Who to invite to birthday party?

[sammycat]

I vote for keeping the two occasions separate. Invite people who have a relationship with your son (like your BFF) to the birthday party. At 3, I think the party starts to become much more about the kid and he'll be more aware of what's going on, and you may have your hands full with the young guests. Especially if you foresee discomfort between Dan and BFF, you want to be able to focus on that, and not be running off after a little one.

Then, have a reunion with your HS friends--you could do kid-free out someplace, or you could do a backyard BBQ and invite them to bring their kids. You know your BFF best, but personally I wouldn't make a big deal out of inviting Dan. I might say to her, "On the 17th I'm throwing a backyard BBQ for some of our old high school buddies! I'm inviting Laurie, Pat, Dan, Amy, Mark, and Susan. Hopefully they'll bring their spouses and kids." Then she'll know Dan's on the guest list in advance, and if she thinks she would really be uncomfortable with him, she can choose not to attend, or otherwise talk to you about it. You might also want to let Dan know the guest list in a similar way, in case he feels too awkward around BFF.

I second Lynn2000's comments.

[YummyMummy66]

I agree with another poster. 

Why would you be inviting high school friends to a child's birthday party?  I can understand inviting Dan and your BFF, (they are both adults, they can either come or not), but other high school friends?  Do they have children also?   This could come off as a gift grab. 

As to the question of Dan, are his children close in age to yoru son's or is there a major difference?  If so, I would include Dan in a get together with your high school friends versus a child's birthday party.

I would invite BFF to both.

[Jeremy]

Invite your son's little friends to his birthday, then look at arranging a reunion with your friends.  As regards Dan and your best friend, I really do think the simplest thing would be to talk to her and find out whether she would really be bothered by being at a party with him.  If she would be, then you can meet up with him seperately another time.

[shygirl]

A lot of people have mentioned that I should invite people who my son have a relationship with, or his friends, to the party.  As I mentioned in the first post, this party I'm planning is in my hometown, but we don't live there anymore.  I've moved away to a different state, and we go back to visit once or twice a year.  My son doesn't have friends his age in my hometown, and the only people he is going to really know are my parents and my sister.

I'm not trying to have a high school reunion with this party.  I'm attempting to invite people with kids to a kids party.

If they both still live in the same town, isn't it likely that they've been at other social situations with other friends over the years? 

Have you ever mentioned to your BFF that Dan reached out to you at your son's birth?  If not, why?

If not, I wouldn't invite Dan.  You said your son is now 3. how much interaction have you had with him during the last year? 

No, BFF and Dan don't hang out in the same circles, so their paths don't cross.  I did tell BFF that I talked to Dan after my son was born, and she was very supportive.  Although, she didn't ask how he was doing or anything like that.  She just said that she was glad that he was able to help me and that I had someone with a similar experience to talk to.

[Shoo]

This year maybe you should have a "family only" birthday party for your son.  He might enjoy that more than a party full of strangers he doesn't even know.

[TootsNYC]

I might also suggest that you have "the big birthday party with friends" for your son on a day other than his actual birthday. You can do it a month before or after.

And then have family-only for the birthday (cake at supper, after his favorite menu) and a "high-school friends get-together" on another day.

Or--here's a great idea! Invite high-school friends (w/ their kids) to "a party," and then simply for dessert, have a cake to celebrate the fact that it's also your son's birthday. He'll have new little kids to play with, but you'll avoid the "I don't really know you so well anymore, but you should bring my kid a gift and celebrate his birthday" problem that so many of us are spotting.

[shygirl]

This year maybe you should have a "family only" birthday party for your son.  He might enjoy that more than a party full of strangers he doesn't even know.

That would be a pretty small party!  Just me, my parents, my sister, and my husband if he gets the time off.  That wouldn't really be a party, in my opinion.  Just, a normal, typical day while visiting my parents.

I think my son will be fine at the party I'm thinking of having.  About 5 kids around his age, and their parents.  If I invite the high school friends, then that would be 7 kids.  My son always takes some time to warm up to new people, but so far he has never shown any great distress about being in a room full of strangers.

It seems like the general consensus though is not to invite my high school friends.

[Thipu1]

ShyGirl,

I second a slightly different version of the two party idea. 

You say that you'll be visiting Hometown but no longer live there. Since your son is three, he probably has little friends where he lives.  I would suggest holding a Birthday party for him there.

The party in Hometown can be a simple thing with a cake and a few presents for your son from your parents and a get-together for your High School friends.  It should work if you do the Birthday portion at lunch and the adult party in the late afternoon or evening. 

I would invite both BFF and Dan to the adult party but let each know that the other is invited.  When you're getting together with former classmates, there are almost certainly going to be a few broken adolescent hearts in the past.     

[bah12]

I vote for invite Dan and let BFF know.  I don't see why there would be any issue between them as their history seems to be just that...history.  And I think that Dan would appreciate seeing the 3 year old version of the premie whose mother he helped support.

As for "turning this into a high school reunion" I know that I don't mind at all attending a child's birthday party that I don't know...especially if it's the child of an old friend.  I think that inviting them, or not, is up to you.  You know them and the culture of your hometown, so you are best suited for making that decision.

[Roe]

I agree with bah12. I see nothing wrong with inviting them to the party. No need for two separate parties if its easier for you to combine them.

[YummyMummy66]

A lot of people have mentioned that I should invite people who my son have a relationship with, or his friends, to the party.  As I mentioned in the first post, this party I'm planning is in my hometown, but we don't live there anymore.  I've moved away to a different state, and we go back to visit once or twice a year.  My son doesn't have friends his age in my hometown, and the only people he is going to really know are my parents and my sister.

I'm not trying to have a high school reunion with this party.  I'm attempting to invite people with kids to a kids party.

If they both still live in the same town, isn't it likely that they've been at other social situations with other friends over the years? 

Have you ever mentioned to your BFF that Dan reached out to you at your son's birth?  If not, why?

If not, I wouldn't invite Dan.  You said your son is now 3. how much interaction have you had with him during the last year? 

No, BFF and Dan don't hang out in the same circles, so their paths don't cross.  I did tell BFF that I talked to Dan after my son was born, and she was very supportive.  Although, she didn't ask how he was doing or anything like that.  She just said that she was glad that he was able to help me and that I had someone with a similar experience to talk to.

I would do a child's birthday party in the late morning/early afternoon and have high school friends over later in the day, whether they have kids or not. 

I don't know how close you still are with high school friends, but if I knew someone that I hardly saw any longer or really kept in touch with consistently and they invited me to a child's bday party, it might seem sort of tacky.  "Hey, have not seen you in a while, would love to see you and catch up, come to my kid's party!".  Now, you can say, no need to bring a gift, but I would bet most people would bring one anyway.  And how much catching up can you do at a young child's birthday party?  Your son will be three.  He will need constant supervision.  He will get tired.  I don't see much interaction this way to see old friends.

[shygirl]

ShyGirl,

I second a slightly different version of the two party idea. 

You say that you'll be visiting Hometown but no longer live there. Since your son is three, he probably has little friends where he lives.  I would suggest holding a Birthday party for him there.

The party in Hometown can be a simple thing with a cake and a few presents for your son from your parents and a get-together for your High School friends.  It should work if you do the Birthday portion at lunch and the adult party in the late afternoon or evening. 

I would invite both BFF and Dan to the adult party but let each know that the other is invited.  When you're getting together with former classmates, there are almost certainly going to be a few broken adolescent hearts in the past.     

We will definitely have a party where we live with my son's friends.

But, we are going to be visiting my parents a few weeks before his actual birthday.  My parents and my BFF actually have asked me to have a birthday party for my son because they want to help him celebrate too. 

A "family" only type of party, with a cake or whatever, is a nice idea, but that's just going to be a normal day.  The point of doing a party was to have some party-type games, maybe get a face painter or a balloon animal artist, etc.  Do people not like to do that with their kids?

I'm getting the feeling that people don't enjoy kid's parties.  If you're invited to a kid's party, wouldn't you just decline going then?

One of the high school friends asked me to let her know when I'll be in town again, so that's why I thought about inviting them to the bday party.  It would be something fun to do with her kid.  True, it's not like we're going to have a chance to really sit down and catch up over a hot mug of tea, but we could always do that as well, if we wanted right?

If was in their position (an old friend who lives out of town, but is coming to visit, and has invited me to a birthday party for their 3 year old), I wouldn't find it tacky or gift grabby.  So that's where I'm coming from.

[bah12]

ShyGirl,

I second a slightly different version of the two party idea. 

You say that you'll be visiting Hometown but no longer live there. Since your son is three, he probably has little friends where he lives.  I would suggest holding a Birthday party for him there.

The party in Hometown can be a simple thing with a cake and a few presents for your son from your parents and a get-together for your High School friends.  It should work if you do the Birthday portion at lunch and the adult party in the late afternoon or evening. 

I would invite both BFF and Dan to the adult party but let each know that the other is invited.  When you're getting together with former classmates, there are almost certainly going to be a few broken adolescent hearts in the past.     

We will definitely have a party where we live with my son's friends.

But, we are going to be visiting my parents a few weeks before his actual birthday.  My parents and my BFF actually have asked me to have a birthday party for my son because they want to help him celebrate too. 

A "family" only type of party, with a cake or whatever, is a nice idea, but that's just going to be a normal day.  The point of doing a party was to have some party-type games, maybe get a face painter or a balloon animal artist, etc.  Do people not like to do that with their kids?

I'm getting the feeling that people don't enjoy kid's parties.  If you're invited to a kid's party, wouldn't you just decline going then?

One of the high school friends asked me to let her know when I'll be in town again, so that's why I thought about inviting them to the bday party.  It would be something fun to do with her kid.  True, it's not like we're going to have a chance to really sit down and catch up over a hot mug of tea, but we could always do that as well, if we wanted right?

If was in their position (an old friend who lives out of town, but is coming to visit, and has invited me to a birthday party for their 3 year old), I wouldn't find it tacky or gift grabby.  So that's where I'm coming from.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say "I'd love to catch up with you.  My visit is pretty short and I have a lot of family activities planned.  We're having son's birthday party at X time.  Why don't you come by then with your children?  It will be fun for all!"

[bopper]

Here is another way to think about it. BFF is your best friend right now. You want to invite somebody who dumped her to your 3 year old's birthday party.
Yes, he was helpful 3 years ago, but you are going to hurt her NOW.  Do you really want to do that? Do you value Dan over her?

[Moray]

ShyGirl,

I second a slightly different version of the two party idea. 

You say that you'll be visiting Hometown but no longer live there. Since your son is three, he probably has little friends where he lives.  I would suggest holding a Birthday party for him there.

The party in Hometown can be a simple thing with a cake and a few presents for your son from your parents and a get-together for your High School friends.  It should work if you do the Birthday portion at lunch and the adult party in the late afternoon or evening. 

I would invite both BFF and Dan to the adult party but let each know that the other is invited.  When you're getting together with former classmates, there are almost certainly going to be a few broken adolescent hearts in the past.     

We will definitely have a party where we live with my son's friends.

But, we are going to be visiting my parents a few weeks before his actual birthday.  My parents and my BFF actually have asked me to have a birthday party for my son because they want to help him celebrate too. 

A "family" only type of party, with a cake or whatever, is a nice idea, but that's just going to be a normal day.  The point of doing a party was to have some party-type games, maybe get a face painter or a balloon animal artist, etc.  Do people not like to do that with their kids?

I'm getting the feeling that people don't enjoy kid's parties.  If you're invited to a kid's party, wouldn't you just decline going then?

One of the high school friends asked me to let her know when I'll be in town again, so that's why I thought about inviting them to the bday party.  It would be something fun to do with her kid.  True, it's not like we're going to have a chance to really sit down and catch up over a hot mug of tea, but we could always do that as well, if we wanted right?

If was in their position (an old friend who lives out of town, but is coming to visit, and has invited me to a birthday party for their 3 year old), I wouldn't find it tacky or gift grabby.  So that's where I'm coming from.

I enjoy kids' parties an awful lot, but I'd still find it odd to be invited to one where I didn't know the kid. I think what people are getting at is that you're already planning on having a friends party (with all the bells and whistles) for your son, so you don't need to do that a second time with family. It's the norm in my area for a family party to be incredibly low-key; maybe a dinner out or some cake and party hats at home; and for the friends party to have the balloon animals and party games.

Another thing to consider is that your son is 3. There's a possibility that he'd get over-stimulated and cranky if thrown in with a whole bunch of new kids on what is supposed to be "his day", especially if your HS buddies are likely to continue socializing with you for several hours; much longer than your average toddler party.