Hi all, need advice for dealing with this.

[postalslave]

Naw, you're all wrong. OP's husband is obviously Santa Claus.

LUCKYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

[bopper]

I was going to say Bounty Hunter too!

I would back off from MIL.   Put her email on the block list and don't take her calls for awhile.
After a few months, if you want to, then put out the word that if she can consider your husband's job off limits, you are ready to resume contact.

[RebeccainGA]

So agree with the consensus - MIL was rude, borderline bat-poo crazy, and you have every right to give her a great big cut direct.

Good luck. Toxic MILs are a cross few have to bear, but they are a BIG CROSS for those that do!

[MrTango]

I agree with PPs who say she was the rude one.  I also agree with posters who say she sounds crazy.

I have three pieces of advice:

1) Cut off all contact between her and your child.  If things improve, you and your DH can decide how (or if) you want to allow contact to resume.
2) Contact your child's school & daycare.  Let them know that your MIL is not allowed to pick your child up or have any contact with your child unless you or your DH are present.  If she shows up, they are to contact you or your DH immediately.
3) If there's any chance your MIL may have a key to your home, change your locks.

[zyrs]

My first reply was rather abrupt because while I was making it my wife entered the room - I hit reply because I wanted to read the OP to her.  Her Ghast was flabbered.

You were not rude at all.  Your mil brought a stranger into your home, didn't bother to introduce the stranger to you and spent time allowing the stranger and herself to insult your husband's choice of career to his face in his own home.  That's a pretty incredible example of rudeness - I'm surprised she didn't stand on the coffee table like my own nutcase rude person, but that would have just made it more surreal.

MrTango has some good advice, I would follow it.

[iridaceae]

He's a mime,  isn't he?

[Virg]

iridaceae wrote:

"He's a mime,  isn't he?"

Impossible.  violetfire said his profession is "respected by most" and nobody respects mimes.

Anyway, I'll toss my hat in with those who say that she should be cut off.  Someone who will do what she did, both during the visit and afterward, should be considered dangerous.  Bringing a stranger into your home with no warning or introduction to sit alongside while she attempts some bizarre intervention on her son, then trying to imply threats with "grandparent's rights" information is someone I'd consider capable of pressing lawsuits or calling CPS on you "for the good of her grandson" or even kidnapping him and so she'd be telling it to a black hole for a long, long time before I'd even consider allowing her anywhere near the family.

Virg

[Softly Spoken]

My first reply was rather abrupt because while I was making it my wife entered the room - I hit reply because I wanted to read the OP to her.  Her Ghast was flabbered.

You were not rude at all.  Your mil brought a stranger into your home, didn't bother to introduce the stranger to you and spent time allowing the stranger and herself to insult your husband's choice of career to his face in his own home.  That's a pretty incredible example of rudeness - I'm surprised she didn't stand on the coffee table like my own nutcase rude person, but that would have just made it more surreal.

MrTango has some good advice, I would follow it.

"Ghast was flabbered" is my new favorite thing! 

And did you really have some stand on your coffee table?!?!?  Please tell me alcohol was involved and not just batpoo insanity! Please tell me it was a crowded, casual party and not an intimate setting where all involved were gathered around said table - I just broke my brain trying to picture the latter. 

[flowersintheattic]

iridaceae wrote:

"He's a mime,  isn't he?"

Impossible.  violetfire said his profession is "respected by most" and nobody respects mimes.

Anyway, I'll toss my hat in with those who say that she should be cut off.  Someone who will do what she did, both during the visit and afterward, should be considered dangerous.  Bringing a stranger into your home with no warning or introduction to sit alongside while she attempts some bizarre intervention on her son, then trying to imply threats with "grandparent's rights" information is someone I'd consider capable of pressing lawsuits or calling CPS on you "for the good of her grandson" or even kidnapping him and so she'd be telling it to a black hole for a long, long time before I'd even consider allowing her anywhere near the family.

Virg

I agree with Virg and MrTango both. (Virg got quoted because I like the mime comment.  )

I also wanted to ask - OP, does your DH have any siblings or does MIL have any siblings that could be talked to? Has her behavior changed when she deals with everyone, or just toward you? It sounds like this is a recent change in her, and it also sounds like it was somewhat sudden. If there's other family, it may be worth asking around to see about the possibility of an underlying health problem (onset of dementia or something that could cause a similar personality change). Obviously, this probably won't work if some PP's are correct and DH's occupation is in the psychology field...but it may be it worth checking into.

[Free Range Hippy Chick]

Income tax inspector, surely?

[BeagleMommy]

OP, is your DH a spy?

I agree with all those who've said to cut off MIL. She disrespected her son's home, family and career choice in one fell swoop!  Then, when she's told she can't act that way in his home she throws "grandparents' rights" into the mix.  That is just beyond the pale.

[magicdomino]

Government worker?  Political campaign manager?   Plastic surgeon?   

We had a previous thread where the OP was getting nasty comments about his (her?) profession.  After many guesses, it was kind of a let-down to find out the OP was a fashion photographer. 

[wolfie]

OP, is your DH a spy?

If he was OP wouldn't know - it must be his cover identity that is controversial! :-)

[violetfire]

Hello again, and thank you all kindly for your advice.  DH has made it clear to his mother that she is not invited into our home until she learns how to behave herself.  She didn't apologize, but did actually listen to DH and admitted she needs to "work on some things." I think that's as good as we're gonna get.

As for DH's profession, he likes to think he's Batman - he works at night, has a "utility belt," a closet full of "costumes," and a nifty car with all sorts of gadgets (lights and sirens mostly). It's what he wanted to do ever since he was a kid, it's not like it was a huge surprise to her when he was hired with his department. 

To the poster who asked about his siblings, yes.  He has an older sibling who has MILs only other grandchildren.  She's been banned from their house numerous times for harassing them about politics, and passive aggressive acts ("accidentally" breaking things, "accidentally" giving the kids things they're not allowed to have according to their parents' rules, etc.).  This seems to be something that happens when grandkids come into the picture.  She left us alone until my son came along, so I never really thought about how clearly off her rocker she is.  I'm sure she's concerned for her son's safety, and in her mind, his conscience, but she really has a funny way of showing it.  I don't think she's a bad person, she's just...off. 
Thanks again for the help!

[gramma dishes]

Violetfire ~~  Even though your husband has talked with her and even though it seems she realizes (at least to some extent) that she had ventured waaaaay past any kind of reasonable boundary lines, I'd still make sure I kept hard copies of those emails and also keep those "grandparents' rights" clippings stashed away somewhere in an envelope just in case another event arises in the future and she begins threatening again.  You'll want and need to have a paper trail of all of this.  In addition, please write down the date she visited your house with strangers and tried to 'convert' your husband away from his chosen profession. 

Hopefully all the stuff can be shoved into a big envelope and stuck at the end of the top shelf of your closet never to be referenced again.  But for your own and your husband's peace of mind, you need to know that you have it there ... just in case.