Author Topic: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.  (Read 11576 times)

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postalslave

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #45 on: January 14, 2013, 02:03:43 PM »
Naw, you're all wrong. OP's husband is obviously Santa Claus.

LUCKYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

bopper

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #46 on: January 14, 2013, 02:09:48 PM »
I was going to say Bounty Hunter too!

I would back off from MIL.   Put her email on the block list and don't take her calls for awhile.
After a few months, if you want to, then put out the word that if she can consider your husband's job off limits, you are ready to resume contact.

RebeccainGA

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #47 on: January 14, 2013, 02:26:56 PM »
So agree with the consensus - MIL was rude, borderline bat-poo crazy, and you have every right to give her a great big cut direct.

Good luck. Toxic MILs are a cross few have to bear, but they are a BIG CROSS for those that do!

MrTango

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #48 on: January 14, 2013, 03:55:08 PM »
I agree with PPs who say she was the rude one.  I also agree with posters who say she sounds crazy.

I have three pieces of advice:

1) Cut off all contact between her and your child.  If things improve, you and your DH can decide how (or if) you want to allow contact to resume.
2) Contact your child's school & daycare.  Let them know that your MIL is not allowed to pick your child up or have any contact with your child unless you or your DH are present.  If she shows up, they are to contact you or your DH immediately.
3) If there's any chance your MIL may have a key to your home, change your locks.

zyrs

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #49 on: January 15, 2013, 06:06:32 AM »
My first reply was rather abrupt because while I was making it my wife entered the room - I hit reply because I wanted to read the OP to her.  Her Ghast was flabbered.

You were not rude at all.  Your mil brought a stranger into your home, didn't bother to introduce the stranger to you and spent time allowing the stranger and herself to insult your husband's choice of career to his face in his own home.  That's a pretty incredible example of rudeness - I'm surprised she didn't stand on the coffee table like my own nutcase rude person, but that would have just made it more surreal.

MrTango has some good advice, I would follow it.


iridaceae

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #50 on: January 15, 2013, 07:20:56 AM »
He's a mime,  isn't he?


Virg

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #51 on: January 15, 2013, 05:41:52 PM »
iridaceae wrote:

"He's a mime,  isn't he?"

Impossible.  violetfire said his profession is "respected by most" and nobody respects mimes.

Anyway, I'll toss my hat in with those who say that she should be cut off.  Someone who will do what she did, both during the visit and afterward, should be considered dangerous.  Bringing a stranger into your home with no warning or introduction to sit alongside while she attempts some bizarre intervention on her son, then trying to imply threats with "grandparent's rights" information is someone I'd consider capable of pressing lawsuits or calling CPS on you "for the good of her grandson" or even kidnapping him and so she'd be telling it to a black hole for a long, long time before I'd even consider allowing her anywhere near the family.

Virg

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #52 on: January 16, 2013, 01:16:11 PM »
My first reply was rather abrupt because while I was making it my wife entered the room - I hit reply because I wanted to read the OP to her.  Her Ghast was flabbered.

You were not rude at all.  Your mil brought a stranger into your home, didn't bother to introduce the stranger to you and spent time allowing the stranger and herself to insult your husband's choice of career to his face in his own home.  That's a pretty incredible example of rudeness - I'm surprised she didn't stand on the coffee table like my own nutcase rude person, but that would have just made it more surreal.

MrTango has some good advice, I would follow it.

"Ghast was flabbered" is my new favorite thing!  ;D

And did you really have some stand on your coffee table?!?!?  ??? :o :o :o :o Please tell me alcohol was involved and not just batpoo insanity! Please tell me it was a crowded, casual party and not an intimate setting where all involved were gathered around said table - I just broke my brain trying to picture the latter.  :(
"... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
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flowersintheattic

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #53 on: January 16, 2013, 01:44:48 PM »
iridaceae wrote:

"He's a mime,  isn't he?"

Impossible.  violetfire said his profession is "respected by most" and nobody respects mimes.

Anyway, I'll toss my hat in with those who say that she should be cut off.  Someone who will do what she did, both during the visit and afterward, should be considered dangerous.  Bringing a stranger into your home with no warning or introduction to sit alongside while she attempts some bizarre intervention on her son, then trying to imply threats with "grandparent's rights" information is someone I'd consider capable of pressing lawsuits or calling CPS on you "for the good of her grandson" or even kidnapping him and so she'd be telling it to a black hole for a long, long time before I'd even consider allowing her anywhere near the family.

Virg

I agree with Virg and MrTango both. (Virg got quoted because I like the mime comment.  ;) )

I also wanted to ask - OP, does your DH have any siblings or does MIL have any siblings that could be talked to? Has her behavior changed when she deals with everyone, or just toward you? It sounds like this is a recent change in her, and it also sounds like it was somewhat sudden. If there's other family, it may be worth asking around to see about the possibility of an underlying health problem (onset of dementia or something that could cause a similar personality change). Obviously, this probably won't work if some PP's are correct and DH's occupation is in the psychology field...but it may be it worth checking into.
...I learned my lesson / And yes, I still remember the last one / But this time will be different / Until I do it again... ~Phish, "Kill Devil Falls"

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #54 on: January 16, 2013, 01:48:59 PM »
Income tax inspector, surely?

BeagleMommy

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #55 on: January 16, 2013, 02:32:40 PM »
OP, is your DH a spy?

I agree with all those who've said to cut off MIL. She disrespected her son's home, family and career choice in one fell swoop!  Then, when she's told she can't act that way in his home she throws "grandparents' rights" into the mix.  That is just beyond the pale.

magicdomino

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #56 on: January 16, 2013, 04:28:34 PM »
Government worker?  Political campaign manager?   Plastic surgeon?   :)

We had a previous thread where the OP was getting nasty comments about his (her?) profession.  After many guesses, it was kind of a let-down to find out the OP was a fashion photographer. 

LadyJaneinMD

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #57 on: January 17, 2013, 12:11:20 PM »
I'll join the dogpile and agree that your MIL needs to be if not totally cut off, then at least severely curtailed. NEVER let her around your son unsupervised, and keep any future visits (if any), very very short.

And you MUST tell us your husband's profession!  We've already wasted half of the responses by speculating. 

wolfie

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #58 on: January 17, 2013, 01:27:19 PM »
OP, is your DH a spy?


If he was OP wouldn't know - it must be his cover identity that is controversial! :-)


violetfire

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Re: Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.
« Reply #59 on: January 17, 2013, 01:28:38 PM »
Hello again, and thank you all kindly for your advice.  DH has made it clear to his mother that she is not invited into our home until she learns how to behave herself.  She didn't apologize, but did actually listen to DH and admitted she needs to "work on some things." I think that's as good as we're gonna get.

As for DH's profession, he likes to think he's Batman - he works at night, has a "utility belt," a closet full of "costumes," and a nifty car with all sorts of gadgets (lights and sirens mostly). It's what he wanted to do ever since he was a kid, it's not like it was a huge surprise to her when he was hired with his department. 

To the poster who asked about his siblings, yes.  He has an older sibling who has MILs only other grandchildren.  She's been banned from their house numerous times for harassing them about politics, and passive aggressive acts ("accidentally" breaking things, "accidentally" giving the kids things they're not allowed to have according to their parents' rules, etc.).  This seems to be something that happens when grandkids come into the picture.  She left us alone until my son came along, so I never really thought about how clearly off her rocker she is.  I'm sure she's concerned for her son's safety, and in her mind, his conscience, but she really has a funny way of showing it.  I don't think she's a bad person, she's just...off. 
Thanks again for the help!