General Etiquette > Dating

When someone is rude to your spouse or partner

(1/5) > >>

Jeremy:
There was a posting on the main blog page the other day that got me thinking about how you should react if somebody is rude to or insults your spouse or partner while they're with you.  Fortunately it doesn't happen to my wife and me very often, but I know from past experience that if someone treats her rudely, insults her or is hurtful to her in some way I often feel compelled to say something to defend her or let the other person know how far out of line they were.  My wife doesn't always like me doing this, but I feel a bit disloyal to her if I don't say something.  So what actually is the best way to react in this situation?  Is it better to speak up, or should you keep quiet in these situations?  What do we all think?

TurtleDove:
I strongly believe any rudeness should be addressed by the person who was treated rudely and SOs should stay out of it aside from backing up the wronged party. I can handle myself; I don't need my SO to be the reason I am treated appropriately.

Hmmmmm:
I think it depends on the degree of the insult.  If a true insult to the point that relationships will be impacted, then I agree that SO or close friends are fine and even expected to defend the insulted party. 

But say a man makes an off color comment to me in passing.  I'm perfectly capable of handling and I don't need my DH to interfere.  If the comments continued after i said something, i woukd be fine with DH engaging just like i would be fine with a friend also speaking up. 

However, if a similar comment was made to my teen daughter, I would fully expect my DH to say something to the stranger immediately.  It might be humorous, as in, "Do you realize you just propositioned a 16 yr old in front of her over protective father" but it might also be much more direct.

Jeremy:
Good points!  The urge to charge in on a white horse and try and make everything better can be very strong, but I think you're both right that it's often the wrong thing to do, however much you want to put the rude person in their place.  I will always back my wife up if she needs it, but sometimes it can be hard to know how to strike a good balance between giving moral support and interfering!


--- Quote from: Hmmmmm on January 11, 2013, 09:19:25 AM ---However, if a similar comment was made to my teen daughter, I would fully expect my DH to say something to the stranger immediately.  It might be humorous, as in, "Do you realize you just propositioned a 16 yr old in front of her over protective father" but it might also be much more direct.

--- End quote ---

Yes, definitely.  I don't want my daughters ever to feel that they can't rely on me if somebody is giving them a hard time or harrassing them in some way.

Sharnita:
I think that if you love somebody - spouse, child, parent, friend - it is painful to you to hear/see them treated disrespectfully.  You want to draw boundaries not just to protect them but to make it clear what you yourself can/will tolerate.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version