Author Topic: Not How She Should Have Found Out  (Read 4089 times)

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BabylonSister

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Re: Not How She Should Have Found Out
« Reply #15 on: January 11, 2013, 08:35:38 PM »
TurtleDove, you've explained that you're not a cook/baker so it would be understandable for you to be amused. But if cooking and baking is 'what you do' (are known for, etc.) this is very embarrassing.

I would have thought it a good idea for OP or Host to talk to Sally until I read your 'twist' at the end. You probably nailed it and IMO, everybody should just let it go because Host is going to look badly no matter how nicely you or she tries to handle this. Leave it up to Host to handle barring Sally, but she shouldn't.

I'm not sure her post required such hostility. Everyone has experience food falling or dropping on the floor. And I can't imagine being devastated because of it, unless I had just dumped the entire Thanksgiving dinner on the floor.

I didn't pick up on a hostile tone from bloo, just an explanation of why bakers may be sensitive about the quality of their cakes.  And if I'm reading it correctly, I think the hurt feelings did not stem from a slice of cake being dropped on the floor, but from the slice being thrown in the garbage.  (Though because it was so poorly baked it was incredibly dry which was why it fell in the first place thus requiring the garbage... whew)

Abby was hurt initially because Sally told her the cake was tossed because her friends didn't like it, not because it fell on the floor.  When the friends tried to explain to her what actually happened, they got the impression she thought they backpedaling.




That's exactly it. Sally was extremely mean-spirited to make up something like that.

bloo

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Re: Not How She Should Have Found Out
« Reply #16 on: January 11, 2013, 11:51:47 PM »
TurtleDove, you've explained that you're not a cook/baker so it would be understandable for you to be amused. But if cooking and baking is 'what you do' (are known for, etc.) this is very embarrassing.

I would have thought it a good idea for OP or Host to talk to Sally until I read your 'twist' at the end. You probably nailed it and IMO, everybody should just let it go because Host is going to look badly no matter how nicely you or she tries to handle this. Leave it up to Host to handle barring Sally, but she shouldn't.

I'm not sure her post required such hostility. Everyone has experience food falling or dropping on the floor. And I can't imagine being devastated because of it, unless I had just dumped the entire Thanksgiving dinner on the floor.

I didn't pick up on a hostile tone from bloo, just an explanation of why bakers may be sensitive about the quality of their cakes.  And if I'm reading it correctly, I think the hurt feelings did not stem from a slice of cake being dropped on the floor, but from the slice being thrown in the garbage.  (Though because it was so poorly baked it was incredibly dry which was why it fell in the first place thus requiring the garbage... whew)

Abby was hurt initially because Sally told her the cake was tossed because her friends didn't like it, not because it fell on the floor.  When the friends tried to explain to her what actually happened, they got the impression she thought they backpedaling.

TabbyUprising is correct. The OP states:
"Then Abby walked in asking what was taking so long.  Sally turned to her and said, “oh, Host and CookieHappy don’t like your cake, they threw a chunk of it in the garbage, see, there it is.  I would have NEVERRR done that.”  Sally puts her hand on Abby's shoulder and walks out.
Abby looked hurt, but we quickly told her what happened."


Nowhere in the OP does it say that Abby was upset at the idea that part of her cake ended up in the garbage because it was accidentally dropped on the floor.

The OP alluded to Sally making it seem like the Host and OP threw it away because they didn't like her cake. Which is embarrassing. I was hurt and embarrassed when a friend returned a banana bread I had baked for her as 'inedible'. I did mess up the recipe, but personally, I wished she'd have thrown it away. My mistake was unlikely to happen again

I certainly had no hostile intent in my post and am startled that one would see any. CaptainObvious, can you explain why my post seemed hostile?

TurtleDove has stated in at least one other thread that she does not cook and takes no pleasure in it and (I'm paraphrasing) is unembarrassed about that. Nor should she be. So I was responding to what I thought was confusion on her part why anyone would be hurt about their food not being liked.


LifeOnPluto

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Re: Not How She Should Have Found Out
« Reply #17 on: January 12, 2013, 02:01:07 AM »
I'm wondering whether Abby suspected that her cake might be a bit dry, and Sally knew it, and played upon her fears? Hence Abby's reluctance to believe the OP's and Host's version of events.

Whatever the case, it would not be rude for the Host never to invite Sally to her house again. And if Sally asks why, I think the Host is ok in telling her the truth ("You said something very hurtful to a friend of mine").


Raintree

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Re: Not How She Should Have Found Out
« Reply #18 on: January 12, 2013, 03:03:30 AM »
Sally does not sound like someone I'd want to get to know better. I also don't think it would be at all out of line to say to Sally, in private or in an email, "What you said was extremely mean-spirited and I'm extremely disappointed that one of my guests would try to embarrass me in this way. Please do not come to my home again."

Yankeegal77

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Re: Not How She Should Have Found Out
« Reply #19 on: January 12, 2013, 01:03:53 PM »
If I had a guest in my home who pulled what Sally did, they would be persona non grata. Host has my vote for not inviting Sally back. (And not e-hell approved, but maybe Sally felt so strongly about this imagined injustice she would have been fine with eating the piece that fell on the floor?)

It sounds like homebaked or modest treats aren't the norm, so I'm guessing that Abby was either low on cash and still wanted to contribute, or wanted to try something out with a group of friends. Either way, she sounded a bit vulnerable to begin with. Making Sally's comment even meaner than it would have been on its own.

Sally sounds like a self-serving viper. She hurt Abby's feelings just to make herself look superior to Host. I would not be surprised if the business angle played a part. Unfortunately, sounds like the damage was done, at least for the time being.

My advice to Host is next meeting, wherever it's held, would be to not mention any of this unless it's brought up and then, very matter-of-factly state that Sally's version was completely untrue. If it's back at Hosts' home, maybe Abby can help with slicing/serving and Host can apologize for the misunderstanding and make a joke that she hopes she doesn't drop another treat on the floor. (I know it wasn't her fault, but still.)

I'd love an update on what happens at the next meeting.

Edited to add that Sally could have eaten cake from floor, not OP. Sorry!!
« Last Edit: January 12, 2013, 01:18:38 PM by Yankeegal77 »

NyaChan

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Re: Not How She Should Have Found Out
« Reply #20 on: January 12, 2013, 01:11:55 PM »
I think Sally found a way to make Host look mean and hurtful in front of Abby and ran with it.  Unfortunately, it seems like one of those situations where the time to fix it was in the moment or else it takes on more meaning than it should by trying to addressing it later.  At most, if you were particularly close to Abby, you could mention later that you didn't know what Sally was about, and explain what really happened.  But it seems no one has that close of a relationship to Abby.  I would drop Sally from any future invites and stay away from her entirely. 

Drawberry

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Re: Not How She Should Have Found Out
« Reply #21 on: January 12, 2013, 01:26:38 PM »
Since this was mentioned earlier; I think what Sally was telling Abby was that the OP and Host had tasted the cake, told Sally they didn't like it, and threw it away.

Sally sounds like someone who just enjoys making other people feel bad and probably recognized Abby as being more vulnerable for one reason or another, such as being savvy to a possible worry about her baking skills.

She would not be welcome in my home again, that much I do know.