Etiquette School is in session! > Complete Silence

When they just won't go away...

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thedudeabides:

--- Quote from: VorFemme on April 11, 2013, 11:58:26 PM ---
--- Quote from: thedudeabides on April 11, 2013, 10:12:58 PM ---
--- Quote from: VorFemme on April 11, 2013, 05:38:28 PM ---
--- Quote from: dawbs on April 10, 2013, 02:24:45 PM ---
--- Quote from: VorFemme on April 10, 2013, 01:27:37 PM ---

I have heard that some guys will leave, quickly, if you "warn them" that the sex change surgery hasn't been completed yet.

If they don't leave, I suppose you could say that you're still healing from the surgery......  Because getting rid of "that kind of guy" without pulling out a shotgun and "suggesting" that they leave you alone right NOW would give most people the idea that there is no such thing as a lie that isn't acceptable, if that ***** would just leave!

--- End quote ---

If there's *ANY* chance that there isn't sufficient backup, I would highly recommend avoiding this tactic.

The incidence where the prejudice against these subgroups have lead to sexual assault and/or violence is way higher than people realize.  A 'macho' person who looses face may seek to regain it by lashing out physically.

--- End quote ---

Ah, true...

Just because I made my first KNOWN gay (well, technically bisexual but same sex was their first preference) friend in college doesn't mean that other people will shrug off that information and quit harassing the uninterested-in-them-person that they are trying to make be interested in them by the power of sheer nagging.

In self defense, there is nothing wrong with surgically rearranging things to what you feel is "right" for you - and I grew up in an era when there weren't nearly as many violet acts against the "alternative lifestyles" - but that might have been because so few "came out of the closet" until I was older. 

That friend in college got caught in the wrong bar on a trip out of town by a police raid and it cost them their college scholarship at the local university - US military-related at a time even before "don't ask, don't tell".

After thinking about it - there are pitfalls to almost any attempt to ignore the cretins in the world.  Not having all the answers, I will now be quiet.

--- End quote ---

???

--- End quote ---

Trying to retract previous advice because it might be VERY BAD in many cases......

While letting people that thought I was phrasing things in an unsupportive way to those who might actually be having surgery.....

Bad phrasing all around.

As a plump woman past the age of menopause, I have to admit that I don't get a lot of cretins making that kind of remark to me - so I have not had any practice in dealing with "that situation" lately.

--- End quote ---

I'm just confused as to why it needed anything more than, "You're right. I'm sorry." What you wrote just compounds the initial offensiveness and dangerousness of your first post. And I say that as a man who doesn't exactly run into this situation often.

VorFemme:
You're probably phrasing things better than I am.

I have a tendency to over-explain, I'm told.

So, simplest response I can think of.

I didn't think my response through very well,  it was very bad advice for these situations.  I'm sorry.

Moray:
I appreciate your apology. It was bad advice for all situations.

lurkerwisp:
So... back on topic and speaking of violence.

Be very very careful in these situations.  If the guy (I say guy, because let's face it, it usually is) is testing your boundaries and starts to do so physically - he may very well be a predator looking to attack you for either non-consensual scrabble or plain old robbery.

Putting in earbuds or otherwise looking distracted are generally ways to clue someone of this type on to the fact that you're not aware of your surroundings.  This is the kind of thing they're looking for in victims.

Similarly, being too polite and letting someone into your personal bubble tells them that you will not fight back.  If your creepymeter alarms are going off, be the prickly person who tells strangers to get lost.  It's safer than being the friendly person dragged into a ditch and murdered.  You don't have to be nice to strangers who don't respect your boundaries.  You don't have to be nice to anyone who doesn't respect your boundaries.

Don't act scared, act alert.  If they keep after you, reach into a purse or pocket as if going for pepper spray or a gun and leave your hand there.  Duck into an open business with security cameras if possible.  Above all, be safety-minded instead of just etiquette-minded.  Sure there will be false alarms sometimes, but that's much better than letting them close and having something awful happen to you.

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