound very stressful.

Would writing and rehearsing your dialogue help? If you practice it and know it like the back of your hand, would you be less likely to stutter.

I don't stutter, so I can't directly relate to your situation, but I do get terribly nervous with public speaking and I find that when I'm super-comfortable with the material, it's much easier. I hope that help.

[artk2002]

"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" "Practice, my friend, practice."

Practice is your friend here. Write out what you want to say and practice it, in front of a mirror. Do this for 15 minutes a day between now and the taping. Towards the end, practice in front of your own video camera and look at the results. Do this over and over.

Will this cure your stuttering? Very unlikely, but it will make things flow better. The thing is, your stutter is part of you. Heck, if you've got an anecdote that involves your MIL and you stuttering, put that in your speech.

[Eden]

Hmmm, could you be filmed alongside your DH while he reads something you prepared in advance?  Not perfect maybe, but your MIL gets your tribute and your image even if DH is the one reciting your thoughts.

I like this suggestion

[m2kbug]

Well, I wonder if someone could just have a conversation with you and do a voice recording that is out of your sight.  You feel comfortable just talking.  And perhaps this could be done outside this garden, at home, and do a voice-over type thing.  Even your aversion to being photographed, you could probably manage a couple still photographs at this garden and in this video, also include still shots of MIL while your words play in the background.  Another thing, just have a conversation with someone while someone else is filming, and as you relax, start discussion about your MIL, then cut out the rest of the conversation on this video that is irrelevant later, when the video is being put together.  Just writing it down, practicing, repeating, and memorizing might help. 

[BeagleMommy]

Thipu, would it help if you wrote out your statement and held the paper below the camera level?

[buvezdevin]

Great suggestions from others, and adding to the thought of "co-presenting" with your DH, if you go that route, perhaps bring some "visual aids" that would allow you to be actively involved while perhaps speaking less.  I find i am less anxious when speaking/presenting if i also have something to be *doing* while speaking, referencing charts, displays, etc.

DH:  hello, I am DH, and this is Thipu1.  MIL is my mother, and Thipu1 has been MIL's daughter in law for x years.  One of our favorite memories is [a photographed experience, or a gift from MIL].
Thipu1:  [holds up photo, or gift item]
Both DH and Thipu1 discuss the memory, etc.

[Betelnut]

Or have the video professionally shot and have him/her edit out the bad sections.  You are probably aren't the only one who is already worried about doing this!

[heartmug]

Hmmm, could you be filmed alongside your DH while he reads something you prepared in advance?  Not perfect maybe, but your MIL gets your tribute and your image even if DH is the one reciting your thoughts.

I like this suggestion

Me too.  You can smile and nod to show that the words are from both of you.  Then, maybe, at the end you can add just one sentence like "We love you MIL."

[TootsNYC]

do you have a coach or therapist you could work with on relaxation techniques, etc.?
Of course you don't necessarily need it for regular life, but the cognitive behavior stuff I've done for depression seems that it could be useful for a stutterer, too.

[Zilla]

I would contact your mil and ask if you can film your portion in a garden setting close to your home where you are comfortable.  She is aware of your stutter and discomfort in front of a camera?


Or else I do like the idea of just sitting next to your husband and smiling/nodding along.