Who to invite to birthday party?

[bah12]

Here is another way to think about it. BFF is your best friend right now. You want to invite somebody who dumped her to your 3 year old's birthday party.
Yes, he was helpful 3 years ago, but you are going to hurt her NOW.  Do you really want to do that? Do you value Dan over her?

This was years ago.  She's happily married.  He's happily married.  I've been dumped (more than once) and been hurt at the time, but being happy today is all I need not to be hurt by happening upon the person that dumped me at a kid's birthday party.  Added that the person was an incredible support to my BFF while she was going through a rough time, then I think I could be a good enough friend to deal with it.

In other words, I don't think there's much evidence that BFF is going to be "hurt" because the OP decided to invite an ex to her kid's party.  All she has to do is let BFF know that this is her decision.  I suppose BFF could always say that it will hurt her tremendously to see him and that she cannot function in the same location as him and the OP would have to decide what to do with that info.  I would just be surprised if that were the case.

[Hmmmmm]

If I was wanting to catch up with a friend, I wouldn't want to do it at a young childs child's bday party.  When the kids are under 5, the hostess and parents of the guests will be busy paying attention to the kids, especially if there is organized games. 

But if the purpose is so your old friends get to meet your child and you get to meet theirs, then I think it is fine to do a kid friendly party, I just wouldn't do it with my child being the GoH. 

If I was an old friend childess adult, I wouldn't want to attend.  But if I had suggested we get together and this is what you invited me to, then I'd feel obligated to go. 

Your son is 3 and probably has less of a concept of time than you.  You said he was having a party at home.  On his birthday, I would plan an outing with your family and BFF to celebrate his actual birthday. 

[YummyMummy66]

ShyGirl,

I second a slightly different version of the two party idea. 

You say that you'll be visiting Hometown but no longer live there. Since your son is three, he probably has little friends where he lives.  I would suggest holding a Birthday party for him there.

The party in Hometown can be a simple thing with a cake and a few presents for your son from your parents and a get-together for your High School friends.  It should work if you do the Birthday portion at lunch and the adult party in the late afternoon or evening. 

I would invite both BFF and Dan to the adult party but let each know that the other is invited.  When you're getting together with former classmates, there are almost certainly going to be a few broken adolescent hearts in the past.     

We will definitely have a party where we live with my son's friends.

But, we are going to be visiting my parents a few weeks before his actual birthday.  My parents and my BFF actually have asked me to have a birthday party for my son because they want to help him celebrate too. 

A "family" only type of party, with a cake or whatever, is a nice idea, but that's just going to be a normal day.  The point of doing a party was to have some party-type games, maybe get a face painter or a balloon animal artist, etc.  Do people not like to do that with their kids?

I'm getting the feeling that people don't enjoy kid's parties.  If you're invited to a kid's party, wouldn't you just decline going then?

One of the high school friends asked me to let her know when I'll be in town again, so that's why I thought about inviting them to the bday party.  It would be something fun to do with her kid.  True, it's not like we're going to have a chance to really sit down and catch up over a hot mug of tea, but we could always do that as well, if we wanted right?

If was in their position (an old friend who lives out of town, but is coming to visit, and has invited me to a birthday party for their 3 year old), I wouldn't find it tacky or gift grabby.  So that's where I'm coming from.

Honestly, I probably would not find it tacky or gift grabby either and yes, I do enjoy kid's birthday parties, (although mine are now older, but I do have a granddaughter).  But, for a child so young, I just don't see how you will be able to catch up or chat with your high school friends for more than a minute here or there.  Yes, I get your parents and your BFF want to help you celebrate and I can see no problem inviting high school friends with kids to the party, but when will you be able to chat?   Isn't that the whole point of seeing them?   Not to say HI for a minute and then say, "Thank you so much for coming, it was great seeing you!". 

Are you only staying or visiting your parents for one day that you somehow cannot have two festivities or do you just want to have one big thing and be done with it?

Either way, whatever you choose, it is your decision. 

[Promise]

I'm getting the feeling that people don't enjoy kid's parties.  If you're invited to a kid's party, wouldn't you just decline going then?

You've hit the nail on the head. Most adults do not like going to kids' parties, especially men. They do however like getting together with old friends without kids around. I find that many adults do not supervise well because the adults are chatting, catching up, etc. The kids are ignored or it's assumed by the parents that "someone" is watching the kids when no one is.

Why do you feel the need to have two big parties for your son? Why not go with your parents and BFF somewhere fun and have that memory for yourself that will mean something to your son. Parties with strangers really isn't developmentally appropriate.  This is supposed to be about him, not the adults. Remember, he's only 3. He's not going to remember this when he's 20. Your friends may feel "obligated" to attend even if they don't want to go to a 3 year old's party because they want to see you. My personal opinion is separate the events. Keep it about your son.

[katycoo]

But, we are going to be visiting my parents a few weeks before his actual birthday.  My parents and my BFF actually have asked me to have a birthday party for my son because they want to help him celebrate too. 

A "family" only type of party, with a cake or whatever, is a nice idea, but that's just going to be a normal day.  The point of doing a party was to have some party-type games, maybe get a face painter or a balloon animal artist, etc.  Do people not like to do that with their kids?

They don't tend to do it twice.  It gets very expensive if you're throwing 2 parties with cake and food and games AND you're paying for entertainment.  I'd only do that once.

A family only party can still be a party.  Its not 'a normal day' if everyone is wearing party hats and sings and plays games and has cake and presents.

Re declining if I don't want to go - I feel a bit of an obligation to go.  I prefer not to send the message to my friends that my general feeling of not caring for children extends to their kids too.  Mr friend's kids are important to them (obviously) and if they've invited me they want me there to support them and their kids so if I'm free, I'll attend and try to have a nice time.  There's usually plenty of adults there to socialise with.  But these are the children of my CLOSE friends. I don't get invited to kids parties of my older friends whom I see rarely.

[Giggity]

So anyway, I'm having this party and I was going to invite some other people from high school.

Is this a birthday party or a reunion?

If the former, why would you invite a bunch of people who don't know your kid? I can guarantee they won't want to attend.

[Giggity]

I'm getting the feeling that people don't enjoy kid's parties.  If you're invited to a kid's party, wouldn't you just decline going then?

If I'd never met the kid, for sure I'd decline.

[Roe]

It doesn't really matter if you (general) would decline a child's party invite due to not knowing the child.  There are many who would still attend. And the OP has every right to invite her friends, even if they have not yet met her child. 

I don't see the big deal and why some keep bringing up the same issue.

And to top it off, that wasn't even the OP"s question.   

[bah12]

It doesn't really matter if you (general) would decline a child's party invite due to not knowing the child.  There are many who would still attend. And the OP has every right to invite her friends, even if they have not yet met her child. 

I don't see the big deal and why some keep bringing up the same issue.

And to top it off, that wasn't even the OP"s question.

Exactly.  Whether or not anyone else agrees that a reunion can be mixed with a kid's birthday party is not really the question in this thread.  The point is that there are two people, who both do have some significant relationship with the OP in relation to her child, that don't necessarily have a positive past.

So, given the individual relationships and the fact that a significant amount of time has passed between BFF and her ex-BF's breakup (not to mention that they are both happily married), I would be really really surprised if BFF would say that she absolutely cannot be anywhere near this guy for the short duration of a party (she doesn't have to talk to him if she doesn't want to).  If I were the BFF, I wouldn't think of this birthday party in terms of how I view my own history, but how this person helped my best friend through a difficult time...and I would consider that my happy present pretty much discounts any negative feelings I had as a result of an old break up.

[shygirl]

Thanks everyone!

I feel most of the people who posted were against having the party at Hometown at all, and I also didn't get the big deal.

But for what it's worth, we ARE having the party but I won't be inviting any of the high school friends.  I'm going to see if we can get together another time, before the party, and if they ask what else we're up to while we're in town I'll mention that we're having a party and they are welcome to come if would like.  Hopefully, they wouldn't feel obligated to come then, if they really don't want to. 

I realized that without the high school friends, I already had about 5 kids and the associated with adults, so that I felt that was big enough.

[kareng57]

Thanks everyone!

I feel most of the people who posted were against having the party at Hometown at all, and I also didn't get the big deal.

But for what it's worth, we ARE having the party but I won't be inviting any of the high school friends.  I'm going to see if we can get together another time, before the party, and if they ask what else we're up to while we're in town I'll mention that we're having a party and they are welcome to come if would like.  Hopefully, they wouldn't feel obligated to come then, if they really don't want to. 

I realized that without the high school friends, I already had about 5 kids and the associated with adults, so that I felt that was big enough.

Good.  I truly think that no 3 -year-old needs more than one birthday party, but at least you're not including adults who do not even know your child.

[Fleur]

I have to say that I think people are rather judgy in this thread. The OP asked a question, and everyone started to talk about something totally seperate! And as for 'no child needs two parties'-strictly, no child needs one party. People can always decline if they don't want to go, but I wold be happy to have a catch up with old friends along with kids, it might be a lot of fun (I know that isn't what the OP decided in the end) I am saying this as someone who is childfree and not even particularly fond of children: I am quite neutral towards them.

[Roe]

I agree with Fleur (and Bah12).  If invited to a party for the child of an old friend, I'd be more than happy to go. 

Actually, it has happened to me in the past and it helped foster friendships between my child and my friend's child.  Most children have never met a stranger, esp at that age.