General Etiquette > general

Statements about my cat - rude?

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pearls n purls:
I have a cat that often pees on the carpet.  My mother is driving me nuts because she keeps saying we should put him down.  (He did have some medical issues last year and about a dozen trips to the vet, and while his life span is likely going to be shorter, he's not in pain and appears to be a very happy kitty.)

I generally bean dip, but the comments upset me.  My mom has gotten worse lately as my dh and I will have a baby soon.  She send me emails complaining about the cats in my home and telling me what we should do about it.  Putting the cats down or kicking them out of the house are not options.


--- Quote from: TootsNYC on January 10, 2013, 10:26:11 AM ---I think part of what those people are saying is that they don't really want to hear that much about it.

So the best solution is to not go into such detail about your cats' lives.

Think about this: If they WERE your actual children, would you talk in such detail about the fact that they wet the bed? I wouldn't; I'd respect their privacy more.

So if your cats are your kids, maybe you shouldn't reveal quite so much about this.

(and you *have* had her checked out by the vet, yes?)

--- End quote ---

I agree with this and I am a crazy cat lady.

I don't talk about my cats or my child unless I am with people that are genuinely interested. I guess that's true with everything. Movies, hobbies, family, etc...

I just dont think these people are interested.

Ambrosia Hino:
I have one cat with some issues as well. And I have firm beliefs that when taking on a pet, its a lifelong commitment.

Kali used to pee everywhere. She prefered plastic-y things on the floor, but occasionally would pee on my bed. Finally, one day she did that while I was still sleeping in the bed, and I took her to the vet, because that just wasn't normal. Yes, it took me awhile, I was pretty broke at the time. Turns out, she had a rather nasty UTI that took several rounds of meds to knock out. Now, we have an agreement - I keep puppy training pads around the litter box, and when she doesn't like the look of it, she pees there (that started because of an elderly kitty who we just have one that unleashed chemical warfare in there). If its "too terrible" for whatever reason, she pees in my bathtub instead. The litterbox is changed regularly - sometimes she's doing this even just a few hours later due to StinkyKitty.

I've only had a few people make negative comments about her or any of my pets. There were a few during her "pee on everything" stage, which I just kept responding that I was trying to come up with money for a visit to the vet. The ones that used to be the least understanding, now have pets of their own (dogs, but still) and are "get it" now. I just started having long-term pets very early on (thank you Mom!)

OP here!

I didn't mean to make it sound like I talk about this a lot - usually, the topic came up because a guest was about to sit on the couch, and I wanted to warn them to check that the couch was OK.  There was a time when things would be fine at the start of a visit, we'd leave the room, and the cat might go on the couch (not always possible to shut the cat away during a visit).  I was terribly self-conscious about the chance that someone could have their clothes soiled.  So I'd warn them to check, and I'd talk about how we were trying to solve the problem.   Should I have said nothing and let them sit down and chance them sitting on piddle?  It was a conundrum.   Now that it isn't happening so much, I don't feel the need to warn everyone the same way.

But the point is taken about not talking about it to people (which really has tapered off already, anyway).

And Nyachan, I apologize, I did not mean to imply that giving away the cat means you don't love them.  I know (better than some, I bet!) how difficult the situation is, and I really do recognize that sometimes really hard decisions have to be made.  My upset isn't about people who've had to make such a difficult choice, it's about people who heard about the problem and think it's OK to say very flippantly that I should boot my cat out of the house (letting her starve to death as a cat who can't hunt for herself) or just outright put her to sleep, when they know very well that such options would be really painful (if not impossible) for me to consider.

--  Oh, and we have taken her to the vet, who couldn't find anything wrong medically and said it certainly seemed behavioral.  I really think it starts because the litterbox isn't cleaned well while we're away.  Every time she's peed on the couch the last two months, the litter hadn't been cleaned in three days or so.  So we'll have to clean more frequently, and have the cat-watchers clean the litter when we're away.

(two replies while posting)

This is a sore spot for me. I probably wouldn't be able to help myself from launching into a spiel about how pets are not accessories, they're members of the family and a lifetime commitment, etc. Maybe not ehell approved, but I doubt I'd hear anymore about it from that person.

I do like the phrase you've been using and I see nothing wrong with adding, "I don't find such talk helpful or kind."


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