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Author Topic: Statements about my cat - rude?  (Read 15119 times)

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Bexx27

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #75 on: January 13, 2013, 08:47:11 AM »
You're still making those comments about your kid and your cat. Some comments are perfectly acceptable for the owner/parent to make, and completely out of line for anybody else.

Besides, bansidhe didn't say that everybody who made such comments were serious - just that it couldn't be assumed that nobody were serious either.

I think you're seeing offence where none was intended. She in no way called you an abuser.

This. I said earlier that I wouldn't necessarily take these comments as a joke, mostly because it's fairly commonplace for people to give away or euthanize cats for litter box problems. If someone states that they would do something it's not unusual to do, why would I assume they don't mean it? I would only think it was a joke if they indicated they were joking in some way, such as tone or expression. But, I also wouldn't appreciate a violent "joke" directed at a member of my family. How is "you should have your cat put down" supposed to be funny?

I also want to clarify that I don't think giving up a cat for this behavior makes someone a horrible person. (Giving up a cat because it no longer matches your decor probably does, though.) It is a serious problem and I have a lot of sympathy for those dealing with it. My previous post was just pointing out that lots of people give up cats for this reason, so I wouldn't assume someone was joking if they suggested doing that.
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. -George Washington Carver

ettiquit

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #76 on: January 13, 2013, 10:14:10 AM »
Since I know two people who have euthanized cats for litter box issues, and zero people who have skinned their children alive for drawing on the walls, I can't assume that someone is kidding when they suggest I put down my cat. 


I'm glad one of the posters here found a farm to take her cat - that's a great idea!  I'll keep that in mind the next time I know someone who wants to get rid of their cat for this problem.

gen xer

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #77 on: January 13, 2013, 11:13:44 AM »
Since I know two people who have euthanized cats for litter box issues, and zero people who have skinned their children alive for drawing on the walls, I can't assume that someone is kidding when they suggest I put down my cat. 


I'm glad one of the posters here found a farm to take her cat - that's a great idea!  I'll keep that in mind the next time I know someone who wants to get rid of their cat for this problem.

You're right....lots of people wouldn't be kidding about putting down a cat for that reason and I agree that it is rude and insensitive to tell someone to do so.  It's their decision on how to handle their pet issues.

I can see how someone could take such a suggestion seriously but I would hope that people understand that most people who make a regretful decision to put down an animal are not in the same category as an abuser.  I have made such exaggerated statements about my cats ( and my kids - the kids know I'm joking ) but although I have been in the position of putting a pet down I would never abuse or hurt an animal.

The type that say things like "I could shoot all cats" or "I would kick it across the room" are insensitive and rude to their audience but not everyone takes pets quite as seriously.  Some think of them as their children.  Some don't - I don't in fact....but that comes from growing up on a farm.  I learned quickly not to get too attached to something I might be eating for supper one day!!!

ettiquit

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #78 on: January 13, 2013, 11:55:24 AM »
Since I know two people who have euthanized cats for litter box issues, and zero people who have skinned their children alive for drawing on the walls, I can't assume that someone is kidding when they suggest I put down my cat. 


I'm glad one of the posters here found a farm to take her cat - that's a great idea!  I'll keep that in mind the next time I know someone who wants to get rid of their cat for this problem.

You're right....lots of people wouldn't be kidding about putting down a cat for that reason and I agree that it is rude and insensitive to tell someone to do so.  It's their decision on how to handle their pet issues.

I can see how someone could take such a suggestion seriously but I would hope that people understand that most people who make a regretful decision to put down an animal are not in the same category as an abuser.  I have made such exaggerated statements about my cats ( and my kids - the kids know I'm joking ) but although I have been in the position of putting a pet down I would never abuse or hurt an animal.

The type that say things like "I could shoot all cats" or "I would kick it across the room" are insensitive and rude to their audience but not everyone takes pets quite as seriously.  Some think of them as their children.  Some don't - I don't in fact....but that comes from growing up on a farm.  I learned quickly not to get too attached to something I might be eating for supper one day!!!

Right - I wouldn't label people who put their pets down for reasons like this "abusers".  And really, I'd be more likely to take a "kick your cat across the room" comment as a joke than one about euthanization.  It's still not a funny joke though.

To the bolded - that's definitely a perspective to keep in mind!   :)

AngelBarchild

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #79 on: January 13, 2013, 04:15:15 PM »
You're still making those comments about your kid and your cat. Some comments are perfectly acceptable for the owner/parent to make, and completely out of line for anybody else.

Besides, bansidhe didn't say that everybody who made such comments were serious - just that it couldn't be assumed that nobody were serious either.

I think you're seeing offence where none was intended. She in no way called you an abuser.

I do in fact threaten to throttle my nephews in front of their parents. The kids run laughing out of the room screaming "she's going to eat me!". I also tell a friend of mine I'm going to skin her cat for mittens if he won't stop attacking my pant leg every time I walk through a doorway. She just laughs and tells me he's to scraggly to make good mittens. He (the cat) gives me an indignant look. My friends and family enjoy this kind of gallows humor. That's why the whole thing is a know your audience situation.

"I also completely don't buy the theory that people who say stuff like this wouldn't actually do what they're suggesting"  There is no quantifier, no some people, no most people, just people. You can't make a blanket statement like that and not expect some people to get offended.

edgypeanuts

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #80 on: January 13, 2013, 06:01:24 PM »
I HATE the phrase "get rid of" a cat or animal.  Why are they so often referred to as if you were trying to get rid of lice or fleas?  Many people make the mean comments toward cats NOT in jest.  As the OP was did not seem to think they were kidding, it was inappropriate. 

I see about 2 cats a week for urinating out of the box.  I cannot solve the problem for ~2 a YEAR.  Most of the time the cat is scared or unhappy with the accommodations and the owners are accidentally making mistakes that encourage out of box use.  Yet, I still hear very frequently- we HAD to get rid of her, she kept peeing on the floor- from people who will not even make simple accommodations (like my brother who would not put a litterbox on the floor for his 14yr old cat and was mad that she would jump up to the dryer to eat but not to use the box.  She had painful knees, what was her alternative, to starve to death?) 
There seems to be a assumption among many people that when a pet is inconvenient or doesn't do what you want you "get rid of" her/her.  I think people should be called out on these comments because it is not OK.

To pass along to those with kitties:
Most cats prefer unscented scoop-able litters. Using a strongly perfumed litter may discourage litter box use. Some cats have a strong preference for certain brands/types of litter, so you may need to find out what your cat wants to use.

Most standard litter boxes are not large enough for the average cat. A litter box should be 1 to 2 times as long as the cat. For most cats this means using a plastic Rubbermaid-type container as a litter box. The boxes made for under the bed storage work great, or you can choose one with higher sides if your cat tends to spill litter out of the box.

If the litterbox has a cover it is smaller to the cat as their head cannot be up and out over the side.

Many cats do not like plastic litter box liners.

If your cats are having litter box issues- add another box. The general rule is 1 more box than the number of cats and 1 on each level of the house. Some cats do not require this many, but if problems are occurring it may help. Some single cat will prefer to have 2 boxes as they don't always want to urinate and defecate in the same place.

In households with multiple animals, make sure there is easy access to resources (boxes and food) without having to 'cross' a family member they do not get along with.

For older cats- have nightlights around so they can see their way to the box at night.

Litter boxes should be scooped regularly (a few times a week to daily if needed) and the box should be emptied and washed at least once a month.

If any cat suddenly stops using the box- go see your vet and have a urinalysis checked to be sure they are not have issues with infection or crystals.
« Last Edit: January 13, 2013, 06:05:02 PM by edgypeanuts »

MariaE

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #81 on: January 14, 2013, 12:04:31 AM »
"I also completely don't buy the theory that people who say stuff like this wouldn't actually do what they're suggesting"  There is no quantifier, no some people, no most people, just people. You can't make a blanket statement like that and not expect some people to get offended.

Granted, English isn't my first language, but I see the 'some' as being implied in this sentence. Otherwise it would have read 'all people' or 'everybody'.

And when there is an option to read a sentence in two ways, and one is insulting but the other isn't, why not go with the one that isn't?
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

gen xer

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #82 on: January 14, 2013, 05:13:42 PM »
I HATE the phrase "get rid of" a cat or animal.  Why are they so often referred to as if you were trying to get rid of lice or fleas?  Many people make the mean comments toward cats NOT in jest.  As the OP was did not seem to think they were kidding, it was inappropriate. 

I see about 2 cats a week for urinating out of the box.  I cannot solve the problem for ~2 a YEAR.  Most of the time the cat is scared or unhappy with the accommodations and the owners are accidentally making mistakes that encourage out of box use.  Yet, I still hear very frequently- we HAD to get rid of her, she kept peeing on the floor- from people who will not even make simple accommodations (like my brother who would not put a litterbox on the floor for his 14yr old cat and was mad that she would jump up to the dryer to eat but not to use the box.  She had painful knees, what was her alternative, to starve to death?) 
There seems to be a assumption among many people that when a pet is inconvenient or doesn't do what you want you "get rid of" her/her.  I think people should be called out on these comments because it is not OK.

To pass along to those with kitties:
Most cats prefer unscented scoop-able litters. Using a strongly perfumed litter may discourage litter box use. Some cats have a strong preference for certain brands/types of litter, so you may need to find out what your cat wants to use.

Most standard litter boxes are not large enough for the average cat. A litter box should be 1 to 2 times as long as the cat. For most cats this means using a plastic Rubbermaid-type container as a litter box. The boxes made for under the bed storage work great, or you can choose one with higher sides if your cat tends to spill litter out of the box.

If the litterbox has a cover it is smaller to the cat as their head cannot be up and out over the side.

Many cats do not like plastic litter box liners.

If your cats are having litter box issues- add another box. The general rule is 1 more box than the number of cats and 1 on each level of the house. Some cats do not require this many, but if problems are occurring it may help. Some single cat will prefer to have 2 boxes as they don't always want to urinate and defecate in the same place.

In households with multiple animals, make sure there is easy access to resources (boxes and food) without having to 'cross' a family member they do not get along with.

For older cats- have nightlights around so they can see their way to the box at night.

Litter boxes should be scooped regularly (a few times a week to daily if needed) and the box should be emptied and washed at least once a month.

If any cat suddenly stops using the box- go see your vet and have a urinalysis checked to be sure they are not have issues with infection or crystals.

The suggestions are a great idea for someone going through this.  I really hope it helps someone who might otherwise have to make a painful suggestion.  I wish they had been offered to me....as it was we took the cat to the vet and they checked for UTI's etc and also prescribed some kind of sedative.  Unfortunately nothing seemed to work.

I have to say though....I would be hurt to hear someone say "You just don't care enough", "You're cruel and heartless" or my personal favourite "Would you get rid of your child for having accidents?"

To which I say "Of course I wouldn't get rid of my child!  It's a human being!!!  As such it is infinitely more important / priceless than a cat!" ( and I love cats )

I know some people abandon their pets at the first little  inconvenience and I don't agree with that.  They are not stuffed animals after all.  However a soiling problem can become extremely cost prohibitive if you have to be replacing furniture that has been ruined.  It is also a health concern if you have small children or you are pregnant.   Pets aren't the only thing people have a responsibility for....they also have a responsibility to the health and well-being of their family ( human family to be specific ) and to their financial situation.

bansidhe

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #83 on: January 14, 2013, 08:25:05 PM »
You're still making those comments about your kid and your cat. Some comments are perfectly acceptable for the owner/parent to make, and completely out of line for anybody else.

Besides, bansidhe didn't say that everybody who made such comments were serious - just that it couldn't be assumed that nobody were serious either.

I think you're seeing offence where none was intended. She in no way called you an abuser.

Thanks, MariaE (and a few others)! I couldn't make it back to this thread until now because I'm dealing with my own unfortunate animal situation, but you perfectly described my intent. :)
Esan ozenki!

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Venus193

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Re: Statements about my cat - rude?
« Reply #84 on: January 14, 2013, 09:49:53 PM »
"I don't find such talk helpful or kind."

When I hear people say horrible things about animals, specifically what people said to the OP, it makes me distance myself from them. Even if someone feels that way, wouldn't they have enough self-control to not say something so horrible?

yeah, that's an important point!

I have one particular co-worker who seems to have a trigger on the word 'cat' that makes him launch into awful descriptions of how he hates cats, wants to kick/hurt them, likes using them as target practice etc. I stopped talking to him almost entirely, since it certainly changed my perception of him, and I don't really feel like discovering other things that he hates and wants to rant about.

I wonder if a person could say, "I'm glad to know that about you. It shapes my opinion of you quite a bit. I like to be accurate in my impressions of other people's capability for cruelty."

I'm with both ladyknight and Toots on this one. 

While I'd love to be able to say "I don't find such talk helpful or kind." I feel as though this is inadequate.  People who make remarks like this aren't trying to be either.  While I don't normally assume that people are cruel by default rather than kind, I've been on the receiving end of enough cruel remarks in my life (and not just about my cats) that this is a natural conclusion for me.

When I hear things like this I don't cry; I get angry.