Why are some people just nasty?

[joraemi]

I do substitute work in my field. I am usually at some (work) place I have never been before. Sometimes there is another person that works there that helps me, sometimes not.  I'm always really glad when there is another person because they can get you through the "this is how we usually do a, b, c " really quickly without a lot of trial, error, and phone calls on my part.

Today was a day where there was another person.  Whee!!!!  OR...not so much....

 I walked in, held out my hand and said, "Hi, Mrs. Jones!  I'm Jo Smith, I'm fiiling in for your regular person today." (I read the name plate on her desk) She shook my hand, said, "It's MS. Jones." then she got this really annoyed/peeved off look on her face, pursed her lips, and said, "Do you know what you're doing?" in a really condescending tone.  I felt fortunate that my jaw only hit the floor for a minute and then I smiled really nicely and said, "Well, I like to think so!".

I realized this could be a really long day if I didn't get on this lady's good side so I asked her if she was related to the Jones' in my area - she is - and my DD is really good friends with her niece.  Suddenly, we were best friends and she was telling me how awful the regular staff member is that I'm filling in for...."But YOU're OK!".

Why do people have to be like that?  I don't get it.  There isn't anyone to report her to or anything like that, I just don't understand such a sudden change in attitude and why she had to be so rude to begin with before even giving me a chance, you know?

Well, I can tell you I won't go back there to work again. I don't need that.

[ladyknight1]

I have never understood why people treat others badly. My mother has worked for a temp agency for a few years and has had more good experiences than bad.

[oceanus]

OP, I think you handled her well.  She was rude at first, and while she doesn’t sound like someone I’d want to work with  on a regular basis, I don’t see where she did anything which merited being ‘reported’.

Tip:  (Regarding the title of your thread), my life became easier when I stopped trying to figure out “why” some people are nasty and others are nice.  Who knows?  Bad mood, personal problems, not feeling well, or even a sinister personality who gets pleasure from ruining someone else’s day.  This was a random incident; do something nice for yourself and forget it.

[cabbagegirl28]

I like to believe it's an idle hands thing. They obviously do not have enough to worry about, so they find stuff to give themselves ulcers over.

[joraemi]

Yeah - I don't know why it's bothering me so much.  I think partly because I dont' care for this job in general to begin with, then to have bad experiences when I get to the workplace (every place I've been practically) just annoys me that much more!  lol

I'm going to just leave it now and go watch the new Modern Family!! 

[Cami]

I think it's human nature to search for explanations, especially for the behavior of other humans.

I also think that some of us seek the explanation because our natures make us think that if we know the causal factor, we can solve the problem. The sad truth is, however, that we cannot really solve the problem and make other people behave better. All we can do is control ourselves.

Therefore, there are times when you are just giving too much space in your head to people who don't deserve it and it's best to accept the reality of their behavior and move on. Don't waste any time or energy on people who don't deserve it.

[AnnaJ]

I like to believe it's an idle hands thing. They obviously do not have enough to worry about, so they find stuff to give themselves ulcers over.

I agree - I don't know many people who are busy that have that 'nasty' vibe; they might be abrupt or impatient, but they don't tend to seek out ways to be nasty.  People who have too much time on their hands, however, seem to spend too much of that time finding something to be offended by; a prime example is one of my SILs - I will never go to a restaurant with her again, her attitude toward the waitstaff is that nasty.   

[oceanus]

I also think that some of us seek the explanation because our natures make us think that if we know the causal factor, we can solve the problem. The sad truth is, however, that we cannot really solve the problem and make other people behave better. All we can do is control ourselves.

Sometimes the nastiness/meanness is so unexpected that it completely throws us off.  But I think we need to be careful to not waste too much time analyzing and trying to make sense of the nonsensical.  It can be exhausting, energy draining, and is a poor use of time.

I disagree with the "idle hands" theory expressed by a couple of posters.  I know of quite a few busy people who are just plain nasty, and quite a few idle people who are nice.

[MrsJWine]

I know she started off pretty nasty, but unless she showed herself to be unpleasant to other people or in other ways, maybe she was just having a bad moment on a bad day after dealing with a string of bad substitutes. Of course that doesn't make it okay to mistreat others, but most people have done this at least once.

[Amava]

Haha maybe she had missed her morning coffee?

Don't take it personally. Just be glad she worked out ok after a bit! Imagine she had kept up that attitude all day long!

[joraemi]

I've been thinking about everyone's comments and have realized that none of your comments are about ME - they are about HER - which makes me realize I have a boundary issue I need to shore up a bit! 

I was trying to figure out why I was letting her bother me so much and it's because somehow I internalized her behavior/attitude as being about *me*, when in reality she had never laid eyes on me before, so that isn't possible....In retrospect, when I am in a situation where there is a problem or discord between people, I somehow automatically assume it's my fault. In reality, that isn't usually the case. (thankfully!)

huh.  You learn something new about yourself every day!   

Thank you for your input, friends!

[DollyPond]

A lot of the chronically nasty people I've encountered in life seem to suffer from low self-esteem.  The only way they can feel good about themselves is to demean others.  Sad.  And unfortunately it seems that this behavior helps them to advance through their organization - thus they are rewarded for it.

[sunnygirl]

A lot of people do get touchy about things for personal reasons. For example, perhaps she is unhappy about not being married, thus being called "Mrs" when she isn't a Mrs upsets her. Or she has a feminist objection to the term Mrs. I believe this forum has had various discussions about the Mrs/Miss/Ms issue recently. Of course it's not an excuse to be rude, but it is an issue some people care deeply about.