Statements about my cat - rude?

[lisat]

I don't know where you live but back in one of your posts you mentioned that the cat only seemed to have issues using the litter box when you were away. I believe that there is on the market now an automated litter box that cleans itself after every use. Maybe something like that would help for when you go away on your trips. 

[delabela]

You know, I'm a cat lady like many of you.  My pets are my buds, and I take very seriously my commitment to them.  Just this week I spoon fed my old guy because he's been sick and it's the only way he would eat.  We've also dealt with the inappropriate urination (and spent more money washing a large comforter than I care to admit).  I could see saying something stupid about tossing the cat outside or something like that as a bad joke.  In fact, I know I've threatened to toss one of them out on her furry behind - but she's curled up next to me right now.  So, I guess I would make the assumption that people saying those things were kidding, or just didn't know what to say.  Even if they are serious, it doesn't matter to me because it's not like I'd ever do that. 

[ettiquit]

You know, I'm a cat lady like many of you.  My pets are my buds, and I take very seriously my commitment to them.  Just this week I spoon fed my old guy because he's been sick and it's the only way he would eat.  We've also dealt with the inappropriate urination (and spent more money washing a large comforter than I care to admit).  I could see saying something stupid about tossing the cat outside or something like that as a bad joke.  In fact, I know I've threatened to toss one of them out on her furry behind - but she's curled up next to me right now.  So, I guess I would make the assumption that people saying those things were kidding, or just didn't know what to say.  Even if they are serious, it doesn't matter to me because it's not like I'd ever do that.

This might be one of those things where it's ok if you joke about throwing your cat outside, but it's not ok if other people do.  I might make a joke about locking DS in a closet when he's driving me nuts, but I'd be taken aback if anyone else suggested it.

[Seraphia]

When I hear people say horrible things about animals, specifically what people said to the OP, it makes me distance myself from them. Even if someone feels that way, wouldn't they have enough self-control to not say something so horrible?

yeah, that's an important point!

I have one particular co-worker who seems to have a trigger on the word 'cat' that makes him launch into awful descriptions of how he hates cats, wants to kick/hurt them, likes using them as target practice etc. I stopped talking to him almost entirely, since it certainly changed my perception of him, and I don't really feel like discovering other things that he hates and wants to rant about.

[ladyknight1]

--  Oh, and we have taken her to the vet, who couldn't find anything wrong medically and said it certainly seemed behavioral.  I really think it starts because the litterbox isn't cleaned well while we're away.  Every time she's peed on the couch the last two months, the litter hadn't been cleaned in three days or so.  So we'll have to clean more frequently, and have the cat-watchers clean the litter when we're away.

I had a cat who was like that - very fastidious and required daily cleaning of The Box.  However, he was quite the gentleman about it - he peed in the bathroom sink, but only when I was sitting there watching, or he pooped in the bathtub(easy to clean up).  But that was enough to remind me of my duties.

He was also a tossed cat, thrown out when he was no longer a cute kitten, and he got very distressed when I went away the first time, but after I came back, he realized that I'd always be back for him, and he was okay. 
He ruled my life for a wonderful 10 years.

Have you thought about a pet sitter?  I have a wonderful one who will drop in and keep my kitty company for an hour anytime I want her to.  Once or twice a day, depending on how much I want to pay for.

I also use a pet sitter. He keeps all of our pets happy and fed, and cleans the boxes every day.

[TurtleDove]

Unless these people are actually psychopaths, I firmly believe they are just talking and have no actual desire or intent to harm any animals.  I think it's best to approach any situation from that perspective.  Of course they should not say the things they say, but responding as though you believe them to be actual animal abusers is likely to get their hackles up.  Make it clear you know they are joking -- because they surely could not be serious -- and move on.

WHOA!  Just fixed a typo - should NOT say what they say!

[peach2play]

I get a very shocked, hurt expression on my face and I say, "Why would you even think that would be an appropriate thing to say to me?  Obviously my cats are members of my family, and I can't even imagine why you would think that would be ok?"  Then I wait for the response.  It helps if I know what pet they have, but I listen and if they continue or say they aren't cat people, I say I'm not a <insert pet/favorite thing/child/etc here> but I would never in a million years say something like that to them and if they meant it as a joke it's not funny.  Most normal sane people apologize and won't bring it up again.  The ones that don't I either tell to leave or I leave and give the cut direct or if at work, I return to cool professional. 

[TootsNYC]

When I hear people say horrible things about animals, specifically what people said to the OP, it makes me distance myself from them. Even if someone feels that way, wouldn't they have enough self-control to not say something so horrible?

yeah, that's an important point!

I have one particular co-worker who seems to have a trigger on the word 'cat' that makes him launch into awful descriptions of how he hates cats, wants to kick/hurt them, likes using them as target practice etc. I stopped talking to him almost entirely, since it certainly changed my perception of him, and I don't really feel like discovering other things that he hates and wants to rant about.

I wonder if a person could say, "I'm glad to know that about you. It shapes my opinion of you quite a bit. I like to be accurate in my impressions of other people's capability for cruelty."

[ettiquit]

Unless these people are actually psychopaths, I firmly believe they are just talking and have no actual desire or intent to harm any animals.  I think it's best to approach any situation from that perspective.  Of course they should say the things they say, but responding as though you believe them to be actual animal abusers is likely to get their hackles up.  Make it clear you know they are joking -- because they surely could not be serious -- and move on.

The people I know who put their cats down because of bathroom issues are not psychopaths, but they clearly don't take pet ownership very seriously.  Because of that, I honestly can't assume anyone is joking about that.

[magicdomino]

There are a couple of brands of automated litter box, the most popular is the Littermate.  Worked great for a previous cat who refused to use a box if any other cat had used it.  Domino's Issues run deeper than that, unfortunately.

I second the pet sitter, and daily box cleaning.

[CatFanatic]

I think this is rude and it is something that needs to be addressed with: 'What a strange thing to say! I love my cat very much.' As to the 'eeeew' factor, if people are honestly grossed out, that's no excuse. The polite thing would be to ask if they could sit elsewhere.

It has been my experience that people make casual remarks about cruelty to cats often enough that it becomes 'normalised'. I volunteer at a shelter and I can tell you that these so-called 'jokes' are interpreted as truth by more than a few people. I have never, not once, experienced someone making equivalent remarks about children or dogs - it is only a 'cat thing', and may be part of the reason why cats are often victims of abuse and neglect.

Yes, my name is a giveaway.

[audrey1962]

When my elderly kitty had incontinence problems, we confined her to a very large crate when we could not watch her. The crate was lined with puppy pads and as many comforts as possible. I woke up at 5 am every morning to clean her crate and it was the first thing I did after work. I also bleached it once a week. When we went on vacation we took her to the vet for boarding. It was hard, but we loved her very much and it was worth it.

IMO, and having gone through a similar experience, it is not right to ask guests or family members to risk their health by exposing them to soiled furniture. I love my friends and family as much as my cat, so I did everything I could to make them all as comfortable as possible.

Please try to explore options other than allowing the cat to soil the furniture.

[Bexx27]

Having volunteered at an animal shelter, it's not so easy for me to dismiss these types of comments as jokes. I know first-hand that many people see pets as disposable. I have seen people surrender cats -- including elderly or sick cats who are unlikely to get adopted (and it wasn't a no-kill shelter) -- for such reasons as "my new girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't like cats" and "I got new furniture and the cat's fur doesn't match." Really. Eliminating outside the litter box is probably the most common reason people give for surrendering their cats, and they know full well that the cat will most likely be put to sleep since a cat that doesn't use the litter box is not considered adoptable. So I would not be inclined to think people who say those things are joking.

I would also not want to respond with something like, "different things work for different people." As an animal lover, it's similar in my mind to someone making racist or sexist comments, in that it should not be tolerated or ignored in the name of politeness. If my DH complained to a friend that I never did the dishes, for example, and that friend responded that he would give his wife a black eye for not doing the dishes, I would be horrified if DH's response was to shrug and say, "whatever works for you." I realize that not everyone sees animals the same way, but for those of us who do, I actually think it's wrong to let such comments pass unchallenged. It's one thing to give a mild answer, such as "I disagree," rather than engaging, but tacit acceptance is different IMO.

[WillyNilly]

My mother, on more occasions I can even try to to count, has made comments like "I'd skin my children alive if they ever did that!" or "I'd murder the brats!" She most certainly is simply using hyperbole!  She has made comments like that directly about myself and my brother (from infant-hood, straight through to now where my brother and I are pushing 40) and in reference to other people's kids.  I would assume 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of people who say they'd "throw" or "kick" or "kill" a cat are really not actually psychopaths, they are simple people who utilize colorful language to make a point - the point being not violent or mean, but simply "I'd do something radical and strong".  Heck I joke at least 4 times a week to my DH that we shouldn't feed the cat today because its too fat and she ate yesterday.  Geez I don't actually mean we should not feed the fatso, I'm just joking around, and if anyone took me seriously they wouldn't have to distance themselves from me, because I would already be distancing myself from them for not understanding how jokes work and having little patience in their 'jumps to nasty conclusions' mindsets.

I think if the comments bother you, its better to truly identify if they are jokes - these are your friends in your home, right? - and if they are jokes simply say "yeah I get it, its a hassle and gross, but honestly its kinda stressing me out and jokes don't help."

[gen xer]

I think it is a "know your audience" kind of thing.  I agree with Willy-Nilly that a lot of hyperbole is not meant to hurt and I engage in that too - with certain people.  I know who I can say stuff like "I'll wring so and so's ( insert cat or child's name ) neck if that happens again....but I would never in a million years say that to someone who I thought would be hurt by that....and I would never tell someone they should put their pet down.  It is not only insensitive but it is nobody else's business.

Here is where I will risk a tarring and feathering from the pet lovers.  I too love cats and own two....but I have also been put in the position of having to get rid of a pet and I think it would just as rude for anyone to tell me I was a "psychopath" or a horrible person because they disagreed with my decision.  Of course I hate when people discard animals like yesterdays trash but the decision to get rid of an animal is not always callous "I got bored with having to take care of it" reasoning.

We spent  a good deal of time and money ( vet checks, medication etc ) trying to break kitty of her bad habit of peeing AND pooping on furniture....but having moved into a new home with a new baby proved to be too much for her and nothing was working.  Sorry....but I can't afford to be constantly replacing my reeking, utterly destroyed furniture and I did not want my toddler and my infant to be subjected to a filthy, feces and urine fouled house!  It was sad but kitty had to go.