Author Topic: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.  (Read 11876 times)

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Iris

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #30 on: January 12, 2013, 05:05:46 PM »
(I am also curious as to what your DH's profession is!)

I think I have it narrowed down to police officer or circus clown.  Well, or schoolteacher.  Although there may be other possibilities out there  ;D

I liked the Batman option...
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #31 on: January 12, 2013, 05:16:02 PM »
I can just see it, if it ever did make it to court (which I honestly seriously doubt)

Judge: Why do you feel you were injustly cut off from your grandchild?
MIL:  They were rude to me because I objected to my son's chosen profession and tried to tell him so!
Judge:  Is he a drug dealer?
MIL: No, he's Batman
Judge:  ??? ??? ??? :o ::) Case dismissed.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #32 on: January 12, 2013, 06:16:56 PM »
I want to second snappy lt that you and your dh may want to get a consultation with an attorney in your area and perhaps get advice on writing a letter to mil to make your wishes clear. I am not an attorney and do not play one on TV, but I DID watch a Dr Phil episode on the topic once! IIRC, grandparents rights really don't apply except in very specific circumstances, but lots of unpleasant in laws like to throw the term around to rry and get their children to allow them to be unpleasant.
You did nothing wrong. Your dh did nothing wrong. If mil cannot behave reasonably and respect your dh as an adult, then she doesn't get to visit your family and especially does not get access to your child.

TurtleDove

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #33 on: January 12, 2013, 06:59:20 PM »

Love it! Welcome to the board, Vicky Vale!
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Winterlight

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #34 on: January 12, 2013, 08:11:38 PM »
I think it's time to cut contact with her. Whatever your husband does (growing pot? LEO? extreme sports?) it is not her place to harass him. I'd be blocking her emails and not answering her calls. If she shows up, don't let her in.
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loopyluna

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #35 on: January 13, 2013, 11:45:09 AM »
I have one of those jobs that some people love and some people hate, and by now it's such a part of my identity that it's very personal; when people say, "X job is bad," instead I hear, "Luna is bad." It hurts, though fortunately I've never heard it from family. I went to a college whose politics did not at all approve of my life choices, and when people found out what I was going to do after graduation I got a lot of negativity (it got so bad that when a friend told me, "I might not agree with what you're doing, but I'm so proud of you and will always support you" I started crying in gratitude).

I cut off people who openly harassed me. A few people expressed only once in private conversation that they found my choices offensive, but since they never brought it up again we were able to maintain a professional rel@tionship.

I don't have any children, but if I did I would not let someone so vocally opposed to my job be around my son.

Cattitude

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #36 on: January 13, 2013, 01:20:52 PM »
I would also cut her off for the G'parents rights comment.  Anyone that threatens that would not be allowed my child.  In some states it is actually possible for a Grandparent to win rights to visits.  I wouldn't geive her another chance especially since she offends her own son.

VorFemme

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #37 on: January 13, 2013, 03:10:07 PM »
She is so far outside the boundaries for "normal, polite behavior" that she is three galaxies and a nebula over from the Milky Way.   

I am going to make a flying leap and figure that your husband works in either law enforcement, "intelligence", or is possibly one of those wicked psychoanalysts who want to control the minds of those around them.  Doesn't matter - HE is not wrong to be in any of those fields (or whatever he does do for a living).  He is not rude for making a living doing a legal job. 

If he's Batman, I want his autograph, please.

Keeping someone who is showing disturbing changes in their behavior out of the lives of small children is generally considered to be protecting the child.  Even if the person who is doing odd things is a grandparent (heck, even if it is their parent)...

« Last Edit: January 13, 2013, 03:18:28 PM by VorFemme »
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SoCalVal

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #38 on: January 13, 2013, 03:26:46 PM »
I was thinking clergy or military.



VorFemme

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #39 on: January 13, 2013, 03:38:26 PM »
I was thinking clergy or military.

Military makes sense - an ex-BIL used to make disparging noises about the American military (never mind that the military junta in his native South American country had very little resemblance to the American military).  Looking back, he was a jerk - dual citizenship and wanted to live in the USA instead of South America - he could easily have chosen any number of other subjects to talk about while ignoring what we did for a living. 

Clergy?  Dad's a preacher (and in his seventies).  So was maternal grandfather.....having anyone object to a preacher in the family never occured to me.  It would be like complaining about having a cook in the kitchen!
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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #40 on: January 13, 2013, 04:13:30 PM »
(I am also curious as to what your DH's profession is!)

I think I have it narrowed down to police officer or circus clown.  Well, or schoolteacher.  Although there may be other possibilities out there  ;D

I liked the Batman option...

My mind went straight to military. Not sure why.
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SoCalVal

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #41 on: January 13, 2013, 04:13:57 PM »
Clergy?  Dad's a preacher (and in his seventies).  So was maternal grandfather.....having anyone object to a preacher in the family never occured to me.  It would be like complaining about having a cook in the kitchen!

If the MIL is among those against religion, then she wouldn't approve of her son being part of the clergy is what I occurred to me (and it's definitely one of those professions that one really never "leaves at the office," that is usually respected by society as you pointed out but that those against would feel is a detriment to society and feel that people do in order to control others).



Poppea

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #42 on: January 13, 2013, 04:22:17 PM »
I was thinking clergy or military.

Military makes sense - an ex-BIL used to make disparging noises about the American military (never mind that the military junta in his native South American country had very little resemblance to the American military).  Looking back, he was a jerk - dual citizenship and wanted to live in the USA instead of South America - he could easily have chosen any number of other subjects to talk about while ignoring what we did for a living. 

Clergy?  Dad's a preacher (and in his seventies).  So was maternal grandfather.....having anyone object to a preacher in the family never occured to me.  It would be like complaining about having a cook in the kitchen!

I thought clergy, lawyer or psychologist.  Police too.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #43 on: January 13, 2013, 07:36:54 PM »
Clergy?  Dad's a preacher (and in his seventies).  So was maternal grandfather.....having anyone object to a preacher in the family never occured to me.  It would be like complaining about having a cook in the kitchen!

If the MIL is among those against religion, then she wouldn't approve of her son being part of the clergy is what I occurred to me (and it's definitely one of those professions that one really never "leaves at the office," that is usually respected by society as you pointed out but that those against would feel is a detriment to society and feel that people do in order to control others).

My priest told me early on when we met to discuss piratebabe's baptism that she had two grandsons, both in their 20's and the eldest is studying philosophy.  She said she hopes that he does not join the clergy at his age because of the effects of the position on one's health and personal life.   She's in her late 60s/early 70's, I think, and she once joked in a conversation that she at times feels too young for this occupation.  Not that she doesn't enjoy what she does, and she is a wonderful priest, but just that it really does seep into all areas of your life and can be exhausting mentally and emotionally. 

In a conversation she told myself and others of how her grandson, when attending a private Catholic university, asked her to talk his roommate out of joining the priesthood.  She warned him she might not be effective since 1) he didn't really know her as a priest but more his roommate's Nana.  2) She was a woman.  Well she agreed to talk to him anyway, not so much talking him out of it but simply and honestly giving him an insight as to how it would be and sure enough the young man went to seminary...and then left 5 years later.

I have to say, I was rather surprised at first to think of one clergy member gently warning another from becoming one, but when I thought of it, I can see why there would be that desire to caution another to be sure the call is strong enough to give up much of a personal life and sleep.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Redwing

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #44 on: January 14, 2013, 12:48:15 PM »
My wild guess was bounty hunter, like Dog!